Monday, September 30, 2013

Symptoms of Survivor Guilt



In one of the final scenes of the amazing movie “Schindler’s List”, the character of Schindler has an agonizing break down. He had spent many war years saving the lives of a small group of people. In this scene, he is being honored and thanked by some of those survivors. Rather than accepting their appreciation, Schindler apologizes. He becomes totally distraught that he had not saved all the people on his original list, some of the survivors’ families. The gold ring on his finger becomes a symbol of his perceived selfishness, because he kept it rather than use it to save one more person. He can’t see the good that he did. He can’t accept the love and gratitude of the people he saved. He feels it is wrong that he lives when so many million died, so horribly.

Mr. Schindler had an extreme case of Survivor’s Guilt.

It occurs when there is a national disaster, like war, 9/11, school shootings, bridge collapses, airplane crashes.

It occurs when there are natural disasters, like Katrina, tornadoes and hurricanes, floods, fires, earthquakes.

It occurs when there has been an accident.

It occurs when someone dies of a disease or infection, violence, or suicide.

Survivor Guilt (SG) needs professional help, as soon as the symptoms develop. Most often, it is not addressed. The person goes on in life, but not living. They don’t allow themselves joy or happiness, and feel even worse if they enjoy something even for a short time.

Untreated, this is passed to the next generation, and the next. A person with SG can’t be allowed pleasure, and can’t permit anyone around them to have it, either. While a SG mother won’t allow herself a good, hot meal, she’ll prepare one for her family. But the meal is accompanied by comments on amounts of food taken, remembering when she was lucky to have a cup of broth. Heaven forbid food should be left on a plate, when so many are starving in the world. In time, no one can enjoy a meal. Little ones learn to associate pleasure with guilt, and take that with them into adulthood. They think this is the way to live. A third generation will learn it, too, unless someone stops and thinks it all through logically.

Learning to be thrifty with money was not the only byproduct of the Great Depression. Many think of that term – Great Depression – as an economic one. It also describes the Nation’s emotional state of the time. SG closely resembles depression, but it’s not the same

Survivor Guilt needs professional help, as soon as the symptoms develop. As soon as you recognize them in yourself or those around you.

Untreated SG adversely affects one’s life, relationships, the ability to hold a job, concentration and follow through, sleep, self image, ability to handle even mild stress, anger management, reaction to even small changes, and the ability to feel emotion.

SG may manifest itself in anxiety, depression, irritability, withdrawal, and psychosomatic symptoms of the stomach and heart. There may be an obsession with the past and a fear of persecution.

SG is defined as UNJUSTIFIED reaction to traumatic situations. Unjustified! If you had gone back into that burning house, you wouldn't have saved another life, you would most likely have lost your own.

Now, if you were the one who set the fire, if you were the drunk driver in the accident, if you were the hijacker, this is another issue completely. This article is not addressing that.

Here is a list of possible SG Symptoms

  • Sleeplessness. 
  • Nightmares. 
  • Flashbacks 
  • Inability to get along with others, especially in close relationships
  • Paranoia and distrust
  • Unwillingness to discuss, or visit the site of, the trauma
  • Persistent, intense fear and anxiety
  • Easily irritated or agitated
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Feel numb or detached
  • No pleasure in previously enjoyable activities
  • Feel helpless, out of control
  • Preoccupied with the traumatic event

Physical symptoms –
  • headaches, 
  • stomach, 
  • heart, 
  • dizziness
  • Suicidal thoughts, gestures, plans


Survivor Guilt needs professional help, as soon as the symptoms develop. There is treatment. There is recovery. There is hope.

TODAY I AM ME



I actually came clean today with what makes me tick, my hang ups, my inhibitions, and put it out there for the entire world to see. I am a living survivor with survivors guilt that has ran rampant for years. This is not a easy thing to do to come out and tell everyone your flaws. I have tried to explain myself 1000's of times, but was unsuccessful in doing so. I am a survivor of many things and I shall find a way to overcome this as I do with everything else. But, love is a matter of the heart that you really have no control over. So on this first day of October 2013 I promise myself that I will love myself again. That I will stop blaming myself for Jason's death and that I will try to see him as a common man and not a saint.

I have so much to give and to receive. I haven't allowed anyone to truly love me since I could not find it in me to love myself. I am taking baby steps, since everything I jump into with both feet fails. I want to be a new me the part that I have kept hidden from the world. I should be a academy award winning actress with my stellar performance of the smiling girl that make others laugh and feel good about themselves. Meryl Streep doesn't have a thing on me I tell you.

TODAY I AM ME 

To Love Me



I have so much advice for others, but when it comes to me I haven't been living it. I bet you ask yourself "Why is this intelligent woman so messed up emotionally?" The answer is plain and simple I am a giver not a taker. I receive more by giving than receiving. I always have. For you see this has been one of the many anniversaries of mama and Jason's deaths. I can never get through it without living it all over again in my head. But, now I had a epiphany I know why I do this now. I know why I still love Jason the way I did so many years ago, I learned to love him more than myself. With me everything is about Jason and not me. I made a saint out of him. No one can compete with a saint. I suppose I will always love Jason I have no doubt of that, but I have to learn to love myself again. I need to put me first again, and I haven't for a long time.

I have went through the motions all this time. I lost my true identity out on that dark, desolate stretch of road the night Jason died. I put everything into my studies, my work, my career with no thought of being with anyone else. Yes, I tried to love another yet it deemed unsuccessful. I do love, I know how to love, but I love everyone but myself. Everyone knows that to be loved you first must learn to love yourself  first and foremost. I forgot how. Why? Because, I blame myself for Jason's passing. If only I had been riding out front maybe I would have saw that deer. If I hadn't had to stop at that service station to pee we would have missed that deer completely. I am constantly to this day going through all the would've, should've, could've, and if this would have a different ending. My answer now is NO!

