Okay here I go spilling it all to my peeps...
I do need advice, but since no one reads this crap I take the time to write I get no comments.
To me comments are the feedback I need to help me make the right decisions in my life. I started blogging in live journal when I lost two of the most important people in my life. I received so much feedback and I listened to everyone, but made up my own mind about a situation. I later blogged on Yahoo 360 and there also I received so much feed back that helped me and I still have friends on my facebook from those sites. They are few now, but I simply love and appreciate the ones that stuck by me throughout this journey I call life. It has been a while John M and I love you dearly. ♥ You are really the only one still around willing to listen and that loves me like I love you.
I know what my problem is, and the same problem I have had for such a long time now.I often wonder if this problem will ever go away? Yes, I have saw a therapist on many occasions,but they are really no help to me. I have been given literature by the therapist and they have recommended several books to me on grief, and I have most certainly read them all and even checked out books from the library on grief. Although, I now know everything about grief I cannot seem to apply it to my life.
This is where I shut out potential suitors that seem very interested in me, but because I care deeply I do not want to hurt the people I feel really cares for me. There can never really anything between us really until I have this thing called grief behind me. I am no good to myself so I cannot be good for anyone else. I need to be whole and complete yet again before I can love wholeheartedly again I need to have this resolved.
How many people do you know that talks to pics of loved ones and ask advice of which you never receive or hear a response uttered? I would say none. I can still talk to this ghost of the man I loved and feel him close to me and his body entwined with mine throughout the night. Yes, I can still feel his touch when I am alone in my bed. It feels real and can be very satisfying. No Lie. This is how real it is to me. I will never give up on Jason ever. Although I know he is not here with me just feeling him in my bed, beside me. I can feel his touch and I long to be with him forever. No I am not crazy, but have always had a very vivid imagination.
It seems that every time I let my guard down a little I get my heart broken. There are always so many things that factor into me ever finding a soul mate. It all comes down to "locale" and not living so far apart or that the man has someone in their life that you will never measure up to. Men that are raising children and I cannot find myself ever interfering with there family unit where the kids would hate me. Regardless of how good I could be to someones Children I would never be there mom.
Blake and I are talking but more like friends than anything. I do care deeply for him, but hey face it I am moving back to Georgia as soon as I am finished with my fellowship and Blake wants to practice at Columbia in NYC. Not even going to happen, but I am sure we will remain friends forever
Thing is to know that you are 28 years old and time and love is passing you by.
HELP! HELP! HELP!
What should I do?
I know I will need to be open minded and stop guarding my heart....
Where do I start?
