Sunday, September 15, 2013

Why We Love Being Single





Pajamas Can Be Worn All Day, Every Day
Need to go to the grocery store? Pajamas will do. Need to grab a bottle of wine for dinner? Pajamas will do. Need to watch "The Price Is Right"? There's nothing else in the world that pairs with it better than a good old comfy set of sleepwear that's fresh out of the dryer!


No One Judges You When You Dance
When you're a free man or woman, the robot, Macarena or crumping are at your disposal because no one's there to judge your less than mediocre dance skills. Fortunately, that's where bedrooms and shower stalls come in handy.


 You Can Fly Solo On Halloween
Remember Halloween couple costumes? Of course you do. They're the worst thing next to un-sliced bread, but when you fly solo, you can wear than blow-up horse/cowboy costume you've always dreamed of. Do it for the costume, stay single.


 Clothing Optional
"Frank The Tank" learned it the hard way, but when you're tied to someone else, going streaking isn't always aceptable. As all your single friends can tell you, casual nudity is something which shouldn't be taken lightly. Why wear clothes when you can just as easily eat naked?


 You Can Watch Whatever You Want
Tired of fighting for the remote or debating whether re-runs of "Desperate Housewives" are actually better than new episodes of "Mad Men"? Singledom puts the power in your hands, and that my friends, means Friends marathons.


#9 You Can Do The "Single Ladies" Dance And Mean It
Have you ever felt the need to flashmob to the tune of Single Ladies? Of course you have, you're human. But you can only truly "Put A Ring On It" if you're actually single. And no, taking the engagement ring off doesn't apply!


Grooming, what grooming?
Break-ups lead to hibernation which leads to a severe lack of grooming. Meaning that beard you wanted so badly can finally grow on its own. It can also adopt weird quirks like hair dye and Goldfish crackers.


 Fast Food Becomes Your Best Friend
"The Fast Food Binge" - it's a period of time where our taste buds party like it's their birthday and our emotions get flooded by super-sized items. Add in amateur couponing, and life can seem pretty unbelievable for a short ( and unhealthy) period of time.


 You Don't Have To Clean Your Room
When you're single, no one's yelling at you to put away your dirty boxers. And why should it matter? Your're only going to get back in bed and mess everything up again in a few hours, right?


And You Don't Have To Clean Your Kitchen
The kitchen is one of the most popular rooms in a household/dorm and it can often be one of the messiest. In case messes get a little bit out of hand, just take the smart route and say an elephant came by looking for a bottle of Sriracha.


 Bad Hair, Don't Care
In the single world, bad hair days don't exist. Waking up on the wrong side of the bed is "in" and not because of low self-esteem, but mainly because you couldn't care less if you look like Pippi Longstockings or Alfalfa.


Toilets Can Be Up, Down Or Can Use The Force
All the design aspects of your life fall in your own hand, so if you want to wear bunny slippers around the house, you can. And if you want a "Star Wars"-themed toilet seat cover in your bathroom, you can install that quicker than you can say "Millennium Falcon".


 You Can Be Lazy Anytime Of The Day
Really, no one can tell you what to do when you're single, and because of that, you have free reign to be absolutely lazy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Luckily, eating Doritos goes hand-in-hand with doing a whole lot of nothing.


No comments:

Post a Comment