Sunday, November 18, 2012

SHAME ON YOU!



It seems as if the last few weeks have been a reminder that you cannot trust people, 
even people you think you know so well. People you think are the most honest, caring
and reliable people you have ever known are liars and cheats. You have no idea about
people until you have been burned by them. I was hurt more than I have ever been 
hurt in my entire life, and I lost a friendship over it. 

I pray that I will learn to trust again, but I think I will always proceed with caution.
This has made me bitter and cold, something I have never been before. I have been 
mad or had my feelings hurt before, but this has almost destroyed me. This person
knows my pain from my past and yet feels they must get there turn at bat or 
drive the nail in a little deeper. 

I refuse to be hurt, I have gave it all to God. I am a firm believer in Karma and
so I know things will turn on them in the end for hurting me so. I have always
been a trusting person and one who cares probably too deeply. Yet, I am a
survivor and I will get though this as I have every other pain that has came
my way. 

Shame on you! Shame on you for the lies you told and for hurting me!


I Am Thankful For All My Blessings


I am thankful for my many blessings and they are many. Like so many people I get bogged down
by life and therefore when I whine about being hurt by people I must sound as if I am not completely thankful for this life in which I lead. But, that couldn't be further from the truth. I thank God each and everyday for his many blessings he has bestowed upon me. I know where my blessings come from and I am thankful. Without God in my life there would be no blessings to speak of. I know that each person has to live there life and some do without God in it, but knowing God helps you see each new blessing as it arrives.



This last year has been a wake up call for me as far as romance and trusting people, but I am hopeful that God will help me over come this. I am still blessed to have lived and loved and we learn from the mistakes that we make. 



I am Thankful for my family, friends and each new breath I take
I am thankful for Bentley, Cara and Orion for they are my best 
friends and my babies. I am thankful for my Georgia Home and
my home here in Baltimore. I am Thankful that I have plenty to
eat and shelter from the storm. I am most thankful for my job and
the children I care for. I am thankful that I am able to do what I 
love and my reward is that of babies and children getting well and
going home. My list is endless for I have so much to be thankful for
and I count each blessing daily. 

I pray that you to can count your blessings
God Bless
&
Happy Thanksgiving  

  

Monday, November 12, 2012

LIFE


I know I sound critical and broken down by life, yet life ain't going to whip my ass. I have many more miles ahead of me and and I shall not be removed from life by simple heartaches. I have a feeling there will be many more heartaches to go before this life is over. 

I am always thought to be the heart breaker, but truth be know I intimidate men. They think they want me, and then they have no clue how to treat me. I will not come in a mere second to anyone. Most men do not approach me out of fear of being shot down. Then there are those who think because I am from the South they are so much better than I am.   

News flash, not to toot my own horn but I am so much better than the men that come my way.


WORD OF ADVICE


It is the people that you think you know best that completely and utterly  blow you out of the water. The people that you trusted the most that take advantage you. The people who say they love and respect you that will show you what love is not. How can you trust people who lie to you? Thing is once you have been burned you learn not to play with fire anymore. Life is so full of surprises and the players are getting harder to read. The players in the game are the ones you least suspect 

Seems everyone has an agenda and the players look like the people you have known for years.
The same people that say they love you will stab you in the heart and flee the scene. Why can't people be truthful and honest to you and themselves? Believe it or not the sharks are always circling to see who they can devour. 

Trust issues , yes I have them. Even more so now that I have been attacked in a surprise attack. I cannot even trust myself to make wise decision that pertains to my life any longer. I will survive as I always do, but the scars will be there for life now. 

WORD OF ADVICE: 

TRUST NO ONE! 


Thursday, November 1, 2012

"The Raggedy Girl"




The Raggedy girl, sits in her raggedy world, dreaming of a life that  sparkles and gleams.
these are only things that she dare dream. But Raggedy girls life is that of a servant for the 
Queen……

 To sweep up ashes of others is Raggedy Girl’s  duty..

To clean up all the dreams of the privileged her fate…

The dreams that do not come true for the privileged all fall into ashes  upon the ground….

Raggedy girl  is the keeper of the ashes….

Each time there is heartache and grief  upon the privileged it is Raggedy girls job to clean them up…

Each time Raggedy girl is called upon she  sweeps each heartache carefully under the rug for it to return no more to plague the privileged….

Raggedy girl can not be seen or heard in this manor high upon the hill for it would break all the rules….

As soon as her task is finished she must return to the dark, cold dungeon in which she dwells…..

Raggedy girl can only dream of a life, simple but bright, one where she can feel the sun upon 
Her face and the wind in her hair. …..

The Raggedy girl has a dream, Oh but will it ever come true? …..

Also in her dream she dreams of a man, a simple man , but to Raggedy girl he is a prince (her prince charming)… 

Oh, does Raggedy girl dare dream of a real life? ………….

Is Raggedy girl entitled and worthy for all her dreams to come true?…. 

She cannot help herself for she can only imagine a life other than the one she is living…..

Oh’  how could Raggedy girl possibly escape this dungeon  in which she dwells and become free….

This is Raggedy Girl dream each and every night as she lies upon her bed…..

