Metanoia

My to do lists are miles long, but filled with stuff that seemingly can wait.
Excuses, excuses.
My own laziness and apathy is utterly disgusting to me.
I’m really over putting everything off.
Things that should take moments take hours or days.
Things that should take days take months. Maybe even years.
How stupid.
How gross.
I’m really over this.
What have I been waiting on?

“It’s like we’re waiting on something… something that’s never going to come until we stop waiting.”

O what a reality I need to get.
My apathetic laziness has exhausted me to the point where even the things I do care about seem far out of reach.
Its time I start walking in obedience.
I’m free, now I need to start acting like it.
Thank you God that you’re showing me open doors in my life.
I slam them shut tonight with Your help.
I’m changing my thinking tonight.
Recognizing-
You are my energy
You are my passion
You are my joy
You are my source
You are mine.

You provide me with convicting disgust with my own ways, what grace.
You've protected me when I've kept doors open, what mercy.
When I have wallowed in my self pity, you have never ceased to relentlessly pursue me to show me affection.
When apathy has kept me still, You have relentlessly moved all around me till my heart can’t help but to respond.
Even when I've disobeyed time and time again, You still bestow Your favor.
You have had every reason to be angry with me and yet You send word to me that Your pleased with me, just for me.
You amaze me Jealous One.
I don’t get it, but I won’t turn away Your love.
My heart is Yours.