I know now I cannot change the outcome. I never could. No amount of praying for God to take me would not or will not ever change the outcome of Jason being dead. He is DEAD!!! I am ALIVE!!! I have been living with survivors guilt for a long time, and I need to change that now. I have to find a way to love me again and know I am worthy of living and loving again. Looks can be deceiving- We can put on our fake smiles telling ourselves and everyone around us that we are fine when we are actually dying little by little each and everyday in front of there very eyes. They don't have a clue unless we ourselves reveal it to them.

I am through blaming myself for Jason's death when there was nothing I could do to save him. It was much easier to tell the people that didn't know him that he died of a rare form of brain cancer, than to tell them that he was decapitated on a farmers barbwire fence when he hit a deer on his bike. This is the graphic details that I live with daily. Still at night sometimes I am all alone out in that field holding just his body and telling him everything will be okay when I was a medical student at that time and knew better. I can't do anything for Jason I never could when I found his body and held him for 35 minutes until the paramedics came.

I have to stop this..and learn to love me again.    


Rape victim sentenced 200 lashes by Saudi court



September 24, 2013
"The victim's sentence was increased because her lawyer had spoken out..."

When the defense attorney for a raped Saudi Arabian woman appealed a Sharia Court decision that the 90-lash sentence against his client was unjust, all that was succeeded was the more than doubling of the punishment meted out to the woman who was raped and beaten by seven men, as reported by the women’s rights-centered news portal The Clarion Project on Sept. 22, 2013.

A yet to be publicly identified female gang rape victim was initially found guilty and sentenced to 90 lashes for violating the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia's (KSA) rigid Islamic law on segregation of the sexes.

The Kingdom’s General Court determined the woman sat in an automobile with an old school chum to whom she was no blood relation, hence, she violated Islamic Sharia Law of gender segregation.

The victim’s lawyer Abdul Rahman al-Lahem had plead to the international community for help in freeing his client or at least pressuring the Saudi government to grant an appeal.

From Bad To Worse…

And an appeal he got -- along with an increase in sentence from 90 lashes to 200 along with a six month prison sentence tacked on for good measure.

The KSA Ministry of Justice implied the victim's sentence was increased because her lawyer had spoken out to the world’s news outlets.

As carried by the government’s official Saudi Press Agency:

For whoever has an objection on verdicts issued, the system allows to appeal without resorting to the media.
The statement also said that the "charges were proven" against the woman for having been in a car with a strange male, and repeated criticism of her lawyer for talking "defiantly" about the judicial system, saying "it has shown ignorance."

The Lead Up…

The victim was attacked in 2006 while she was attempting to retrieve a photograph from a male high school student she knew.

While in her acquaintance’s vehicle, two other men got in the car and drove the woman and her friend to a secluded area where five other men met them.

It was in this remote area where all seven men raped the woman.

The Clarion Project also cited that the woman’s friend was in turn “attacked” by the assailants, but it is unclear if he was beaten, raped or both.

The Price of Questioning Saudi Law...

Abdul Rahman al-Lahem has since banned him from further defending the woman, the KSA has confiscated his law license and summoning him to a disciplinary hearing later this month.


Reiki Healing Health Benefits



One of the greatest Reiki healing health benefits is stress reduction and relaxation, which triggers the bodies natural healing abilities, and improves and maintains health. Reiki healing is a natural therapy that gently balances life energies and brings health and well being to the recipient.
This simple, non-invasive healing system works with the Higher Self of the Receiver to promote health and well being of the entire physical, emotional and psychic body. Therefore it is truly a system of attaining and promoting wholeness of Mind, Body and Spirit.

Reiki is a specific type of subtle energy work in which healing is performed by the touch of the hands, allowing the flow of the energy from a limitless source (God Force) to the patient via the Reiki practitioner. It is extremely powerful, yet gentle energy that can be easily channeled to yourself and others, just by intention.

Reiki healing is a pure energy form. When it is combined with the sincere Desire of the Healee, who is willing to effect a cleansing within their emotional and spiritual consciousness, a total healing can occur.


POTENTIAL HEALTH BENEFITS OF REIKI HEALING TREATMENTS
When the flow of the "Life Force Energy" is disrupted, weakened or blocked, emotional or health problems tend to occur. Imbalances can be caused from many situations occurring in our lives, such as: emotional or physical trauma, injury, negative thoughts and feelings, including fear, worry, doubt, anger, anxiety, negative self-talk, toxicity, nutritional depletion, destructive lifestyle and relationships, neglect of self and lack of love for oneself or others, from emotions that are not expressed in a healthy way...

Reiki is excellent for healing any physical, mental, emotional and spiritual issues of any kind and it gives wonderful results.

Some Of The Reiki Healing Health Benefits:
Creates deep relaxation and aids the body to release stress and tension,
It accelerates the bodies self-healing abilities,
Aids better sleep,
Reduces blood pressure
Can help with acute (injuries) and chronic problems (asthma, eczema, headaches, etc.) and aides the breaking of addictions,
Helps relieve pain,
Removes energy blockages, adjusts the energy flow of the endocrine system bringing the body into balance and harmony,
Assists the body in cleaning itself from toxins,
Reduces some of the side effects of drugs and helps the body to recover from drug therapy after surgery and chemotherapy,
Supports the immune system,
Increases vitality and postpones the aging process,
Raises the vibrational frequency of the body,
Helps spiritual growth and emotional clearing

When we are relaxed, stress-free, we are able to restore our natural ability to heal.

Long term practice of whole-body reiki will restore the general condition of the body. It will open the energy channels and this will allow the body to deal properly and naturally with stress and build-up toxins and cope with anxiety and depression.

When a person is in good health, regular therapy will increase the bodies built-in defenses. This will manifest itself as confidence and outward harmony in dealing with everyday events. The person will gain a positive outlook on life.

Reiki will also provide additional energy required to recover from illness.

