Is It Love Or Lust?

Poets and authors have tried to define love for centuries, whereas scientists have only recently started. Many of us know intuitively that love is a major purpose for living; that connection is inherent in all that we do, and without love, we cannot survive as a species.

But what is love, and how do we know when we're in it? First, let's start off with what love isn't.

What Is Love? It Definitely Isn't...

Manipulation. "If you loved me, then you would..." isn't love, but rather infatuation.

Compromising who you are. If someone asks you to do or say something that isn't in your nature, that isn't true love. Although love does involve compromises between partners, someone who is in love with you will never ask you to change who you are in order to be loved.

Violent. Passions can definitely become inflamed with someone you love, but a relationship with physical or emotional violence isn't true love

Question: What is Dating Violence?

Answer:

Dating violence is described by Health Canada (1995) as, "...any intentional sexual, physical or psychological attack on one partner by the other in a dating relationship".

Choking, slapping, hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, threatening with a weapon, confinement and hair pulling all constitute physical abuse, whereas sexual abuse takes place when one person has been forced to have sex or perform sexual acts or attempting to have sex or perform sexual acts with someone under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

Emotional dating violence is somewhat more challenging to define as there are no physical manifestations (i.e. bruises) when emotional abuse occurs. Some types of emotional abuse include insulting, swearing, terrorizing, uttering threats, destroying property, forcing isolation, or being extremely jealous or possessive to the point of where it negatively affects the other person involved in the relationship.

Just lust. Yes, chemistry and physical attraction are important, but true love also includes commitment, trust and respect. 

Me Without You

Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide

To hide, I can only retreat inside

Inside, I watch myself be strong

Strong, although I know its wrong

Wrong, because I'm not at fault. 

At fault, at fault, who is to blame? 

It's only salt -- 

♥

Salt to our invisible wounds. 

Wounds that sprung up overnight.

Overnight, they metastasize without the light

The light that shines at morning sun

Sun that never rises in our hearts -- 

What's done is done.

♥

Done and gone, tick-tock, our time is gone. 

Good-bye, good-bye, my weary heart wants rest. 

Rest will not come until I pass the test. 

The test, it looms in impatient waiting

Waiting for my spine to quit fading. 

♥

Fading, fading, fading fast

Fast, it's gone. This cannot last. 

Last is final; final is through.

Through, we're through. It's me without you.

♥ A Haunted Heart ♥

Why these tears never end

Spilling from wounds of deep

Fragments of heart to never mend

Abandoned to forever weep

♥

Why did yesterday now faraway

Leave its images vivid in mind

Remorse ...regret ceaseless portray

Dreams of heart that only blind

♥

Reliving moments past now constant

Try to forget and move on

Entangled within forever haunted

Awaken to discover all that is gone

The One

While I may be a very stubborn realist at heart, instead of scoffing at the usual cliché saying about how there's always 'The One' person for you, me and everyone else in this world, I choose to firmly believe in it.

I mean, it'd be a sadistic sort of personal satisfaction if I could prove it otherwise, but there's just too many living examples floating about in huge happy bubbles right in front of my eyes for me to not acknowledge the truth in that statement. My way of perceiving it, however, evolved as I get older, and also after going through a few heartfelt experiences that, hmmm, hit really close to home..?

The One was initially what I'd like to think of as someone who already co-exists with me in this world, and it is only a matter of whether I'd have the chance to be able to someday, somewhere, find him and live happily ever after woohoo! *throws confetti*

Ahem, that was very cliché.

On the other hand, how I actually perceive things in current times is a different concept that's skews slightly closer to my kind of reality, with more complicated mechanics, unfortunately.

The One that I believe in now, doesn't necessarily already exist in this world for you to coincidentally stumble upon on a fine, sunny day; he or she will eventually exist through the intense confirmation and commitment towards the relationship that you have with them, and the magnitude of effort that you're willing to put in to make things work until the very end.

They come into existence because you truly, and wholeheartedly want them to be, and nothing else that is otherwise.

