For some reason this blog has recently become a place for whiners, i.e. me, to come and do their deal. I don't like writing whinny things and I don't like reading them so that will stop promptly.
Life is so freakin nuanced. Sometimes I can point out the 101 things that I love about my current life and in the same breath feel completely swallowed by the weight of my world. Most recently my time has been spent wrestling with the following-
+ I would love to leave the country without a return ticket, but I can't imagine living a day without my family.. I like who I am more with my dogs. But I really want to see Nepal.
+ I love dancing (duh) but don't know how much. It's hard to sort out your loves into "love-less" and "love-more" and "love-first". Do I love it enough to sacrifice relationships for? Do I love it enough to justify working a job I hate so that I can enjoy that love? Do I love it more than I love my other loves? It seems trivial until you find yourself having to make lists of what you value in life, and you can't even do that.
+ Vegan pumpkin pie is to die for. Bananas in the filling, coconut milk in the whip=amazing. Although 4 pieces may have been too many. Thanks nice lady cookie friend!
+ In the past 8 years I have experienced being a minority. In my silly little life this has happened very few times but now it's normal, and weird. I don't know how to feel about this; happy, mad, uneasy, free, bad, etc. Examples in the last 3 days: only white girl in the shoe store, only English speaker in the bank, only straight girl at the Halloween party, only degree holder at the show, .I want my children to be minorities sooner than in their 20's that way they know it's okay to be alone in something and to respect others who hold that spot often. Does this sound weird?
+ I love sleeping and scrubbing. I would go to bed at 8 every night if I could and use the most rough, exfoliating, invigorating soap out there all over my body every shower if I thought I could do that without loosing both my social life and my skin.
I think it's marvelous how fog sets so low, so close to the ground, so that those who want to venture above it, can, and in return get to experience the god-like view. Cloud tops like cushions. Night
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