A Reiki healing session can induce an extremely comfortable state of being that can bring alteration in the clients consciousness.

If used with other natural therapies (meditation, crystals, aroma therapy, Bach Flower remedies, homeopathy, etc.) Reiki will reinforce their effect.

It can be used also as complementary therapy, because Reiki is truly a complementary care. It complements and enhances the health care the patient receives in the hospital or from other health care providers.

Reiki healing complements Eastern and Western medicine and everybody can benefit from it.It is beneficial to the health of woman (even pregnant), man, children and it is also excellent to be used on animals (dogs, cats, horses), plants, water, etc.

Reiki healing energy is a tool for use at any moment, any time, any where for on-the-spot stress release, pain relief and quick energy.


ABOUT THE USUI SYSTEM OF REIKI HEALING
This natural healing modality originates in Tibet. The name "Reiki" (rey-key)comes from the technique as re-discovered by Dr. Mikao Usui, a Japanese Buddhist in the early 20th century.

"Re" means "Universal" and it is a general term for spirit or unseen spiritual quality, which serves as channel for "Ki" or "Life Force Energy" (some call it God, Buddha, Chi, Qi, Prana, Love Energy, or similar). It relates to the superior, all-encompassing cosmic energy from which all other minor energies in the universe draw their power. Everything in the Universe is made up from energy particulars which form the Omniscient, All-Knowing Blueprint for Creation. The Vital Living Energy Force comes in different manifestations of energy and one of these being the frequencies in which Reiki was born.

The Usui System of Natural Healing teaches us also the "Secret Art" of "Inviting Happiness" into one's life which can be achieved by working with the Five Reiki Ideals and the Three Degrees of Attunements. The Five Reiki Ideals help us realize that improving oneself is an essential part of Reiki healing.


HOW REIKI HEALING ENERGY WORKS?
The body is more than just a collection of functioning parts. Since everything generates a frequency, the body and its organs have their own energy field which is continually changing. All conditions of disease are rooted in this energy system. If our "life force" is low or blocked, we are more likely to get sick. But if it is high and flowing freely, we can maintain our health and well being.

Reiki Healing Energy provides means to balance the human energy fields (Auras) and energy centers (Chakras) to create conditions needed for the bodies healing system to function.

The Reiki practitioner assists the client to heal themselves spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically by a simple laying on of hands. By the use of ancient healing symbols the practitioner channels the Universal Life Force energy allowing it to flow where is needed to bring the energy centers into alignment.

The Reiki practitioner must be a clear vessel through which the healing energy flows. He/She plays an instrumental part in the healing process, but ultimately it is up to the healee to manifest harmony and balance in their own life.



  • DISCLAIMER: This Blog was created in order to share the information about the wonderful health benefits of the Reiki Healing Energy. It is therefore for educational purposes. Please note, that Reiki is not a substitute for medical care. Information on this site are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.You should consult with the appropriate health practitioner in case of any medical condition.



Tips for Staying Healthy and Active During the Winter Months



Eat smarter
Parents and children can find it challenging to maintain healthy eating and exercise habits during the holiday season. With childhood obesity rates at an all-time high, making sure kids eat healthy and get plenty of exercise has perhaps never been more important. Our weight management experts have provided a few simple tips parents can use for making sure their families enjoy the holidays while still maintaining a focus on their health and wellness.

Be active every day. Because the kids are out of school, the family has an opportunity to be active together – whether it’s going for bike rides if the weather permits or having a snowball fight in the front yard. Perhaps create a new holiday tradition – go to Zoo Lights, or walk the neighborhood looking at holiday decorations. See additional tips for staying active below.
Limit the calories from drinks. Try to ensure that your children only drink holiday favorites such as egg nog and hot cocoa in moderation. Calories from these treats add up quickly!
Give your children a light snack such as string cheese, yogurt or an apple before going to a holiday party. They’re more likely to overeat at a party if they arrive hungry.
Avoid leaving out plates of cookies or candies in your house – they will only promote excess eating and grazing out of boredom. Also, when you bake sweets, make only enough to give as gifts or as a treat that will be around for a day or two.
Remember that overeating one day will not make or break your family’s plan. Return to your usual eating plan the next day without guilt.
“Moderation is the key. Make a plan – know which holiday foods you particularly love and which ones you can do without, obesity.


Watch our video about preventing childhood obesity.


Get moving
In addition to maintaining a healthy diet, it’s important to stay active.

“Winter actually offers a whole variety of options for being and staying active,” says Porter. “It sometimes just requires a little bit of creativity. We tell people not to be discouraged by the cold, but to put on their coats, hats and gloves and get outside and get moving. Of course, if the weather is just too bad, it’s a great excuse to spend time with family and friends indoors playing an active game – be it basketball at the local recreation center or a spirited round of Wii™ bowling in the living room.”

Renee Porter and Michael Witten, exercise specialist for Children's Hospital Colorado’s weight management program, offer parents creative ideas below around how to keep their families moving during the cold winter months.

Don’t let the cold weather stop you. Bundle up, go outdoors and have fun doing some of the following activities:


  • Build a snowman
  • Have a snowball fight
  • Go sledding, snowshoeing or ice skating
  • Walk around the neighborhood with your family looking at holiday lights
  • Build an igloo with snowballs
  • Organize a scavenger hunt with friends/family
  • Organize a game with friends/family (basketball, football, baseball)
  • If you live near the mountains, try skiing or snowboarding

Or try one of these indoor activities:


  • Have a family dance contest
  • Try out a new class at your local recreation center
  • Go swimming at an indoor pool
  • Go for a walk at the mall (be sure to wear your pedometer)
  • Play games like Twister™, Simon Says or Red Light/Green Light
  • Set up an indoor obstacle course for you, your family and friends
  • Buy or make some fitness dice. Roll the dice and then perform the exercise however many times the numbered die tells you to!

