Today I went to the doctor and everything had came back normal on all the test that was performed, and I was informed I am on the mends. This was such great news since I have been worried ever since I became ill. I was talking to God, and telling him "God" I have went for so long now and nothing bad has happened to me. Not since I lost Aunt Patti and my dog Bentley and I have been healthy as a horse. I was actually afraid I would die this time. But, the good Lord still has a purpose for me to fulfill. I am so thankful to God for his healing, mercy and grace that he has bestowed upon me, although sometimes I do not feel worthy of his love.
All the while that I was sick I thought about two people. They both matter to me although they do not know it. I was wondering if all there dreams were coming true? If they were happy? If they had married yet? If they had bought that house they wanted? I wanted them to be happy and I still do. I kept having this overwhelming desire to email them both, and stress how short life can be. People can never comprehend how short life is until they face death. Life is something to be celebrated, lived to the fullest and to grow old with no regrets. I never heard back from them. Maybe I said things all wrong? I just felt led to tell them about my illness and to tell them (or Witness) about God and his many miracles. My prayer is that they will be happy with or without God in their lives, and know that I do care for them both.
I don't know about other people, but I do not want to grow old alone. I want to love and be loved, have children and live on my farm in Georgia. I want to center my life and that of the family I will have around God. I want to teach my children true values and not spoil them shamelessly.
I am 28 now and could marry tomorrow, but Blake and I need to wait until I am sure. I do forgive easily and never hold grudges. I forgive since I too will seek forgiveness from God and pray that it will be granted when I ask. But, I know if I do not forgive those who hurt me that I shall not be forgiven.
It is hard to think that I am hated or disliked or that someone cannot forgive me. My daddy always says don't give a flying crap about what others think of you. ( I cleaned that up a lot ;) But, I do care, always have a always will. I know I care too much, I am tenderhearted, I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I pray for those who spitefully use me.
Well enough about me.
Thank you Haley & Madison Spencer who is here taking such good care of me. I love you both so very much. I thank my family who has always been there for me. I want to celebrate Dylan and Dawson's first year at Georgia Tech I am so proud of you both.
To Cara & Orion I love my babies ♥
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