Balancing Life

I feel I've lost a bit of my touch with reality, or at least that feeling of reality. Like when you know that you are somewhere and when you wake up tomorrow you will still be there and that people expect you to show up to work and such. It's probably all the moving forward I've been doing in the last 8 years that's keeping me from ever sensing permanence or anything like it. Really I don't mind; I like the sense of floating above the world, moving through it like a piece of hair that floats from one edge of my glass of water to the other.

I do admit however that things in the last few weeks have felt something almost sustainable. My home is cozy and warm, and  my bills are minimal, and life costs here are low. I've got a handful of loyal and loving people in my life, and I love this city. I wonder how long I will appreciate these things. Really I think it's rarely the things in my life that bug me but usually me who bugs them ya know?. Usually, I just change enough to grow tired of it. Yet three things in my life I have never grown tired of; my career, love and dance. That's why I hope and almost believe in success here. Also, the lovely Vagabond band leader whom I listened to perform on the quaint Mississippi street reminded me that Baltimore today is like Paris in the 20's, booming with arts and life. That means we all get creative, band together, and make something work. This whole idea of being here and now in a time that could possibly be historic makes me want to invest and invest in a very real, serious way in this community.

 I very much fear being surrounded by kids, having to be their leader, and in a way want to meet that challenge ( this is very uncharacteristic of me, a hard-headed let-me-at-it type of lady). I grew this way a few months back But in the last week , I have had numerous rewarding laughs, hugs, kisses, and tickles with some munchkins that makes me think I've created this wall of fear and maybe it's time I take it down.