Flu Season 2013: What You Need To Know

Some  Key Things To Know This Flu Season:


THE SITUATION: The annual flu season hit about a month early this year, and illness is now widespread in 47 states. Many cases are caused by a flu strain that tends to make people sicker. But so far experts say it's too early to know whether this will end up being a bad season. Maybe not: There are signs the flu may have already peaked in a few states, though it's too early to tell for sure, health officials say.

THE VACCINE: This season's vaccine is well matched to the circulating strains, and there's still some available. It is 62 percent effective, according to government study results released Friday, which is pretty good for a flu vaccine. Health officials are urging people to get vaccinated; it's recommended for everyone 6 months or older.

THE DEFENSE: Besides getting a flu shot, wash hands with soap and warm water, and avoid touching your eyes, nose and mouth. Keep away from sick people.

THE TREATMENT: Most people will get a mild case and can help themselves and protect others by staying home and resting. But people with severe symptoms should see a doctor. They may be given antiviral drugs or other medications to ease symptoms.

COLD OR FLU?: Influenza is not the only bug making people sick. The cold virus and a nasty stomach virus are also going around. It can sometimes be hard to tell the difference, but cold symptoms include stuffy or runny nose, sore throat and sneezing. Flu usually involves fever, along with chills, headache and moderate-to-severe body aches and tiredness. Symptoms can come on rapidly, within three to six hours.


Nature Calls



Burning the wild lands, the moon rises gold; gold the eyes of wolves
Running in a rapid crouch up the snowy hill.  Exhaling,
I slip into the aspens, follow their tracks into a threshold of
Light under the firs.  The moon squats fat among them. I
Linger and watch, afraid.  Discard the fantasy that
I could be accepted, that I could be safe, that I could run.  With them.
A screech of owl cries. Wolves sing: close chorus, far response.
Nothing contains the fierce sacredness of this music.  I want to
Call back from this hidden body.  I pluck a tuft of fur from a drift,
Embrace bare branches, moon-bruised sky.  


In a cloud-smudged mirror of ice, shadows flicker, a broke
Face of moon shimmers.  I whisper: elk, caribou, antelope.  Stubbornly,
I reclaim the dream of hunting with the wolves.  Oh folly!  Will I return to this
Evening over and over, sifting through these images, lies and dreams?
Late-night owl calls again.  Wolf tracks fade in drifting snow. I glimpse
Deer, then fox.  Braid my tracks into theirs.








In The Midst Of The Elm



Mists of water fall
and fall. No damp squirrel, no
bird, no elm leaf stirs.
Elm leaves and their lean
branches droop, pulled down
by a weight of rain.
In silhouette, sparse
leaves and lean branches etch themselves
against wet grey sky.




Thursday, September 26, 2013

WWJD



Yes I have wrote about God, my faith and yes there are those who will call me a hypocrite and who has called me on it before. I have posted several things in hopes that this person will take a second look and can find something salvageable within in me. I am not perfect, but neither is anyone that dwells upon this earth in the flesh. Yes, we can change our outer appearance,but do we really change our inner appearance (our hearts) that no one, but God can see? If we judge others for their beliefs other than our own, how they dress, how they pray, what they post on facebook, does that make us right?  No!

We have to first seek out God for ourselves, with a sincere heart, repenting for our sins seeking his forgiveness before the spirit of God shall dwell in us. Then does this make us superior to others? Do we need to change everyone we know or meet? Yes, we can try but we are known by the fruits that we bare. We witness to people with love, charity and kindness. We project something that those lost will feel they are lacking and they have to have. We don't leave messages on our facebook page if you don't have Jesus then you have nothing. I went to church today I'm going to heaven if you didn't your going to hell. I wonder does this person have a personal pipeline to Jesus that I don't know about? I say nothing. I know this person is new in Christ and may be doing what she is taught if so I would clearly think about changing churches.

My God loves everyone even the sinner. That is why there is a sinners prayer. Not everyone conforms to what you think a Christian is. When new in Christ we need a lot of work on ourselves, learning and growing in Christ. We can never take it upon ourselves to judge others since they have one judge just as you do. Be on fire for Jesus, but also ask yourself WWJD? Would he pray for the sick? Would he show love to others? Would he talk with everyone without judgement and show them the way to the truth? I honestly think so.

 Jesus is a perfectly holy, just and loving God that holds out his hand to everyone for their salvation. 

He is the first one to forgive us so we can live a holy and loving life like how he showed us. 

That's why he doesn't cast stones. 

Being human, we are prone to act on our human nature and want to deny our own transgressions by throwing stones and pointing fingers at others. 



Perception Or Reality?



"The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too" (1 Kings 19:14).

The CEO walked into his manufacturing plant only to observe an employee standing by idly not working. Angrily, he walked over to him, peeled off a $100 bill and gave it to him: "Here, go spend your time elsewhere!" The man looked at the CEO somewhat puzzled, but left with the $100. "How long has that man worked for us?" said the CEO to the employee standing nearby. "Well sir, that man does not work for us; he is only the delivery man."

Perception is not always reality. Elijah was in a crisis. Jezebel wanted to kill him. The nation was falling to Baal worship. From his vantage point - it was all over. He was the only prophet remaining in all the land who had not bent his knee to the idol of Baal. He wanted to die.

Then, the Lord sent His angel to correct Elijah's perception: "Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel - all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and all whose mouths have not kissed him" (1 Kings 19:18). There were seven thousand Elijah knew nothing about! Elijah's perception was not reality.

Whenever things are going poorly, there is a temptation to believe God is not working in the situation. We may even believe our life is over. Everything from our vantage point is dark. We see no future. However, even in these times, God's plan is being orchestrated behind the scenes. He is accomplishing His purposes. But we need a fresh perspective on our situation.

Do you need a reality check on your situation? Ask God to show you the truth. It may be very different than your perception.