In My Future

One day, with a warm cuppa green tea in one hand, I would look back at the remnants of my youth and tell myself that there was a reason for everything that had happened, and everything that didn't.

How many times have you thought that each occurrence in life is a separate entity on its own, completely having no relations to one another, only to eventually realize that the case might be otherwise?

Most often, a single decision you make has the potential to influence the consequential paths after. One thing leads to another, manifesting a snowball of effects and before you know it, you are caught within the momentum of events that you are unable to take control of.

What and where I am today, are a result of these effects.

Many a time, I question the reasons for the series of events that occur in my life - whether it was due to my split second decisions; whether they are right, whether they are likely to reap the best of outcomes. Obviously, not all things always goes my way, hence the enigma of how some things dictate their own course, with the capability to suddenly spiral out of your range of control.

When that particular day comes, when I (hopefully) achieve the stage where I am able to reminisce, I would probably think that through it all, I've had my fair share of wrong decisions made at the wrong times, regrettable actions or things that could have been, bitterness, words left unsaid, ties formed and bonds broken, all the works that each human cycle would likely take you through.

But, then again, whatever the reasons, I think I could say that through it all, I was happy enough.

Finishing Things 10 Tips

Everyone says I am creative, yet I never finish many things I start. It is a bad habit of mine to start another project before I though with one what I have already started. This became clear to me when I was showing my friend John a quilt I have been working on for 5 years for my daddy. I know I have excuses a plenty, I was sick, I had no time as a resident, work etc. Yet, I need to finish something before I start something else.Plain and simple. I was so proud of my work on the quilt the love I put into each stitch, but explaining how long it has taken me and the fact that it is not padded really put me to shame.This is someone I really look up to and his opinions matter to me, yet I was showing one of my human flaws not finishing what I started. So I have went out and purchased the padding and I hope to start on it soon to have it ready for daddy for Christmas.

Do you have a habit of starting projects, but not finishing them?

It might be the new business you want to start but you’re still writing through the business plan. It might be the album which you want to launch but you’re still composing the songs. It might be the book which you want to finish writing but you’re still stuck in the early chapters.

If you have been taking action and working on your goals, that’s a big achievement and you should be proud of yourself! Getting started is your first step to realizing your goals.

However, if you have a habit of starting many new things but not finishing them, that’s something to look into. Many people get stuck in the thinking but not doing phase, and that’s not good because your goals won’t magically get completed without you taking action.

Completing a project successfully takes proper planning and conscious action. If you have ever embarked on a project, you’d know that every goal/project comes with its own set of challenges which are not visible when you first start.

Personally, I embark on many projects in the course of running my business and pursuing my personal goals, and I have a good body of experience on how to successfully take projects from start to completion. Here are my 10 best tips on how to finish the projects you have started:

1. Be selective in what you embark on

When you start on a project (especially if it’s a big scale one), be sure that this is something you are passionate about and you want to see through. Personally I don’t start something unless I’m absolutely sure that I’m interested in it.

I have embarked on things which I was half-interested in in the past, for example learning tennis or learning Japanese. Eventually I stopped them mid-way. This resulted in waste of time and resources which could have been better utilized elsewhere. Because of that, I’m more conscious of how I utilize my time and energy today. If you set a high threshold on what you want to do, the completion rate is also higher.

If you aren't sure that this is something you really want to do, you can dip your feet into the pool first – try it out on a small scale and see if it’s what you’re interested in. For example, if you’re interested in starting a business, read up on it first. If you’re keen to be a writer, try a personal writing project (NaNoWriMo is a good place to start) or getting some freelance work. Another way is to sit on it for a few weeks. If you keep thinking about it every day for weeks, then you should probably give it a go-ahead.

2. Estimate the resources you need

In companies they do resource planning, where they estimate how much resources is needed for a project. After which, they plan out the manpower and investment accordingly. For us, that means doing a quick plan on how much time and effort this idea will take, so we can have a bird’s eye view.

It doesn't have to be exhaustive. Just a quick outline will help. The point is to have something that guides you.

