Rantings

There are so many misconceptions  about me, about my life and who you think I am. 

Do you think you really know me? You don't know me at all. You think because I am 

smart that my life is easy, but it is not. I have to work on myself every single day and

every day I have to pray for knowledge, wisdom, understanding and strength to make

it through the day. I don't have all the answers and I have to pray for guidance.  My 

life is just that life and I have to make the best of it. I am one of those crazy ass bitches

that if I truly fall in love with a guy I will always love him.  I will stand by my man 

until the end of time. I will make him know that he is wanted, desired and I will 

leave mushy love notes every where. I want all this but it cannot be mine. I know 

it will never happen for me. I am not strong enough to break though the barriers of

your heart. 

I want to be yours and yours alone, but my work suffers from a distance and from 

where I stand it shall never be. I am a hopeless romantic and therefore I cannot 

get you out of my head but I must. I don't know why I write this you wouldn't 

get it I spray painted on your office window while hanging there buck ass 

naked  from a rope. OMG one of the signs I drank too much. 

BEDTIME GOODNIGHT 

My Life/With You/Without you

As I sit here wondering why I went out again? Why did I drink? 

My new life for now consist of going out with the girls drinking

until I I start my fellowship come September. I will have to go 

back and keep it together. I really have it bad for this guy, but

he is better off without me. 

I have to keep it together, although with him I am everything

and without him I am nothing. I have been so sad that things 

did not work out for us as I had hoped. I could only wish that 

he will know what I am going through without him. The

thoughts of what could of been cuts like a knife.

I wonder if he knows I am sitting here thinking of him this very

minute and have done so all night. That is a under statement 

and why I must try to move on and not think of him, this is why

I must get my head straight before returning to work. His memory 

lingers within me and oh how I need him, but he doesn't need me.

He has so much going on in his life and is a very special man,

a prince charming. 

Maybe someday when I don't have everything riding on keeping my 

head above water I can let him back into my thoughts and we 

can talk and I can think of him again, but for now I must marry my 

work. 

I dream of the day when this can come true, but I need for

him to fulfill all of his obligations and I mine before we could

ever happen. Then I will need a real love, someone who truly

loves me and will find my inward beauty and will love me 

for my mind. Someone who cannot exist without me. 

I WANT A NOTEBOOK LOVE

IN TIME MAYBE THERE WILL

BE SOMEONE FOR ME...