Something Better ♥ True Answers



Usually when we pray, we pray hoping that God will answer our prayers.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Jesus invites us to ask and it will be given, knock and you will find, Matthew 7:7-8

7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

But sometimes I think we settle for less when all we ask for is answers to prayer.  The truth is God is waiting to pour out something better than what we ask for, something that is in fact better than we can even think or imagine, Eph. 3:20.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.



For instance when the early church asked God for boldness to speak His word in the face of opposition, Acts 4:29.

29 Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness.

God not only answered their prayer and gave them boldness to speak the word but He sent a power that shook the room they were meeting in, Acts 4:31

31 After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly.

That’s pretty much the same thing he did in Acts 2:1 where they had been praying together in the Upper Room following the Lord’s ascension.  God poured out the Holy Spirit and enabled them to speak in languages that everyone understood.

The problem is sometimes when we pray all we ask for is answers when what God really wants is to pour out his power upon us in a way that shakes the foundations of the church and leads to an outpouring of His glory.  What I need to do then is stop just asking for answers to prayer and ask for an outpouring of His power upon my live and His church.


Me Without You



Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide
To hide, I can only retreat inside
Inside, I watch myself be strong
Strong, although I know its wrong
Wrong, because I'm not at fault. 
At fault, at fault, who is to blame? 
It's only salt -- 
Salt to our invisible wounds. 
Wounds that sprung up overnight.
Overnight, they metastasize without the light
The light that shines at morning sun
Sun that never rises in our hearts -- 
What's done is done.
Done and gone, tick-tock, our time is gone. 
Good-bye, good-bye, my weary heart wants rest. 
Rest will not come until I pass the test. 
The test, it looms in impatient waiting
Waiting for my spine to quit fading. 
Fading, fading, fading fast
Fast, it's gone. This cannot last. 
Last is final; final is through.
Through, we're through. It's me without you.


A Song



There is a song that pours from the stars
and flows with the ocean
embracing the world with its fiery grip,
emanating strength into our souls.
This is a song we all can sing
because it is within us,waiting to be heard
and felt and sung with the very same passion that
it is born from.
It is in our smiles,tears,sweat,doubt and pain.
It feels like a cool breeze on a summer day.
It feels like a hug from the arms of the Creator,
full of a love so warm your soul could melt from the
rawness of its power.
This is a song you can find on your knees in the
stillness of your being
or on your feet in front of a crowd.
The wonder of this song lies in this simple truth:
It expects nothing from you.
It craves you.
But remember ,it does not need you.
You need it.
Because it created you,and is waiting for you
to run back to it and receive the courage
and power you were meant to live and breathe.


♥ A Haunted Heart ♥


Why these tears never end
Spilling from wounds of deep
Fragments of heart to never mend
Abandoned to forever weep
Why did yesterday now faraway
Leave its images vivid in mind
Remorse ...regret ceaseless portray
Dreams of heart that only blind
Reliving moments past now constant
Try to forget and move on
Entangled within forever haunted
Awaken to discover all that is gone


For A Friend!

I am writing this for a dear friend. A dear friend that has been with me through my heartache this week. It wasn't phone calls since all I could do was cry and no one can understand a word I say while I am blubbering. Anytime I logged into facebook which was not that much at all there this person was with a kind word and seemed to know how I felt and why I could be so affected by both my mama and my soul mate Jason's death anniversary. Each year I tell my self I will not allow myself to let my emoticons get the best of me, but the day arrives and I am overcome with sadness.This person sat and talked to me for hours on IM and knew exactly what to say, when to say it and when to back off!

This song goes out to my friend!

  

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

So, I Write



From the very start, my inclination to write had always revolved around mostly one reason - that is to pen down the words that I don't usually speak. My inability to display my thoughts in a verbal context was always a shortcoming of mine, and writing serves quite well as an alternative channel that allows me to express at least a fraction of what goes on in the depths of my mind; It keeps me sane.

So, I write.

I have wrote for the past few years on this blog, but there have been others throughout the years. This blog was once named "A Extortionately Beautiful Life", but I changed it about 8 months ago. Since I changed the name to "The Soul Doctor"  I have used my blog as my main form of expression. I had churned out a variety of diary-like posts for tracking purposes, random musings, travelogues, thinking bubbles that got stuck at the back of my head, quotes that inspired me, epiphanies that magically unraveled over a cup of tea, paragraphs about people that were of importance, and many more that I am unable to remember.

The bulk of my words not only attempts to reenact the exact moment of occurrence, it also describes the myriad of feelings that transpired in the process; my happiness, my sorrows, my love, my lost, my flaws, my humor, my journey to find the bits and pieces that make up life. To be able to do that; to empty out the contents of my brain and heart is absolutely exhilarating, I tell you.

But, after years of thriving in this alternative cycle, the words that I am inclined to write gradually dwindled, until one day, I stopped writing altogether.

Now comes the moment of answering why -

Partly, I acknowledged the shift in priorities that comes along with age, situations and the constant changes occurring every now and then. Conditions became unfavorable, more and more responsibilities took precedence, and the time I am allowed the privilege to fully dwell in my thoughts is close to a negative these days.

How is it possible to write when I am not even allowed the luxury to mull things over?

And then, comes the realization of the unforeseen consequences after displaying my thoughts to the minority of those I know, and the majority of those I don't. Because of the frequent activity in this space - my growing dependence to use this as means of communication and to get my message across - people have eventually come to use this form of expression as a gauge for myself, meaning that the contents of this blog is used as means of defining the whole of me, and not vice versa.

Although I originally write with innocent intentions, a sense of vulnerability and insecurity slowly manifests as I am unable to control the assumptions and the invasion of privacy that indirectly resulted from my public display of thoughts; A hefty price that I am unwilling to pay nowadays.

