Does My Blog Title Fit? You tell me

                       Living an Extraordinarily Beautiful Life

I know that what I write most of the time may seem as though I live the farthest thing from this title, but in truth my life is extraordinarily beautiful. Even though, I have had my share of heart break and major losses in life "My life is still beautiful" . Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and there are may chapters in my life ready to be lived and blogged about. 

I have loved and been loved in return by the most incredible man I have ever known. Although, he was called away to be with Jesus that one true love shall sustain me all the days of my life. To love and to be loved is the most beautiful thing on God's green earth. I know that I shall never know this kind of love again, but I smile each time I think of Jason and can see his kind and loving face. I can close my eyes and he is there. This beauty alone makes my life worth living. 

I see beauty in a new born baby, I see this beauty in a sunrise or a sunset, or to lie on the ground and watch the stars underneath a Georgia sky. I stop long enough to smell the roses. I love sights, colors, shapes and architecture, A old building can say a lot about the person that

designed it. A old house can say a lot about it's owner and the people who have lived there. I 

love my home, my heritage, and no one can make me feel inferior. 

I have the career I have always wanted, family and friends that truly make me happy. What else could a girl really need? As long as you have a love for God within you there will always be an Extraordinarily beautiful life. As long as you feel blessed with the things that you have and thank God for them everyday you are forever happy and smiling.

I know I am far from perfect, but I'd really like to be. I try not to judge others, but sometimes when I am hurt, the people who hurt me I have been known to lash back at them, only to feel bad and ask for forgiveness later. How can we seek forgiveness from God, if we ourselves cannot forgive our fellow man? 

For you see even though I may sometimes whine about the things that did not go my way, that does not mean that all in all that I am not living a beautiful life. Even with a broken heart I use that as a learning experience of what not to do again. I try to be a good person although many times I may fall short because I am flesh and bone. I do make mistakes, but I do try to rectify them. 

I feel as long as I am smiling someone is smiling back at me and I might just make there day a little better. Little things make me happy, like a ecard or a hand written letter in the mail from my granny. One of granny's hand made knitted Christmas sweaters that I wear once to make her happy and there is a new one every year. I want one year to have both mama's and daddy's families together for Christmas under one roof at my farm back home. These are things that make me happy. Or when Jason was alive he would go into the store to pay for gas and come out with a plastic or felt rose.   

I can find beauty in nature, walking, hiking and even in a lady bug I see on a leaf. I see beauty in the faces of my dogs as they beg for a treat. I saw beauty in the face of my very own English Bull with over bite and all (a face only a mama could love) His name was General Lee and I had him 13 years before his death. The General looked like the Georgia Bull Dog. 

I am happy for I am alive today thanks to a team of doctors that saved my life from a brain stem/ spinal cord injury I sustained in a car accident. I beat the odds and I am 100% healed. Well I always give God credit for my healing and he makes my life beautiful and happy I am still around to tell this story. 

"FOR YOU SEE I DO LIVE AN EXTRAORDINARILY BEAUTIFUL LIFE"   

They say the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, But is it really?

There are maybe's, what haves, should haves, could haves and nothing short

of asking myself that 10 million dollar question.. "Was It Ever Really Real?"

How can one single person bring so much joy into your life, make you feel

as if you were drifting on a cloud and then rain havoc on your world? Why 

can't  people say what they think, and believe what they feel? Where is 

the truth, much less what is the truth? Can truth be found in the world 

today? 

There are so many people in the world playing games that it is hard to distinguish truth from fiction. It is so easy to believe in some people, because your heart tells you that they are true and worthy. I know  that there are those who are true and worthy, but they not only lie to you, but to themselves. They live in  worlds prearranged for themselves, by the church, there parents and live everyone else's life for them but never there own.  These people can never truly be happy. I know you never lied, I know you only spoke the truth, or what you thought the be at the time, but the truth is a double edged sword. When you kill me you also kill yourself.

My truth is this: I wear my heart on my sleeve where I always 

have and I always get hurt. I must say I am glad that is was you. 

Things can finally be over for me in my heart and my dreams of 

a fairytale  love that was suppose to come true years ago shall

now cease to be.

It has been so hard to trust people , but I trusted you  with my very life. Maybe, years ago all my dreams could come true, but things are different for you now. I thought that you were my prince charming, strong, viral and would defend  my honor at all cost. That you would give me one kiss and I would awake from my slumber. That you would become  my prince and I your princess and you would love me until the end of time. 

