Blessed To Be Living In The US of A

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There are many reasons--mostly that I've crazy busy!!!

It's the end of the semester--I went to a conference 2 weeks ago--and I'm treading water a lot.

Oddly enough though--I wanted to write about this.

Months ago.  But--couldn't.

Starting around about the beginning of March, I felt like I usually do weeks before September.

Weeks before the anniversary of 9/11.

The feelings I get then are memory filled, grief filled, prayer filled.

And--I started getting those same feelings around the beginning of March.

I decided it was partially because of my mother's death, and Jason's.

So--I've allowed grief, thought, review of what happened, pondering.

And much review of what happened.  I had this desire to review what happened 12 years ago.

Not my experience--which I typically review every year--but other's experiences this time.

And then--what happened in Boston happened this week.

Am I speechless?  Surprisingly I sort of am, and yet am not at the same time.

There has been too much of this.  Too many "signs of the time".  Too many shootings.  Too many deaths.

Yet--in America we are still amazingly blessed compared to many other countries, where such things are "the norm".

I don't think we quite realize how blessed we are.

But, oddly, I felt a little "prepped" this time?  Is that horrible or what?

It's horrible---but then I listen to those who were "prepped"--the people who ran in, instead of away.

The helpers.

I have decided to become an even better prepared helper.  I'm not sure when it will occur--but somethings have become more clear.

Yet, still--I pray--pray for the people, for the world, for our leaders, and for the victims and their families.

And I thank the Lord everyday that I live in a country where so many people run in, and help others.  Where even if they cannot help with the medical care, they give, they are kind, they are careful, and they show love.

What a beautiful reality.  Al Roker (yes, Roker) said this morning something to the extent of the following quote this morning--and it is all I want to say right now:

(I'm not quoting it exactly word for word)

"The terrorists do these things, thinking that they will tear us a part.  Instead, it unites us in the U.S."

What a beautiful reality in many ways.

Amen, amen!

WARNING: This one is a DOOSEY!!!

Okay--I have a big ole whine today!!! Huge!!  WARNING: This one is a DOOSEY!!!

Selfish, self-centered--that it is.  Narcissistic--I"m sure!

Here's my whine:  people wonder why I do a lot of things---if not most things independent of others--

And why I dedicate a lot of time  (most of the time I would spend "with others" alone or with with family).

Well--let me tell you!

BECAUSE PEOPLE BACK OUT OF THINGS FAR TOO MUCH--AND THEN EXPECT ME TO NOT CARE---EVEN THOUGH THEY ALWAYS CARE IF I DON'T HAVE A BIG HUGE FREE SCHEDULE ALL THE TIME THAT FITS IN THEIR LIVES!!!!!

I HATE that--I always have!!!

Ever since I was a teenager--seriously!!!

It's always been this  horrible Catch 22 for me.  

The usual event planning by me because everyone loves my taste. Ha

I am tried--after being prompted--to set up an "outing"!

I tried to invite all sorts of people--married,  unmarried, all sorts.

No one wants to contribute there time to help me, but expect things to get done and run smoothly.  

No one--or hardly anyone signed up to come.

Then I had 2 people--friends--message me that they could come.

And then--at the last minute (LITERALLY--like as if I was walking out the door to my car) I get a text that said NEITHER of them could go!!

The story of my life! And people wonder why I opt to do things by myself so much!!

On my way to any outing or event that this happens I wonder why people suggest events, parties or outings if they will not clear there calender to make it a priority? Everyone seems to love spending time with you, plan things that takes away from you time, your schedule with no concern for your time or feelings.  

 I came up with the 3 reasons why this happens:

A.  I like spending time with myself!!! Shockingly, I'm not afraid to be by myself--like a lot of women seem to be.  I TRUST myself--and obviously--the Spirit--cause who the heck else do I have to hang out with regularly?

B.  Myself and I--we have the same schedule!  Makes scheduling things WAY easier

C. Myself and I--we have the same tastes!  Meaning--I don't have to cow-tail to someone else's tastes cause someone else either has no concept, or does not care that I have to eat at certain times, and so forth.

So yea--that's why I do things by myself a lot.  It's not that I don't like doing things with other people--but often there is so much to arrange and rearrange, and rearrange again--it takes up more energy and time than it's worth.  More than once I get done with some activity with other people (not usually family--although even family can be more than enough stress--more than enough--believe me!) and I think "was that worth it?" 

There's this horrible news article/advice column that has been floating around online for years now.  An article from a married "friend" to an unmarried "friend"--who, I admit, was insensitive and stupid.  I try very hard not to be one of those friends.  But--it's AMAZING to me how much I try to be sensitive about other people's schedules, and husbands, and children, and needs--and others--don't seem to give a flying fart that I have a schedule, that I have needs, and that sometimes, I would REALLY prefer that my life not have to be turned upside down because someone else can't contain their needs for a freaking DAY!!!  It amazes me to this day, how people--especially those of my faith, assume that I have a "fly by night" schedule--where I can just pick up and go out with them any old time THEY want to.

You know--I HAVE A JOB!!! A REALLY REALLY BUSY STRESSFUL ONE AT THAT.  I HAVE FAMILY TOO--WITH NEEDS--LOTS OF THEM!!! I HAVE PEOPLE I PRAY FOR AND CARE ABOUT AND ADVOCATE FOR AROUND ME ALL THE TIME (WHETHER IN PERSON OR NOT)!!!!  AND SOMETIMES, I JUST WANT A NIGHT TO CLEAN MY FREAKING HOUSE SINCE I'M NEVER HOME, AND DON'T USUALLY GET TO DO IT UNTIL MY TOILET IS GROWING!!!

I know, I know--I'm so whiny, and complaining!!!

AGGGHHH!!!! 

Okay--so it's two whines today--but seriously--people wonder why..........???????????????????

I wrote this a while back while feeling used--, but now I'd be happy just to do everything over without complaints. I realize people do mean well. but they too have hectic schedules. I will not be volunteering anytime soon because my heath, but I will be willing to help anyone in any way..    

Alright--you can now return to your own whine and cheese!

Pick Up The Phone (Song About Doing Ya Wrong)

Ohhh Baby, I want you back, Ohhh baby put our life back on tract, 

forget the past and that I did you wrong, please baby don't be that way 

please pickup the phone..

I need to hear your voice I need to explain...

For my love for you I need to exclaim, 

I'll shout it from the roof tops, I'll shout it to

the heavens above "come on baby accept my love"

Ohhh Baby, I want you back, Ohhh baby put our life back on tract, 

forget the past and that I did you wrong, please baby don't be that way 

please pickup the phone..

Baby, don't leave me hanging you know I'm right here I'm the woman 

that loves you..so let me make my love clear. I have what it takes to 

love you and make you feel right. Ohhh baby I'll love you like Saturday 

night...

Baby I love you....You know this is true,  forget about my past and

let me make it up to you.. Baby I'm sorry what more can I say? I'm the only 

woman alive to make you feel this way...

Ohhh Baby, I want you back, Ohhh baby put our life back on tract, 

forget the past and that I did you wrong, please baby don't be that way 

please pickup the phone..

Ring, Ring, Hello ...Baby I'm sorry it was all my fault

Song Written by Amber Wilson 2013