Dramatic cons aside, I am happy to share that in recent months, I actually got better at speaking my mind, thankfully. :)

It took quite a bit of effort on my side and endless knocks on the head by people who made it a life's mission to change this part of me, but I am actually starting to buy this whole 'speak-my-mind' shit that most people keep advocating nowadays. It was definitely tough when I started but, I'd like to think that the gradual change in my reclusive character has brought about more good than anything else!


I write this now, knowing that it is not because I feel the need to, but because I allowed myself to choose this option as means of expressing what I think and feel at this point of time.
Part of it is also due to sentimental reasons; To relive a past-time that used to be a constant in my daily activities.

It brings me joy to hear of people taking the time to read and to somewhat comprehend my words that could possibly make no sense, grammar that doesn't really make the cut, or thoughts that you may question how it stemmed to begin with.

Maybe, that was one of the reasons I chose to write today.

For you to just know.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

The One



While I may be a very stubborn realist at heart, instead of scoffing at the usual cliché saying about how there's always 'The One' person for you, me and everyone else in this world, I choose to firmly believe in it.

I mean, it'd be a sadistic sort of personal satisfaction if I could prove it otherwise, but there's just too many living examples floating about in huge happy bubbles right in front of my eyes for me to not acknowledge the truth in that statement. My way of perceiving it, however, evolved as I get older, and also after going through a few heartfelt experiences that, hmmm, hit really close to home..?

The One was initially what I'd like to think of as someone who already co-exists with me in this world, and it is only a matter of whether I'd have the chance to be able to someday, somewhere, find him and live happily ever after woohoo! *throws confetti*

Ahem, that was very cliché.

On the other hand, how I actually perceive things in current times is a different concept that's skews slightly closer to my kind of reality, with more complicated mechanics, unfortunately.

The One that I believe in now, doesn't necessarily already exist in this world for you to coincidentally stumble upon on a fine, sunny day; he or she will eventually exist through the intense confirmation and commitment towards the relationship that you have with them, and the magnitude of effort that you're willing to put in to make things work until the very end.

They come into existence because you truly, and wholeheartedly want them to be, and nothing else that is otherwise.


In My Future



One day, with a warm cuppa green tea in one hand, I would look back at the remnants of my youth and tell myself that there was a reason for everything that had happened, and everything that didn't.

How many times have you thought that each occurrence in life is a separate entity on its own, completely having no relations to one another, only to eventually realize that the case might be otherwise?

Most often, a single decision you make has the potential to influence the consequential paths after. One thing leads to another, manifesting a snowball of effects and before you know it, you are caught within the momentum of events that you are unable to take control of.

What and where I am today, are a result of these effects.

Many a time, I question the reasons for the series of events that occur in my life - whether it was due to my split second decisions; whether they are right, whether they are likely to reap the best of outcomes. Obviously, not all things always goes my way, hence the enigma of how some things dictate their own course, with the capability to suddenly spiral out of your range of control.

When that particular day comes, when I (hopefully) achieve the stage where I am able to reminisce, I would probably think that through it all, I've had my fair share of wrong decisions made at the wrong times, regrettable actions or things that could have been, bitterness, words left unsaid, ties formed and bonds broken, all the works that each human cycle would likely take you through.

But, then again, whatever the reasons, I think I could say that through it all, I was happy enough.


Finishing Things 10 Tips



Everyone says I am creative, yet I never finish many things I start. It is a bad habit of mine to start another project before I though with one what I have already started. This became clear to me when I was showing my friend John a quilt I have been working on for 5 years for my daddy. I know I have excuses a plenty, I was sick, I had no time as a resident, work etc. Yet, I need to finish something before I start something else.Plain and simple. I was so proud of my work on the quilt the love I put into each stitch, but explaining how long it has taken me and the fact that it is not padded really put me to shame.This is someone I really look up to and his opinions matter to me, yet I was showing one of my human flaws not finishing what I started. So I have went out and purchased the padding and I hope to start on it soon to have it ready for daddy for Christmas.

Do you have a habit of starting projects, but not finishing them?
It might be the new business you want to start but you’re still writing through the business plan. It might be the album which you want to launch but you’re still composing the songs. It might be the book which you want to finish writing but you’re still stuck in the early chapters.
If you have been taking action and working on your goals, that’s a big achievement and you should be proud of yourself! Getting started is your first step to realizing your goals.
However, if you have a habit of starting many new things but not finishing them, that’s something to look into. Many people get stuck in the thinking but not doing phase, and that’s not good because your goals won’t magically get completed without you taking action.
Completing a project successfully takes proper planning and conscious action. If you have ever embarked on a project, you’d know that every goal/project comes with its own set of challenges which are not visible when you first start.
Personally, I embark on many projects in the course of running my business and pursuing my personal goals, and I have a good body of experience on how to successfully take projects from start to completion. Here are my 10 best tips on how to finish the projects you have started:


1. Be selective in what you embark on

When you start on a project (especially if it’s a big scale one), be sure that this is something you are passionate about and you want to see through. Personally I don’t start something unless I’m absolutely sure that I’m interested in it.
I have embarked on things which I was half-interested in in the past, for example learning tennis or learning Japanese. Eventually I stopped them mid-way. This resulted in waste of time and resources which could have been better utilized elsewhere. Because of that, I’m more conscious of how I utilize my time and energy today. If you set a high threshold on what you want to do, the completion rate is also higher.
If you aren't sure that this is something you really want to do, you can dip your feet into the pool first – try it out on a small scale and see if it’s what you’re interested in. For example, if you’re interested in starting a business, read up on it first. If you’re keen to be a writer, try a personal writing project (NaNoWriMo is a good place to start) or getting some freelance work. Another way is to sit on it for a few weeks. If you keep thinking about it every day for weeks, then you should probably give it a go-ahead.

