My Life/With You/Without you

As I sit here wondering why I went out again? Why did I drink? 

My new life for now consist of going out with the girls drinking

until I I start my fellowship come September. I will have to go 

back and keep it together. I really have it bad for this guy, but

he is better off without me. 

I have to keep it together, although with him I am everything

and without him I am nothing. I have been so sad that things 

did not work out for us as I had hoped. I could only wish that 

he will know what I am going through without him. The

thoughts of what could of been cuts like a knife.

I wonder if he knows I am sitting here thinking of him this very

minute and have done so all night. That is a under statement 

and why I must try to move on and not think of him, this is why

I must get my head straight before returning to work. His memory 

lingers within me and oh how I need him, but he doesn't need me.

He has so much going on in his life and is a very special man,

a prince charming. 

Maybe someday when I don't have everything riding on keeping my 

head above water I can let him back into my thoughts and we 

can talk and I can think of him again, but for now I must marry my 

work. 

I dream of the day when this can come true, but I need for

him to fulfill all of his obligations and I mine before we could

ever happen. Then I will need a real love, someone who truly

loves me and will find my inward beauty and will love me 

for my mind. Someone who cannot exist without me. 

I WANT A NOTEBOOK LOVE

IN TIME MAYBE THERE WILL

BE SOMEONE FOR ME...