For example Live a Better Life in 30 Days Program is a sizable project which took me about 6 good weeks to complete. When I first started working on it, my first step wasn't to dive in and write as many words as I could. That’s sort of like running a marathon by dashing right at the start. It’s not going to work and it’s just going to burn you out before you even get anywhere!

Rather, I created a simple, skeletal outline of the key tasks of the project, which were (1) Create outline of the book (2) Put together the raw content (3) Collate pictures, select quotes, etc (4) Evaluate and Rewrite the materials (5) Cover and interior book design (6) Creating the sales page and graphics (7) Tidy up all the details (8) Marketing (9) Final launch preparation.

With the raw outline done, then I broke it down into smaller tasks by each section, starting with the first – creating the outline. I then moved to the other sections. Having this skeletal outline gives me a bird’s eye view on what needs to be done, so I can prepare myself accordingly. This then brings to the next point in resource planning.

3. Budget your time and energy accordingly

After you create your outline, you should have a realistic idea of how much time and effort is needed to complete it. Plan out your time and resources accordingly and integrate them into your schedule/to-do list. Block out time in your calendar for the project. Give yourself some buffer as well, in case of contingencies.

A big reason for loss of enthusiasm or energy is when people underestimate the amount of work needed to bring the goal to life. I remember last year, I started on a book project which never saw the light of the day. I dove straight in without any plan, thinking that if I kept writing for one to two weeks, it would eventually be finished. I spent countless days and nights just writing, but it never got anywhere after months. In the end, I was getting new ideas on new things to do, and it was time to move on to other projects.

Looking back, the biggest reasons why it was never completed was because (a) I underestimated the work required (b) I was being too hung up about unimportant details (see #4 on perfectionism). That led to unnecessary rewriting, which prevented me from moving forward. To this day the book still sits in my computer. I might get to it in the future, but not now as I've many things which I’m more interested to work on.

Good planning of resources help you plan out your energy and expectations. You know you have to put in X hours and X work to get the final output, so you’ll manage yourself appropriately to achieve your desired outcome. That’ll lead to a higher project success rate.

4. Quit being a perfectionist

How many of us keep delaying work because we want to get it just right? I’m all for perfectionism and getting the best output, but if your desire for perfectionism is preventing you from getting things done, I think it’s good to challenge it. If you’re stalled at a stage of the project and you keep revising it again and again, park it for a later stage and move on to a new part. Return to it later on and see it with fresh eyes. You might notice that what you were hung up about really isn't that big of a deal. Also, constantly referring to your outline (step #2) is also helpful in getting perspective. Your objective is to finish the project, so keep your eyes on the prize.

If your perfectionism is preventing you from even getting started, try these two tips: First, break the task into many little steps, then focus on one part at the time. If you still put it off after breaking it down, then break it down even further into mini pieces. Soon, you’ll be left with such a simple task that you’ll be wondering what was keeping you from doing it from before! The second tip is to give yourself the permission to do a draft version. Meaning, there’s no need to get it done right the first time. Just creating a draft, even if it’s a crappy one, is better than if you didn't do anything at all. Get started and things will roll on from there.

5. Commit to it

Once you start, commit to it. Whatever you have planned, do them. Give yourself the option to exit a project if it’s really not in line with your vision (see #9), but otherwise hold yourself to your word.

Last month I was overseas in Hong Kong for a conference and a business meeting. While I was there, my friends asked me if I wanted to go sightseeing during the weekday evenings and weekends. I rejected the offer because I was working on the 30DLBL program and it was falling behind my personal timeline. I knew if I were to go out for the week, the book would never be completed on time, because (a) there was a lot of work to be done and (b) I had other projects lined up after 30DLBL. I wouldn't feel happy at all while I was out because I wasn’t being true to myself. Finishing the book was about my commitment to myself and also to my readers out there who would truly benefit from it. Sightseeing was something I could always do in a separate time – it was not big of a deal.

