Monday, April 1, 2013

No Detour



Dark moon rising,the twinkle of the night is the only light shining.
Cold careless whispers, evil thoughts defining.
Searching for solace, unable to find it, the mind continues pining.
Wanting, hoping, praying for...
Peace, purpose, direction, fulfillment, something more...
Than this bare existence that I've been plagued to explore.

Yet, there's no detour.

Surprisingly new, clouds span the sky with a crimson hew.
Yesterday, gone. Last night, faded away.
Blessed to be refreshed, like the grass is with the morning dew.
And still, on this path I remain... I stay.

There's no detour ahead.

On this path I stroll,
with no one to console.
Tribulation, pain, and strife attacks my being as a whole.
Wanting relief, a focus, something to distract my soul.
Yet, my burden, my yoke is my lesson...to achieving my goal.

I choose not to turn.
I pray that my soul doesn't burn.
and that... my heart doesn't grow cold.
So many unanswered prayers thru closed clenched eyes I stare...
at my future, at my journey, while being tormented by my past.
Therefore, there's...

No detour ahead.

Only with Gods' help will I last.



Love Has Many Names



What can I give or offer to express how proud I am?
Diamonds, rubies, gold, treasures from a far off land?
None seem to encompass the feelings I hold.
Yet, what I feel can not be bought or sold.
Many have tried to attain it.
Some even abused it.
Some got used to it and its passion grew old.
And still it remains.
Free from the chains.
What is it called?
My heart, my word, my love? It has many names.
And all that it is...
I give it to you.
I ask for nothing in return.
Only that you keep doing what you do.
You... are the spark that was illuminated when I was in the dark.
This trip thought to be forever, a journey in bliss together, but only
for the true-ness of life to be revealed. Life is real, not ideal.
You give me joy and this is what I try to give to you.


So,


what can I give or offer to express how proud I am?
My heart?
You are my words in action. Everything I ever dreamed to be. You show me who
I am.
My love?
Planted by God, all according to his plan. For, when I thought that there was
no love to give... You are the reminder of how wrong I am.
And this is my word from the depths of my soul,
I love you with all my heart.
Not for what you have or what you do.
Simply for the soul that you obtain and just being you.



I Wonder



Aching heart and dear spiteful mind
Charmed by hope and hope hopefully blind
Wishing for, dreaming of, aspiring to attain
that which can't be grasped due to its thorns
and immeasurable pain
Is there one that will love me?
In spite of all my flaws
Unconditionally so... keep my heart in awe.
Just a trick of the mind
Truth revealed in time
Death is the only thing that is sure
The only thing that I can claim as mine.
Mysteries of the unknown
and the powers that be
To the God that created it all
what is the purpose that you have set forth for me?
Simple pain and a memory full of regrets
Misery and sorrow, a life of emptiness and complexities
glimpses of joy stolen and death to be cherished?

I wonder.

And what is this desire you have placed in my heart?
Desiring to do your will...
grow closer to you...
altruistic behavior...
and yet,created in flesh
and placed in a world where the opposite is true.

To desire love so much
only to be appeased by the deceiving nature of lust.
Living a life of honesty in a world of lies
where the deceivers prosper and the wicked are the ones they trust.
It's an oxymoron of sorts
To move in the spirit, but live in the flesh.
To be seen as an outcast when I'm giving you my best.

I wonder.

However, another day I'm alive,
so unto I submit my will;
for,this must be according to your plan.
I just pray that your will be done...
Have mercy...
Kill the pain, sadness, sorrow, and loneliness
in this woman.


American Winter (A MUST READ)




As I came in from Easter Brunch I cut on the TV and an HBO Documentary was just starting, so I sat down to watch, and I found myself feeling these peoples pain. This documentary put a different twist to the dynamics of needy and gave new faces to the cause of the homeless. These are people who speak of the American Dream and for years were living just that. They were not wealthy, but some were blue collar workers and some white collar workers, but with one thing in common they were the middle class.     


The faces you are about to see are the faces you would expect to see on pubic assistance, food stamps etc. Each of these people worked hard to provide for there families and are very prideful people. They themselves spoke of how they thought only the needy should qualify for assistance and thought too many people misused the system as all of us has said this same thing before. But, yet when these people were laid off of jobs some making over 100,000 a year or more they found they were 3 to 5 pay checks from living on the street. Some had severance and along with unemployment stayed afloat for a while, but then there unemployment benefits ran out they still could not find work. 

Overview: As the economy slowly recovers from the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression, an increasing number of families are caught in a daily struggle to meet basic needs. At the same time, the social safety net intended to help those in crisis has been weakened by budget cuts, creating a perfect storm of greater need and fewer resources for the vulnerable. Viewed through the stories of eight families, AMERICAN WINTER reveals the devastating fallout of the mortgage meltdown, unemployment, the health care crisis and a shrinking social safety net. Included in the film are interviews with local economic experts, policy analysts, religious leaders and social workers.