I moved on to a higher ground, seeking refuge from the storm, the storm that came down on me with such a force it left me by the wayside. I was scared, frightened, sick and alone. Everything I once trusted and the person in who I trusted,left me alone to be battered by the storm with no thought of my well being.   

I have a future, with no more lost dreams, no more what if's and

wondering time and time again why things didn't work out the 

first time. For what it is worth I know the truth or at least I hope

I know the entire truth this time. There are no more rose colored

glasses that I wear. I see the truth for what it is and even though

I do not 100% agree with it, this is my fate. 

I am a survivor and I will survive no matter what is thrown at me. No matter how many times a guy breaks my heart. If you break my heart once there may still be a chance, but break it twice and there is no chance at all. Fool me once shame on you, but fool me twice and shame on me. I only trusted you and what you said you wanted,it was your decision to make and you made none. I will not sit alone waiting on a maybe, a could be, but you know and will always know in your heart that it was a should be. A sure thing.

The thing that hurts the most was you could not tell me anything, not by phone or a email you threw me and my dreams straight to hell.  You are certainly not the man I thought I knew so well, I could take the truth why didn't you tell me?  Everything I know I read between the lines. If you were torn you could have told me so. You could have bowed out gracefully with your head held high and I would have respected you for that. Not knowing anything drove me crazy and I am not one to beg.

Love means never having to say your sorry. Love means putting the one you love first and foremost which you did but then didn't have the guts to tell me. 

I am happy for you I really am, but I should have been 

able to tell you. May God Bless You! I hold no grudges.

I would have never, ever got hurt if you hadn't said things

to me that you could never mean in a 1000 years

I think the grass is fine where you are at....

Be careful what you wish for, it might just turn and bite you in the ass.

   

Halloween's Arrival Just a Few More Day's

AMBER DRESSED UP!

Curiosity Killed The Cat 

Halloween is just around the corner, and with it comes goul's and goblins and things  that go 

bump in the night. BOO!! 

I love Halloween it is one of the most exciting holiday's there is in my book.

I love decorating the house for Halloween and making my very own "Jack O Lantern" that 

I purchase from a pumpkin patch. I always make a pumpkin pie as to not waste anything.

My candle scent is pumpkin pie as well. 

There are even Jack O Lantern's with pointy teeth

The Best Time To Play Dress Up

I think I will take my own groceries to the car ;)

Let's Eat

    

Decorating

This is my time of year......

I love being someone else for one night out of the entire year.

I love the smell in the air and all the excitement as the door bell rings  and you open the door  and hear (Trick Or Treat)

I love going harvest festivals and purchasing apple cider and looking at crafts people have made.

I love seeing everyone dressed up and having a great time!

Cara Loves Halloween! 

I just love Halloween & I Love  "Candy Corn"

Some of my fallen brothers RIP

I love making stuffed Bell Peppers in the shapes of Jack O Lantern's 

Scary Stuff!!!!!!!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Love Hurts

Today I wrote a email to someone as confused and scared as I, but they have nothing to fear. My life will go on as it always does, and I will get up brush myself off and continue my life. God only knows that I do not have it in me to hurt another living being. I am not self centered. or self absorbed and I can truly see the big picture. I know that Knights and shinning armors only exist in the movies and you never truly meet them in real life. The person I wrote to found hers though and I know that she and he shall live happily ever after. For you see I slay the dragon that tried to destroy them. 

My heart breaks that I to can not find a love like this, but I know it must be out there. I must follow my heart and know when it is love for me or another. I was once loved by a prince named Jason. He loved everything about me, but he saw my heart before I fully developed into a woman so it was true love. We were soul mates. Our only only dream was to be together the rest of our lives, and to have babies and to live and to die as Noah & Allie in the (Notebook). I loved this man so much and he was the very air that I breathe, but God saw he needed an angel and so he took him from me. I want to love like this again, but I do believe that God only grants you one soul mate. 

 "LOVE HURTS" 

Totally Scared & Confused

Days like today when all else is done, my time is occupied by memories of you. Every second of every hour are the thoughts of I'd rather be with you.. wherever you are. But you will never know that... why?.. Well because I'm too scared to say what I feel.

Too scared to say- I wanna be with YOU.

Too scared to say- I miss you like hell

Too scared to say- I'm sorry.