Likewise for you, ask yourself what’s more important to you – Going out to party for the weekend or to work on that business you’ve been meaning to set-up? The former might bring you some temporal gratification, but the latter is what truly gives you satisfaction. The rewards you get from doing the latter are rewards which you’ll continue to reap long afterwards.

6. Connect with your end vision

You might have experienced this. Whenever you begin on a new project, you’re full of energy and enthusiasm. Then when you get into the thick of things, this energy fades away, bit by bit. You’re still excited about the overall project, but you’re not so hyped about the nitty gritty tasks that come as part of the work. After all, it’s the beautiful house that you seek at the end, not all the brick laying and cementing work.

But all the brick laying and cementing work IS part of what makes that beautiful house in the end. Every little bit you’re doing now counts toward realizing that end vision. It’s just easy to lose sight of that because you’re caught up in the daily micro-tasks that keep coming, one after another.

The problem here is your end vision is slipping away from you, so just bring it back in sight (both physically and mentally). Surround yourself with anything that’s reminds you of your end goal, such as your vision board, pictures of others who have achieved the same goal, objects that represent the goal, etc. For example, one of my clients has a goal to get a Cadillac one day, so he bought a small toy Cadillac model from Walmart which he puts in front of his desk. In front of my work desk is my life map, an inspiring quote of the moment and pictures of my top goals, and these continuously remind me of my end vision, in a conscious and subconscious manner. That’s environmental reinforcement at work and it’s very effective because it’s effortless on your part.

Creating a mock-up of what you’re doing (where applicable) is extremely helpful too. When I was working on 30DLBL program in word processor in the past, I would regularly export it into a pdf and scan through it. This small action reinvigorates me, since the pdf mock-up draws the immediate link between how what I’m doing now contributes to the end output. If you’re working on a blog/website, then preview the site as it’d look to the readers. If you’re working on a computer program, then run it and test it as a user.

7. Follow the path of highest enjoyment

I found one of the easiest and most effortless ways to complete my projects is to be flexible in my project management approach. In Steps #2 and #3, I mentioned creating an outline of what needs to be done, section by section, step by step. Now, most people will finish the tasks in sequential order. Task 1 comes first, followed by Task 2, then Task 3, etc. Sounds straight forward and easy, doesn't it?

I did this for a long time until I realized it wasn't the most effective method. For example, some days I would feel like doing Task 3, but if I follow the project timeline, I had to do Task 1 before I could get to Task 2 then 3. The thought of having to do 1 and 2 first was a downer. This would slow down the project… eventually reaching a halt because it stopped being fun. Working on the goal felt like a hollow activity.

On the other hand, when I give myself flexibility over what to do (while maintaining within the confines of the project), working on the project becomes like a big adventure. For example for 30DLBL program, I created the sales page and the cover design before I started on the book, even though these were the later tasks in the outline. Because I was inspired to work on them, the output came readily. The cover design was finished in the same evening, while a good portion of the sales page was finished in that same session. It was extremely fun the whole time I was working on it and it felt effortless. Subsequently, after finishing them, I then picked the next task I wanted to work on, then proceeded from there.

This approach makes me feel like I’m in a candy store and I get to pick whatever candy I want. It excites me because there’s an element of choice. I also give myself freedom to drop a particular task, move to another one, and come back when I feel like working on it again. Essentially, as long as I’m working on the goal, I’m progressing. So, it doesn't matter whether there’s something that’s not completed – it’s just temporary. And because I’m excited about it, ideas flow readily and I work faster too.

I refer to this as the path of highest enjoyment – doing what makes you feel happiest at the moment. When you do so, you automatically become productive in your work. Try this out and see how it works for you.

Here’s a related post I wrote in 2009 on how I feel self discipline is overrated: Self Discipline is Overrated

8. Track your progress

Tracking your progress helps you understand how you’re doing and gives you a target to reach. This makes it easier to keep up with your momentum. Create a project sheet that records your targets and your current status. Specify key performance indicators (KPIs) that you want to achieve. If your goal is to lose weight, your KPIs will invariably be your weight, your fat percentage, and perhaps your performance during your exercise sessions (example – the distance covered in 30 minutes, how many weights you lifted, and the like). If your goal is to start a business, your KPIs may be your weekly customers, revenue and net income.