2. Estimate the resources you need

In companies they do resource planning, where they estimate how much resources is needed for a project. After which, they plan out the manpower and investment accordingly. For us, that means doing a quick plan on how much time and effort this idea will take, so we can have a bird’s eye view.
It doesn't have to be exhaustive. Just a quick outline will help. The point is to have something that guides you.
For example Live a Better Life in 30 Days Program is a sizable project which took me about 6 good weeks to complete. When I first started working on it, my first step wasn't to dive in and write as many words as I could. That’s sort of like running a marathon by dashing right at the start. It’s not going to work and it’s just going to burn you out before you even get anywhere!
Rather, I created a simple, skeletal outline of the key tasks of the project, which were (1) Create outline of the book (2) Put together the raw content (3) Collate pictures, select quotes, etc (4) Evaluate and Rewrite the materials (5) Cover and interior book design (6) Creating the sales page and graphics (7) Tidy up all the details (8) Marketing (9) Final launch preparation.
With the raw outline done, then I broke it down into smaller tasks by each section, starting with the first – creating the outline. I then moved to the other sections. Having this skeletal outline gives me a bird’s eye view on what needs to be done, so I can prepare myself accordingly. This then brings to the next point in resource planning.

3. Budget your time and energy accordingly

After you create your outline, you should have a realistic idea of how much time and effort is needed to complete it. Plan out your time and resources accordingly and integrate them into your schedule/to-do list. Block out time in your calendar for the project. Give yourself some buffer as well, in case of contingencies.
A big reason for loss of enthusiasm or energy is when people underestimate the amount of work needed to bring the goal to life. I remember last year, I started on a book project which never saw the light of the day. I dove straight in without any plan, thinking that if I kept writing for one to two weeks, it would eventually be finished. I spent countless days and nights just writing, but it never got anywhere after months. In the end, I was getting new ideas on new things to do, and it was time to move on to other projects.
Looking back, the biggest reasons why it was never completed was because (a) I underestimated the work required (b) I was being too hung up about unimportant details (see #4 on perfectionism). That led to unnecessary rewriting, which prevented me from moving forward. To this day the book still sits in my computer. I might get to it in the future, but not now as I've many things which I’m more interested to work on.
Good planning of resources help you plan out your energy and expectations. You know you have to put in X hours and X work to get the final output, so you’ll manage yourself appropriately to achieve your desired outcome. That’ll lead to a higher project success rate.

4. Quit being a perfectionist

How many of us keep delaying work because we want to get it just right? I’m all for perfectionism and getting the best output, but if your desire for perfectionism is preventing you from getting things done, I think it’s good to challenge it. If you’re stalled at a stage of the project and you keep revising it again and again, park it for a later stage and move on to a new part. Return to it later on and see it with fresh eyes. You might notice that what you were hung up about really isn't that big of a deal. Also, constantly referring to your outline (step #2) is also helpful in getting perspective. Your objective is to finish the project, so keep your eyes on the prize.
If your perfectionism is preventing you from even getting started, try these two tips: First, break the task into many little steps, then focus on one part at the time. If you still put it off after breaking it down, then break it down even further into mini pieces. Soon, you’ll be left with such a simple task that you’ll be wondering what was keeping you from doing it from before! The second tip is to give yourself the permission to do a draft version. Meaning, there’s no need to get it done right the first time. Just creating a draft, even if it’s a crappy one, is better than if you didn't do anything at all. Get started and things will roll on from there.

5. Commit to it

Once you start, commit to it. Whatever you have planned, do them. Give yourself the option to exit a project if it’s really not in line with your vision (see #9), but otherwise hold yourself to your word.
Last month I was overseas in Hong Kong for a conference and a business meeting. While I was there, my friends asked me if I wanted to go sightseeing during the weekday evenings and weekends. I rejected the offer because I was working on the 30DLBL program and it was falling behind my personal timeline. I knew if I were to go out for the week, the book would never be completed on time, because (a) there was a lot of work to be done and (b) I had other projects lined up after 30DLBL. I wouldn't feel happy at all while I was out because I wasn’t being true to myself. Finishing the book was about my commitment to myself and also to my readers out there who would truly benefit from it. Sightseeing was something I could always do in a separate time – it was not big of a deal.
Likewise for you, ask yourself what’s more important to you – Going out to party for the weekend or to work on that business you’ve been meaning to set-up? The former might bring you some temporal gratification, but the latter is what truly gives you satisfaction. The rewards you get from doing the latter are rewards which you’ll continue to reap long afterwards.

6. Connect with your end vision

You might have experienced this. Whenever you begin on a new project, you’re full of energy and enthusiasm. Then when you get into the thick of things, this energy fades away, bit by bit. You’re still excited about the overall project, but you’re not so hyped about the nitty gritty tasks that come as part of the work. After all, it’s the beautiful house that you seek at the end, not all the brick laying and cementing work.
But all the brick laying and cementing work IS part of what makes that beautiful house in the end. Every little bit you’re doing now counts toward realizing that end vision. It’s just easy to lose sight of that because you’re caught up in the daily micro-tasks that keep coming, one after another.
The problem here is your end vision is slipping away from you, so just bring it back in sight (both physically and mentally). Surround yourself with anything that’s reminds you of your end goal, such as your vision board, pictures of others who have achieved the same goal, objects that represent the goal, etc. For example, one of my clients has a goal to get a Cadillac one day, so he bought a small toy Cadillac model from Walmart which he puts in front of his desk. In front of my work desk is my life map, an inspiring quote of the moment and pictures of my top goals, and these continuously remind me of my end vision, in a conscious and subconscious manner. That’s environmental reinforcement at work and it’s very effective because it’s effortless on your part.
Creating a mock-up of what you’re doing (where applicable) is extremely helpful too. When I was working on 30DLBL program in word processor in the past, I would regularly export it into a pdf and scan through it. This small action reinvigorates me, since the pdf mock-up draws the immediate link between how what I’m doing now contributes to the end output. If you’re working on a blog/website, then preview the site as it’d look to the readers. If you’re working on a computer program, then run it and test it as a user.