Some were told that were over qualified for the positions they were seeking. John the 50 year old was actually informed that he was too old for the position since some of his co-worker had landed jobs with a company, but they were younger than John. John has a Down Syndrome son Geral that he has to care for and is doing everything to keep his farm do that Geral will not have to move into a new environment with different surroundings that would be hard for Geral to adapt to. Diedre a RN could not get the nurses aid job she applied for because they said she was over qualified.  Then there is Shanon & Chelsea and Chelsea is 12 years old with stomach ulcers worried about money and how her mother will pay her medical bills since her mom worked, but had no insurance and made too much money to qualify for medicaid. Most of these people have been laid off from big corporations and went to work at 3 minimum wage jobs just trying to make ends meet. 

It is so sad when you see people just trying to get a leg up and every time they get up there is something else to bring them back down. I had talked of "Corporate America" the other day when I was speaking of my moms job in banking working in mergers and acquisitions. My mom actually worked on bank mergers and was very good at it. When my mom started she had a CPA but in today's world one would have to have a MBA, because it is a whole new ball game and the players are different. My mom never had to witness buyouts "Thank God" 

     


The Families


TJ &Tara -After TJ gets laid off from his job, he and his wife Tara struggle to provide for their three children on her minimum wage income.  Forced to choose between paying their mortgage or electricity bill, the family recalls what it is like to have no lights and no heat in the middle of winter.  






John & Geral – 50-year-old John is now facing a third year of unemployment and despairs that he’ll soon lose his ranch, Growing discouraged with his fruitless job hunt, John must also cope with feelings of shame when he is forced to apply for food stamps in order to feed himself and his 10-year-old son Geral, who has Downs Syndrome.






Brandon & Pam – With Brandon frustrated by a series of close calls on the job front, Pam is forced to go with her two young sons to a women’s shelter to get assistance with basic provisions. Unable to pay rent, the family moves into Pam’s mother’s two-bedroom apartment. 






Diedre & Jalean– Though college-educated RN, Diedre was laid off from her job along with 1500 other employees during the Recession, and has turned to donating plasma and selling scrap metal to make ends meet for her family of five. 










Ben & Paula – After working at the credit branch of a car company, Ben was laid off and quickly fell behind on the mortgage to the distress of his wife and kids. As the family copes with the trauma of losing their home to foreclosure, they also find themselves struggling to pay for basics.







Shanon & Chelsea– A single mother, Shanon got into debt because her 12-year-old daughter suffers from a stomach condition requiring hospitalization, causing her to miss 3 months of work.  Hit with expensive medical bills that her insurance company will not cover, Shanon is now struggling to pay the rent.







Mike & Heather – Mike, Heather and their three children are left without water, electricity or heat, and have turned to a generous neighbor to run an extension cord from his garage. Completely demoralized, Mike finds he can’t even afford gas to go and look for a job.








Jeannette and Gunner – When Jeannette’s husband died recently, she and her 11-year-old son Gunner were left to fend for themselves. Unable to keep their home, they slept in a garage and in their car before ending up in a shelter. 





Expectations: I’m not quite sure how to take this one. My expectations are pretty high for like everyone else, I know stories from my own community of the hardships people have endured over the past few years. Can this documentary show me something different that I haven’t already heard? But, why should I doubt that it shouldn't be able to offer something different. First, it comes to me via HBO and their top-notch documentaries rarely totally disappoint. Plus, my first person perspective is from a small rural community and not even from a mid-sized city let alone a major city like Portland Oregon. I suspect I am going to see how really bad it is out there.


We're at a crossroads as a country. We are either going to decide that we need a strong middle class and a viable safety net, or we are going to continue the trend towards rising poverty, shrinking wages, cutting budgets and services, a disappearing middle class, and the democratization of all those who find themselves in need of social services.  GET INVOLVED and help American Winter impact communities across the country and at all levels of government.  Together we can galvanize a movement for positive change!




Sunday, March 31, 2013

Our Easter



I awoke early and went to Easter mass with Blake which was a sunrise service. Although I am not Catholic I must admit it was a rewarding experience. I actually have a problem going to church on Christmas and Easter if I have not been to the regular services. (I feel bad :(  After services we went to IHOP for breakfast. After we ate Blake was ready to go home to go back to sleep before our 2pm Easter brunch. 

  As soon as Blake dropped me off I worked out in my home gym, showered, and then sit down and checked my facebook and blogger pages.I started getting ready to go to to brunch. I then  finished up my dishes I prepared to take to our friends house and then started to get ready for "Easter Brunch" with friends and colleagues . 