Raggedy girl must escape before it is too late…

On this night she puts a plan in motion, her heart beats fast and her pulse quickens at the very thought…

Raggedy girl must make her escape tomorrow night if she is to live…

She makes her plans to sneak down the corridor, hiding in the shadows along the long endless hallway all
The way to the door that she once saw and to make sure the door is not locked, if the door is locked she does not know what she will do. The more plans Raggedy girl makes for her escape she is plagued by nervousness and anxiety. She starts to remind herself of all the things that could happen if her escape is not successful. She finally drifts off to sleep and her prince charming is there (Come, he says) (Come) ( Come to Me Raggedy girl. 

As she awakes she wonders if she really had made plans to leave tonight or was it just part of her dream?….    

She knows that the plans are well thought out and she just pretends to think of the plans as dreams for she is truly terrified to carry out the task. This is real, this is what she wants with every fiber of her being. She just has to carry out her escape tonight as she planned. …..

This day was the longest day in Raggedy girls had every remembered. There was no heartache or grief on this day so Raggedy girl was not beckoned all day, all seemed haughtily quite in the manor today. Raggedy girl sit on her bed and  thought of this for the first time, if my escape is successful what happens then? What will I do? Where Will I go? Will I be able to survive in a world with no one? She wondered are there other Raggedy girls in the world like me? Has others worked as a service to others all there lives and never had a real life of there own? Where will she sleep at least she has a bed and food here. Will she find these things in the world? Where will this man in her dreams be? Will she be able to find him? What will she do if she cannot find him? Does he really exist? …..

It is the hour for Raggedy girl departure from this place, the only place she has ever known. It is dark very dark, but a dim gleam of light beckons to her in the night and shines just enough for her to see. Raggedy girl opens her door, the only door she has ever known that has held her here for as long as she remembers. She opens the door quietly, but  her hand shakes as she does so. …..

Once in the corridor she lets out a sigh, but the worse is yet to come, she feels it deep within and starts to shake. She tells herself you can do this and precedes down the darken corridor, one foot in front of the other, and she refuses to look back. She knows if she looks back that she will turn and run back to the only thing she has ever known. So she walks on with only the dreams that  has beckon to her each night for most of her adult life….

Aimlessly she walks on , but no door does she see. At times she feels as though she is walking in circles, as if she was in a maze. She summons her memory to sustain her and to give her  some idea of where she is now and summons strength to carry on in her quest for freedom. Then she remembered that in her dreams last night the man appeared (the one she calls prince charming) He had said, Come, Come to me Raggedy girl, Come. Raggedy girl closed her eyes and she willed his voice to come to her now and lead the way for her to find him. Without him and if he is only a dream she might as way find her way back to her bed and stay here for she was too frightened to make it in the world alone. 

Raggedy girl was ready to give up, because it seemed as though standing here awake  that her prince
Charming had to be just a dream. This made Raggedy girl very sad that he talked to her every night in her dreams , but in reality where was he when she really needed him? She slid down the darkened wall and started to cry , she cried for her life alone in the dark, she cried that she was mistaken and she would never escape this terrible dark place after all, she cried for the man that she loved that turned out to be only a dream.

As she sit there in that dark corridor floor wondering how she could have been so mistaken about everything. She thought she could escape this place and go into the light for once in her life She thought the man that came to her each night would be real. In her dreams the two of them had planned a life together, children and a future together. In her dreams he had waited for her until she could be free of this prison she was living in, but now he couldn’t just let her hear his voice and lead her out  and to freedom. Raggedy girl placed her face into her hands and wept uncontrollably. She needed to be quiet but she could not help herself. The flood gates of her heart opened up and  her garments she was wearing became wet from her tears, and now she was lost, cold and wet, 

Raggedy girl composed herself and became strong and was determined to leave this hell that been her prison for so long. She felt hurt that her prince was not there in spirit and she could not rely on him to help her find her way out. She started to dry her tears on her sleeve since there was nothing else available. Her vision became clear, and as a matter of fact the corridor seemed brighter than before with a gleam about it. She gained courage and increased her pace from one foot in front of the other to a run. She was going to get out tonight if she died doing so, and she realized that she had been waiting on the man for help and it never came. In the distance she saw a light over a door and she ran to it fast and realized the light over the door read exit.

Here she was standing in front of a door that read exit. Raggedy girl had to stand there for a minute and gain composure. But, she was be damned if she got this far and she was not  going to wait a minute longer to open this door. She quickly turned the handle, but before she stepped out she was over come by all the noise of people talking loudly and other noises she did not recognize on the other side of the door

She took a deep breath and open it fast. The lights were so bright, brighter than she had ever experienced before and the noise overwhelming. She stood there trying to make out where she was and did not have a clue. She saw signs behind a long counter with people standing behind the counter and people standing in front of it. There was very long lines so she thought about looking around first to try to figure out where she was. Raggedy girl was truly nervous since she had never saw anything like this before. She looked back to the door that she had came from and there was a man standing in front of the door now. Should she go back through the door or stay here? She asked herself.

She wished the man would leave from in front of her door she had came through. She was starting to shake and thought she would surely pass out right there. As she went closer to the door knowing she did not know what to do and was safer  from where she came from than here in this world. As she slowly walked toward the door in what felt like an eternity. As she approached the man turned slowly and in his hands was a sign that read. 



   “RAGGEDY GIRL”