Every week, review your progress. What % of your end goal have you achieved? Is it on track against your target? Why or why not? What are the key things to do next? What is your target for the next week? Tracking makes you accountable to your goal and helps you to stay on track.

9. Celebrate what you've done so far

Sometimes we get discouraged with all the things that need to be done. It seems like no matter how much time we spend, it’s impossible to finish it. The amount of work overwhelms us and we opt out halfway.

Here’s the thing – Everything you've done so far IS an accomplishment! Many of us tend to emphasize on the last finishing task as the most important task, but really, all that you've done and what you’re doing now contributes toward the final product. So celebrate it. Give yourself a huge pat on the back and a big bear hug. Celebrate the process, the resting, the doing, the completion, everything. Take the opportunity to recharge and regroup. When you’re ready, continue on to with what you’re doing. You’re really doing a fantastic job.

10. Don’t force it if it’s really not working out

Sometimes, it just happens that you lose interest in the goal. It happens, and it’s normal. We change, our interests change, and we get new ideas and inspiration the whole time. Some people may feel it’s a waste of their efforts if they do something and don’t complete it, so they push themselves to go on.

Personally, I think it depends on the situation. I think whatever efforts you've put into the situation is already a sunk cost, and it shouldn't factor into your decision of whether to continue doing it or not. The things that should influence your decision are (1) the benefits you will reap (2) the costs involved (future time, effort, resources that are needed). If it’s really not working out for you, then I recommend you drop it and move on to the next thing. Spending more time (and energy) on it is just a big waste. Considering you have no desire to do it anymore, you’re expending a lot of energy just to overcome that resistance! Think of it as dragging a car up a hill. For all that energy you spend battling your resistance, you can already use it constructively on something else.

It might seem like a big waste dropping all that’s done, but it’s not big of a deal. You are creatively capable of achieving a lot more than you realize. What you've done so far is just a small speck of what you can achieve. Trying to hold on to what you've done just prevents more goodness from coming your way.

I adopt the drop-and-go approach a lot with my work. For the 400 over articles you see here, there are actually about 100 half-written articles that have not seen the light of the day (yet). Some of them are 10% complete, some 30% complete, and some about half done. When I started out, I would make sure that I finish every article I start. Subsequently, it led to a lot of wasted time and effort in rewriting (and rewriting, and rewriting) whenever I tried to complete an article which I had lost inspiration for. On the other hand, when I follow my inspiration, the work is just effortless. (point #7)

You might ask: Wouldn't all the work that went into writing the posts (halfway) go to waste? Not at all. They all add to my 10,000 hours of experience. I learn from writing them, and this learning will come in handy for my future posts.

Give yourself the permission to drop what you’re doing if it’s not working out, and you might just find many new things coming your way straight after that. Read: Quitting To Win

Of course, don’t just start dropping every single thing you’re doing now just because you lose interest. It’s a benefits vs. costs equation. If it’s almost done (99% completion), and the benefits from pushing through that final 1% far outweigh the costs, then go ahead and get it done. It’s a judgment call that you make from weighing out the benefits and costs.

Apply the Tips

Review the 10 tips above – How can you apply these tips in the project you’re currently working on? Write down your answers and start acting on them.

Bookmark this guide because it’ll come in handy in the future. When you’re starting on a new project, use this list as a guide. If you feel burnt out mid-way, apply the tips and it’ll help you to swing forward.

If you found this guide helpful, do share it via Twitter and like it on Facebook. Let’s share it to those who can benefit from it.

ASL INTRODUCTION

There's a time in your life when ASL means: Age, Sex, Location... (a sort of "Hi!" on the IRCs :)

But then you grow up, settle down and engage in OO programming practices that will override some of your initial methods. In our case, that's ASL which nowadays means: American Signing Language.