Simple enough, but yet so difficult. How do you begin to tell someone what they mean to you? Or how much they mean to you? It's easy when I think of the "I should'ves" and "could'ves" looking back now, but when the time comes.. I freeze. I guess cause I loved the guarantee that if I didn't speak, then I could always stay close to you. Even if it was just as a best friend. Such a twisted thought, but I knew deep in my heart somehow I always wanted you to be a part of my life. And now; I've messed ALL that up. 

The misconception that you just wanted to be "friends" forced me to think, I needed to step back. To allow you to find what you needed at home, because no matter how much I wanted there to be an 'us', I wasn't gonna jeopardize your happiness. 

Maybe that was the heroic thing to do.

Not to be selfish (although I wish I could be).

But I feel much like the villain. I lost your trust. And I have no excuses. I don't want to try and make any either. I just want you to know (in your heart somehow) that I think about you all the time and like said before you're not easily forgotten. It's embarrassing that I cannot be strong enough to tell you this but I can write it all down on a screen maybe you will see it, maybe not. This is my comfort zone, for now, so this'll have to do. And secretly, the little brave part left inside of me, is silently telling you:

I loved us.

I've missed us.

I miss you... but most importantly; I love you.

My Favorite Time Of The Year.

Fall is my favorite time of the year. I love to be witness to the change in the seasons , and Fall

is the most colorful season there is. I love to just go lie down in the leaves and have a wrestling 

match. When I am at home I love to rake leaves and be out in nature, but I have so many leaves

back home that I use a leaf blower or go over them with the tractor to cover and protect the 

grass for next season. I do this because I have too many to dispose of. It is great to be out in the

cool crisp air. 

I love Halloween and you really know that it is officially Fall by the time Halloween arrives.

I love to dress up and be someone else for one night out of the year. I love mystery and intrigue 

of going to a Halloween Party and not know who you are talking to, but they know you. I love

the smells of logs burning in a fireplace and the smell of Pumpkin Pie candles burning.  I go 

all out with Fall colors in my house getting ready for Fall as well as Thanksgiving as if it was

a golden, orange Christmas. I love to make my own Jack O Lantern and go to the pumpkin

patch to find the right one.   

I love going to County Fairs and riding rides and acting as though I am scared to death 

when I not really, but it is a way to get a guy to hold on to you tighter lol I love the smell 

of candy apples and cotton candy and sawdust and hay. I love hitting the agriculture 

exhibits and seeing all the prize cows, and the ladies auxiliary exhibits with home 

made cakes and pies and crafts. 

I love a trip to the mountains in Fall to witness all God's Majestic Beauty. I would

rather take the trip on my bike with all my leathers on and stopping somewhere

along the way for a hot chocolate. Nothing is more beautiful than the mountains 

in the Fall.  

     FALL IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR!

To Love Or Not?

I feel I am a extraordinary woman if you can look past the surface of what society thinks

is pretty. As I have said many, many times I am just Amber no more, no less. I have a lot 

of supportive, exceptional friends on facebook. For the most part I know most of them

personally, and have bikers, blue collar workers, that I would trust my life with, 

writers, doctors, nurses, lab techs, bankers, stock brokers, architects just to name a few.

As I love these people for who they are they in return love me for who I am. I always

have someone wanting me to talk to there teenage daughters, to show them that they can 

be anything they want to be in life as long as they apply themselves. I am a poster

child for people against all odds becoming all that they can be. I have worked hard,

stayed out of trouble, never did drugs although drugs were common place in my 

household as a child. 

A woman that does not know me from Adam's house cat made some startling 

accusations to me this week. I know I need to let it go, and the person sent

an apology to me through someone else, but it still hurts. I know I should not 

care about people with negative attitudes and what they think, but this is

how I feel. 

I feel I am a good person, and no matter the situation I would not have talked

to this woman in such a way. She wrote me countless emails and the first one

was very nice, but she went on and on and so I blocked her since she could 

email me because she was a friend of a friend. Then she found this blogger 

page and wrote in all the comment spaces. 

I have tried to ignore her words, but they cut like a knife. She hurt me and 

I have done nothing to her. I wrote to this person I have known for 

years and called things off. I don't want trouble and we were and 

are just friends. But, he doesn't want to let go. I do care for him

and they are not together now. OMG I tried to let her win, but she

can't win what she doesn't have. 

Dear Lord, I do not know what to do? I need strength and guidance,

Please help me to know what to do.