Hazy

when its all said and done...
will you look back and realize
that i was there for you
that i loved you
that i cared for you
that i basically...
worshiped your entire being
even if it went without seeing...


the ones that raised me said this love was just a phase
and when i blazed...
it would be gone
like a flicker of a flash
with a blink of an eye 
it'd disappear
yet i always found it...
reappearin
to me
in different forms
different lights
different beings
the word love started to have different meanings
they would say...i love you
to make me stay
they would say...i love you
to make the tears go astray
they would say...i love you
to make the pain ease off my mind
they would say...i love you
to make a smile appear
they would say...i love you
then...slowly disappear

can you reappear
can you show me whats fake from real
can you make me feel...
alive again
smile again
laugh again
dance again
love again?

i don't know
the image is hazy
love is hazy
and I've become lazy
to loves embrace
i hesitate to run
i hesitate to feel
i hesitate to deal
with new beginnings
for false endings
guarded me
scared me
bruised me
yet...tempted me
to create a new me
with a hint of the old me

to take chances
live in new romances
new embraces
new faces
new feelings
new love dealings
new blessings

so out with the old
and in with the new
out with my past
and that's just to name a few

The Questions

how do you
love the one that tore your heart in two
how do you
continuously think about them regardless the circumstances?
how do you
still seem to care...slightly
how do you
go on
how do you
let go
how do you
look pass the past
and towards the future
how do you
ease your heart out of pain
how do you 
start again
how do you
learn to trust again
how do you
stop thinkin
of random nights
or
their smile
their being
them
how do you 
stop it all
how do you 
fall away
from what is nothing anymore
and shift your feelings to more important things
how do you
how do you?

You Make Me

attraction
satisfaction
of the mind boggling conversation...
which leads to hesitation
i get kinda nervous
and my mind swerves...
when you smile
you make me wanna stay a while
i wanna play it cool
yet at the same time i feel like im actin like a fool
i dont know what im doin
i dont know where im goin
but im ready to stay on the road im on
even if it takes too long
i wanna get to kno you
and talk to you
but for some reason i keep pushin back
and i lack
the force i used to have
the drive i used to have
i can find it again
im ready to begin again...
i think
i gotta hurry tho...coz if i blink
you...
might be gone

Empty

in the midst of clouds
i find my heart
in disarray
scattered in two
faintly...i pick up my discarded pieces
tuck it away in a bag
and trudge to safety
happiness was something that once exsisted
now is extinct
6ft deep within my soul
is a hole
that was once filled
skilled hands
dug the grave
and left me to find things to fill it with
objects that grabbed my attention?
no
feelings i mistook to be real
no

instead i leave it empty and...
rain
weeds
flowers occasionally scatter within
but nothing fills it 
entirely
empty...i am without you here

MAN EATING HOTDOGS WHOLE (MUST SEE)

THIS IS SO FUNNY TAKE A LOOK 

Someday

Brush the tears off
don’t brush the fears off
mingle
while they tingle
your soul
enter the hole
also known as...your life

complete me
sedate me
surround me
love me
cherish me
care for me
favor me
miss me

give me energy
stability
happiness
yield sadness...
away
but don’t stray
stay...
and keep me company
help me...
when i need you
be there for me....when i want you
stay around
turn my frown around...
into a smile
make me high
make me fly
into the sky
sit high...
in love
i wanna be in love...
again
feel stability...again
feel complete...again
feel loved...again
feel one...again
i will someday feel it all over...
again

Half Empty

fill the void
before i pull the plug
fill the void
before i plug the hole
fill the void
before i shut the door
fill the void
before i say no more

when does the end
become the new beginning
when does turning the page
make you feel better
when does the past stay the past
and leave you feeling better
when do old memories float away
and don’t come back your way
when does old love leave you alone
and not become a reminder to haunt you...all day long

fragments of you
are lodged in my brain
each sad song
causes memories to float back in
each sappy love movie
causes me to frown
i thought i moved on
i thought i let go
i thought i could look pass it all...
yet i feel I’m still holding on
to something so wrong
something so hurtful
something so...unnecessary
something that is nothing
something that should mean nothing...
but means more than i can explain
i don’t know what it is
i don’t why....
that you still linger
that you still hinder...
my ability to think
my ability to blink...
clearly
for honestly...
your still around
and i still frown
at the madness
and the sadness...
that has become my life since I lost you

now I’m half empty in my life
tryin to fix what’s broken
tryin to mend a broken...
heart
while we space apart...us
with distance and time
eventually ill forgive
eventually ill let go
eventually i wont be bitter
eventually it wont hurt
eventually it’ll fade
eventually ill be okay
eventually