It has been awhile since I blogged and yet I have needed to vent about life. I am a open book due to the advice of a therapist after losing both my mom and fiancee within a short period of time. I was just talking to a friend that I have known for ten years now. Wow doesn't time fly? It seems as though I have known this person forever, although we have never met there is a bond there that will surpass the hands of time. We had talked about me feeling as though my life is at a stand still as though I am just waiting to finish my fellowship to move on with a new phase in my life.
I find that I want to love again, but I want things to be right when I do. I know there is no perfect time that I need to live for the here and now, and leave my past where it belongs in my past. Yet, I have held on to a love that is gone for far to long. I realize that although, I try to be a good person I don't make it easy for people to love me. I still shut people out and I am good at it. I want so bad to let someone in and share my life with them, but when I start to have feelings for them I shut them out as to not place my pain upon them.
I heard a song the other day for the first time due to working so much I never have the time to listen to the radio or music channels on TV and I have "Sirius Music Radio" The song is "A Girl Like Me" By Miranda Lambert. This song is me, exactly.
I still feel pain everyday and the only man I ever heart loved is gone from me forever, so I ask myself why try?
Why try to have something that will never be the same and hurt someone in the process? I have been hurt and therefore I do not want to cause someone pain if I don't have it in me to love them as they need to be loved. I want to give as good as I get and be able to love someone unconditionally and without doubts. But, life and love is complicated ......
"With A Girl Like Me"
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