7. Follow the path of highest enjoyment

I found one of the easiest and most effortless ways to complete my projects is to be flexible in my project management approach. In Steps #2 and #3, I mentioned creating an outline of what needs to be done, section by section, step by step. Now, most people will finish the tasks in sequential order. Task 1 comes first, followed by Task 2, then Task 3, etc. Sounds straight forward and easy, doesn't it?
I did this for a long time until I realized it wasn't the most effective method. For example, some days I would feel like doing Task 3, but if I follow the project timeline, I had to do Task 1 before I could get to Task 2 then 3. The thought of having to do 1 and 2 first was a downer. This would slow down the project… eventually reaching a halt because it stopped being fun. Working on the goal felt like a hollow activity.
On the other hand, when I give myself flexibility over what to do (while maintaining within the confines of the project), working on the project becomes like a big adventure. For example for 30DLBL program, I created the sales page and the cover design before I started on the book, even though these were the later tasks in the outline. Because I was inspired to work on them, the output came readily. The cover design was finished in the same evening, while a good portion of the sales page was finished in that same session. It was extremely fun the whole time I was working on it and it felt effortless. Subsequently, after finishing them, I then picked the next task I wanted to work on, then proceeded from there.
This approach makes me feel like I’m in a candy store and I get to pick whatever candy I want. It excites me because there’s an element of choice. I also give myself freedom to drop a particular task, move to another one, and come back when I feel like working on it again. Essentially, as long as I’m working on the goal, I’m progressing. So, it doesn't matter whether there’s something that’s not completed – it’s just temporary. And because I’m excited about it, ideas flow readily and I work faster too.
I refer to this as the path of highest enjoyment – doing what makes you feel happiest at the moment. When you do so, you automatically become productive in your work. Try this out and see how it works for you.
Here’s a related post I wrote in 2009 on how I feel self discipline is overrated: Self Discipline is Overrated

8. Track your progress

Tracking your progress helps you understand how you’re doing and gives you a target to reach. This makes it easier to keep up with your momentum. Create a project sheet that records your targets and your current status. Specify key performance indicators (KPIs) that you want to achieve. If your goal is to lose weight, your KPIs will invariably be your weight, your fat percentage, and perhaps your performance during your exercise sessions (example – the distance covered in 30 minutes, how many weights you lifted, and the like). If your goal is to start a business, your KPIs may be your weekly customers, revenue and net income.
Every week, review your progress. What % of your end goal have you achieved? Is it on track against your target? Why or why not? What are the key things to do next? What is your target for the next week? Tracking makes you accountable to your goal and helps you to stay on track.

9. Celebrate what you've done so far

Sometimes we get discouraged with all the things that need to be done. It seems like no matter how much time we spend, it’s impossible to finish it. The amount of work overwhelms us and we opt out halfway.
Here’s the thing – Everything you've done so far IS an accomplishment! Many of us tend to emphasize on the last finishing task as the most important task, but really, all that you've done and what you’re doing now contributes toward the final product. So celebrate it. Give yourself a huge pat on the back and a big bear hug. Celebrate the process, the resting, the doing, the completion, everything. Take the opportunity to recharge and regroup. When you’re ready, continue on to with what you’re doing. You’re really doing a fantastic job.

10. Don’t force it if it’s really not working out

Sometimes, it just happens that you lose interest in the goal. It happens, and it’s normal. We change, our interests change, and we get new ideas and inspiration the whole time. Some people may feel it’s a waste of their efforts if they do something and don’t complete it, so they push themselves to go on.
Personally, I think it depends on the situation. I think whatever efforts you've put into the situation is already a sunk cost, and it shouldn't factor into your decision of whether to continue doing it or not. The things that should influence your decision are (1) the benefits you will reap (2) the costs involved (future time, effort, resources that are needed). If it’s really not working out for you, then I recommend you drop it and move on to the next thing. Spending more time (and energy) on it is just a big waste. Considering you have no desire to do it anymore, you’re expending a lot of energy just to overcome that resistance! Think of it as dragging a car up a hill. For all that energy you spend battling your resistance, you can already use it constructively on something else.
It might seem like a big waste dropping all that’s done, but it’s not big of a deal. You are creatively capable of achieving a lot more than you realize. What you've done so far is just a small speck of what you can achieve. Trying to hold on to what you've done just prevents more goodness from coming your way.
I adopt the drop-and-go approach a lot with my work. For the 400 over articles you see here, there are actually about 100 half-written articles that have not seen the light of the day (yet). Some of them are 10% complete, some 30% complete, and some about half done. When I started out, I would make sure that I finish every article I start. Subsequently, it led to a lot of wasted time and effort in rewriting (and rewriting, and rewriting) whenever I tried to complete an article which I had lost inspiration for. On the other hand, when I follow my inspiration, the work is just effortless. (point #7)
You might ask: Wouldn't all the work that went into writing the posts (halfway) go to waste? Not at all. They all add to my 10,000 hours of experience. I learn from writing them, and this learning will come in handy for my future posts.
Give yourself the permission to drop what you’re doing if it’s not working out, and you might just find many new things coming your way straight after that. Read: Quitting To Win
Of course, don’t just start dropping every single thing you’re doing now just because you lose interest. It’s a benefits vs. costs equation. If it’s almost done (99% completion), and the benefits from pushing through that final 1% far outweigh the costs, then go ahead and get it done. It’s a judgment call that you make from weighing out the benefits and costs.
Apply the Tips
Review the 10 tips above – How can you apply these tips in the project you’re currently working on? Write down your answers and start acting on them.
Bookmark this guide because it’ll come in handy in the future. When you’re starting on a new project, use this list as a guide. If you feel burnt out mid-way, apply the tips and it’ll help you to swing forward.
If you found this guide helpful, do share it via Twitter and like it on Facebook. Let’s share it to those who can benefit from it.