You might throw away those Baby Einstein DVDs, even if a few of them are quite interesting (i.e. "Meet the Orchestra"), but Signing Time is a keeper :-)

Plus, they're introducing this year the Sign of the Week: free flashcards for you to download (and print at home), short teaching videos for each sign. Thank You Rachel & co !!

The story behind the Signing Time program is moving, but most important are the results. Still, it makes you stop and wonder why the signing language is not standardized (worldwide) and the ones who need it most face another communication barrier. Yeah, the world we live in is (still) a jungle...

The Mayonnaise Jar

The Mayonnaise Jar 

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and two cups of ...coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and fills it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. 

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. 

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. 

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "YES". 

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. 

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, family,

children, health, friends, and favorite passions. Things, that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else -- the small stuff." he said.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are

important to you..." he told them.

"So... pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Worship with your family. Play with your children. Take your partner out to dinner. Spend time with good friends. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the dripping tap. Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. 

The professor smiled and said, "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Young Love Last Forever Series Pt. 3

As I promised my readers and myself I would share Jason and my love stories as a healing process, but I have thoroughly enjoyed reading each one. Especially, the notes passed in school when we were real young. Young love does happen and cannot be dismissed as it sometimes is by parents. I am so glad that my parents and the Taylor's gave our love a chance, but we were both told it was a phase and wouldn't last. No Jason and I were not just let go to experience the love we felt, but we were under constant supervision. It was okay by us since sex was not a issue then, just being together ans spending time with each other.

In this letter it is near the holiday's and we both want to be together which caused a few problems for us.

Amber, I just don't know what to do Thanksgiving is coming up and I want to spend it with you, but my parents say no. I wanted to tell you on the phone last night and night before, but I didn't want to mess nothing up. All we have are the times we can be together which aint enough for me and or calls or letters and sometimes a email. I wanted to call you last night again but it was too late. My parents just get on my nerves. I know I love you and you love me, but they call it puppy love says it a pass. See we suppose to go to my grandma's for Thanksgiving but I would rather come to your house. Your parents are so cool and understand us more I think. I have thought about running away from home it has gotten so bad and when they say I don't love you it makes me so mad. I love my parents and they are usually cool except for this.

I LOVE YOU AMBER NICOLE WILSON!  For me you are the only girl alive. For me you make the world go around. Without you the world would fall off its axles and we would all plummet to our death. When we have been together there is always somebody there and I want to kiss you so bad, but I don't know it I am a good kisser or you would like it? I will only kiss you if you want to and I don't want to kiss you in front of no body ok? Let me know if you ever want to kiss me and we will find a way to make it happen. I think your lips would taste sweet like bubble gum. Have you ever thought about kissing me?

This Thanksgiving thing will you have your mom call my mom and try and work something out? I need to see you and after all the holidays is about spending them with the people you love and I love you.

I Love You
Jason

(now present) I remember that Jason's mom said no and we were very discouraged. But, I remember that Jason's grandmother fell down the steps on the way out to the grocery store 3 days before Thanksgiving and broke her hip. I don't remember what all was wrong with her but it was more than a broke hip since I remember they put her in the ICU in the second day. Jason's grandmother was as tough as they came, but she did not take care of herself. She was always taking care of others bless her heart. Yes, she is still alive and well and living Conyers Ga. But, I remember that Jason's mom said that he could come and stay with us since his grandmother was in the hospital. Jason actually got to stay at my house, sit at my table and eat Thanksgiving dinner among other meals. We actually had our first kiss hiding under the stairs, but believe me we had separate rooms and eyes were on us at all times. I remember that my mom drove us to the hospital and took food out to the house and Jason and we took it all in and put it up so the entire family could eat later. I remember my mom made a turkey just for their family. Everything started going well after that between our families. I remember we spent Christmas between both places that year and nothing kept us apart again ever. Well until he died.

Letting Go Although It Is Hard...

I cannot Hear This Song and Not Think Of You Jason...