The weather has actually been dreadful and raining so the kids had to hunt for eggs inside. They seemed so disappointed that they had to hunt for eggs inside, Then I remembered the few times when it rained when I was a child and I had to hurt eggs inside with my cousins and friends, and I was bound and determined I was going to make a "Easter Hunt Adventure" for these children. Everyone looked at me as if I was crazy and what was the point these kids had everything and one Easter Egg hunt would not kill them. I could only recruit Blake for help to hide the eggs. First I took a donation of all the adults pocket money and the plastic prize eggs were filled with mostly 20 dollar bills, there were 10's and 5's and even change. There were 14 children ranging from 6 months old to 12 years old. Blake and I gathered all the eggs including the boiled eggs and started to hide them down stairs so no one would get hurt on the stairs. When we counted the boiled eggs there was 108 we had 72 plastic eggs, but only filled some with candy and the surprises that was bought to go into the plastic eggs. We had 182.58 in cash and after filling and hiding the eggs. "Let the Hunt Began"

Blake and I took charge as we already had making a fun day for the children. I had a 6 and a 18 month old while Blake had a 2 and 3 year old helping them find eggs before all the big kids found all the eggs. Everything went great and all the eggs were found which is a must (no sticking eggs a week later and the occupants wondering where's that smell coming from? The kids all had so much fun and enjoyed all the eggs and surprises the Easter Bunny left for them. 

With all the work that the 2 Easter Bunnies did they realized on the way home that they had taken no pictures of the event. So please anyone who took pics please tag pics to our pages thanks. 

We were tired by the time we made it to my place, so we cut on the TV to chill and there was a heart breaking documentary on HBO titled "American Winter" and that will be my next blog. With our church service, all the good food we had to eat today I want to give a special prayer for those who had nothing today. I want to thank God for the TV being on a Chanel and American Winter just starting. I hope that everyone who has HBO will take the time to watch it. 






Saturday, March 30, 2013

Treasured Feelings




You changed my world with a blink of an eye 
That is something that I can not deny 
You put my soul from worst to best 
That is why I treasure you my dearest Marites
You just don't know what you have done for me 
You even pushed me to the best that I can be 
You really are an angel sent from above 
To take care of me and shower with love

When I'm with you I will not cry even a single a tear 
And your touch have chased away all of my fear 
You have given me a life that I could live worthwhile 
It is even better every time you smile

It so magical those things you've made 
To bring back my faith that almost fade 
Now my life is a dream come true 
It all began when I was loved by you


Now I have found what I am looking for 
It's you and your love and nothing more 
Co'z you have given me this feeling of contentment 
In my life something I've not felt in a very long time
I wish I could talk 'til the end of day 
But now I'm running out of things to say 
So I'll end by the line you already know 
"I LOVE YOU" more than what I could show.



Friday, March 29, 2013

Happy Birthday Mama




Happy Birthday Mama I love and miss you so very much. Not a day goes by that I do not think of you. 

You are now gone, but never forgotten. There is no way I could ever be who I am today without you and your impact on my life. I have made mistakes at times, but they were never enough for you to stop loving me. Everyone says what a good girl I am and what a great daughter I was to you for taking care of you while you were sick, buy it was you that cared for me while I was a baby and I just returned the favor. That is the cycle of life you have children and care for them and in the end when you become sick or old and feeble the kids take care of you. Well that is how I see it, so I never did anything that you didn't do for me or that my children someday would not do for me or I should hope. I regret nothing of the 10 months I took off to care for you I was blessed to be able to be there everyday as you finally left this world better than how you found it, and put your mark on this world. I know it is there I can see it each time I look in the mirror. 



I think we look a lot alike, I love this picture and the story behind it



This was you wedding day and in this picture you were looking at the pearls daddy bought for you to wear I have heard this story a thousand times as you waited in one of the "Sunday School Rooms" of paw-paw's church. You had to wait 45 minutes for daddy to arrive and you were nervous that he had got cold feet and left you at the alter, but daddy woke up late from his bachelor party the night before and was rushing everyone. He made it mama and although he had false he loved you until the day you died and so did I






Mama you are everything I want to be in a woman. You rode your own bike when there were not many bikers. You never took any BS off of a man, but was kind and considerate to those you loved, you loved your bike, animals, mudding, 4-wheeling, hunting, fishing and you always stood up for your friends and family. But, though it all you were a eloquent lady, you were beautiful, sexy at parties and yes men turned there heads, but you could dress in leather or camo and look just as pretty. You mama were a true "Southern Belle"


I pray that you are looking down on us today and can feel the love coming your way.

To the best mom ever I love you. 

.