Taking A Deep Breath

I have been extremely busy which is a good thing. I am trying to make a home for my babies and I before returning to work. As I look back I do wish that I had went to Kenya to practice medicine for nine months to pay it forward. I always feel so very blessed even when things are at there bleakest. I know God has a plan for me. I feel blessed to be alive and well and able to contribute to my community. There are so many things I would like to do for others, but I am limited in my time and resources. 

The weird comments I leave on my status the lyrics to the LMFAO ( Sexy & I Know It) are to motivate you my peeps and make you smile and it motivates me to smile and know that someone has smiled with me. I am a simple ordinary country girl if you have the heart to look past my exterior. I would like to think there is something exceptional under the hood, but not everyone cares enough to take the time to check out the engine (the brain, heart, soul)

I say I will be happy and content alone with just myself and my pets, but it is a lie to make people think you don't need them and I am better off alone. I shut potential male suitors out and do not get close out of the fear of being hurt. I do not have the time to date and get caught up in to a potentially extreme emotion that will render me a stupid, ditsy blond. 

I feel it is better to have loved than to have never loved at all. I once had it all and the world was my oyster. I loved and was loved back in return. I felt there was nothing I could not achieve as long as I was with my love. Maybe that is why I have held on so strongly to that love and a incredible guy named Jason. I know people get tired of hearing Jason this and Jason that, but he was and still is the very best of me..For you see he taught me to love and be loved. 

I once came so close to truly loving another, but it was within months of Jason's passing and it was not good timing. Things just clicked for us and we talked all the time. I shared my deepest thoughts with this person. It was as if the things I said to them that they should know me better than I knew myself. This person was very insightful and was willing to truly listen to me. When everyone else was saying you have to move on Jason is dead and this is not good for you, this person encouraged me to talk about Jason. I know know it was so I could love Jason without holding on to him to tightly and that I could let this person in so they to could love me. Circumstances out of our control arose and then it was as if we could not truly trust each other and both were hurt. Without confrontation we each moved on and went on with our lives never forgetting the other. 

I Respect You Always!