The Real Me

I often wonder what it is that I do wrong?  Do I seem too eager? Do I seem like a pushover? I really could do with or without someone in my life to stop every heartache that I have felt by being too trusting and truly caring about someone. I will talk to this person and then everything seems and feels great and then he goes off the grid. I call or leave a long heartfelt email that he never responds to. I am me and I will change for no one. What you see is what you get. I feel first and foremost that a guy will fall for my looks and not see the real me inside. I am a God fearing person that believes in Karma, and I try my best to do the right things in life, but I do live in a very ugly world. A world full of people  that lie, cheat and steal. I do not wish to be one of these people. I pray for the sick, the needy and hope to put my mark on this world so everyone will remember me when I die. I want to be a good person with outstanding morals, but I do fall short at times as do we all that are made up of flesh and bone. I tell myself that I am owed something from something that went wrong in my past and oh how I love this person but It does not make it right. I wish that I could do everything right in life and never hurt a living soul, but I know that cannot always be accomplished. I want someone that be happy with me and the life I have chose to live. Someone that can look within and see my heart and soul and respect me for who I am and what I do. I have worked long and hard to come to these cross roads in my life. I had given up many things during my residency that I truly loved to do like play in a bowling and pool league, I have not been able to ride my bike as much as I would like and I had to put my body building dream on hold. When I am accepted into a practice,possible back home in Ga I will still travel as much as I can. There is still so much of the world I have yet to see. I am spontaneous and if my job allows it would be nothing for me to take off and go on a trip. I can be packed and ready in one hour for any occasion or event that arises. I loved to be romanced with candle lit dinners at home cooked by the guy I am with. I enjoy all types of music from R&B, Country, Classic Rock, to the Classics such as Beethoven and Mozart. I love all sorts of movies from Disney, Action, Drama, Comedy, Horror, yes and I have plenty of chick flicks, but Good-fellas is one of favorites. I have a bucket list and I am a adrenaline junkie I want to become a pilot, be certified to skydive without an instructor, mountain climb, ride a bronc and a bull. I use to calf rope as a kid and loved it. There are so many things left to do and all I need is someone that loves me inside out and wants to share a life with me. I want the Note Book ending. I will settle for nothing less.