I know life is over for us as we knew it. I know that you are gone from me forever, never to return. No it is not fair, but I have stopped questioning God about it. I know it was not his fault, my fault but just a freak accident. I know just because you died that night and that I love you that I do not have to die with you. For you see that is what I have done my love. I died a little more each day that I had to spend on this earth without you. I have said that I have searched for a love other than you, but in reality I just didn't want to be alone. But, as we both know that cannot work, and it is not fair to the person I am with as long as I am in love with you. 

I must admit since reading your love letters to me, it has helped me to heal. I am no longer out on that dark desolate road alone searching for you, but remembering us in the good times. We were so good together, we could finish each others sentences, and everyday was a good day as long as you were near. We read the paper to each other on Sunday's and it was my turn to read to you next. In fact that very next morning. That morning that never came or will never come again. We showered together and you washed my back and I washed yours. You loved to shave my legs and had even washed my hair in a basin. I can still feel the water that you pour upon my hair, massaging ever so gently. We were so hands on together and not just in a sexual way, but a sensual one. Something I have never known before or after. 

I am still letting go my love, yet I love the way you loved me. I am smiling at you today Jason and I just know you are smiling back. 

I don't want to fall asleep, cause I'd miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing...

Falling in Love

Falling in love maybe one of the greatest feelings ever. There is an actual chemical process that happens to a person who is falling in love. All of the senses have a greater intensity. Colors

seem brighter, sounds more resonant and smells more powerful when
you are in love. When you are with your lover there is no greater feeling in the world, and when you're not you spend all your time thinking of each other. Falling in love is truly an awesome feeling.


Whenever I'm around you,
I feel like life's complete.
I don't know what to say,
But you make my heart beat.

I'm scared to say hello,
But it hurts to say good-bye.
Whenever I'm around you,
I feel like life's complete.
I don't know what to say,
But you make my heart beat.

Why is it when I look in your eyes,I see the love burning inside me.
why is it when you hug me,
the world melts with us.

I'm not scared to love you.

I'm okay when your around.
You've given my heart a soundtrack.
I happen to like the sound.

To you I might just be a little girl,
but give me the one chance.
I could show you a whole new world.
So take my hand and let me lead this dance.
Sometimes I wonder how I feel about you,

Scared of these feelings because it’s still new
I catch myself thinking of the best way to share,
Hoping you’ll return my confession showing you

10 ways to become an optimist

While some people are born optimists, it is possible to change your mindset to start thinking more positively whatever your natural inclination. Positive thinking brings with it a whole host of benefits including improved well-being, lowered stress levels, better relationships and improved quality of life.


Create some positive mantras

While many of us believe our happiness – or lack thereof – is based on external things, we’re often the ones holding ourselves back. Many of us go through our days feeding ourselves negative messages we may not even be aware of, convincing ourselves we’re “not good enough”, “not clever enough” or “not attractive enough”. To start thinking more positively, you need to change these messages. Try to look out for negative thoughts that pop into your head and replace them with positive messages. Write down these positive mantras and repeat them on a daily basis.

Focus on your success

Most of us are happy to acknowledge other people’s successes and accomplishments; however, when it comes to our own, we frequently play them down or ignore them entirely. To start thinking more positively about yourself, you need to regularly remind yourself of what you have – and can – achieve. Stop listening to your inner critic, reflect on your past achievements, and start to really appreciate your success and what you have to offer.


Get a role model

If you want to become an optimist, it can help to find yourself a positive role model. Whether it is a colleague, close friend or even a celebrity, think of the most unflappable, cheerful person you can. For the next few weeks, do an experiment and try to take a walk in their shoes. Whenever negativity starts creeping in or you find yourself in a difficult situation, think: “what would (insert name of chosen optimist) do?” Answer honestly, then try to follow suit.


Focus on the positives

It’s important to remember that it isn't events themselves that make us unhappy, it is our interpretation and reaction to them, and while you can’t always change events, you can change your response. When negative situations occur, try to re frame them by focusing on the positives or what you can learn from the situation. Maybe you have gained inner strength and resilience, grown closer to a friend through sharing your heartbreak or learned something about yourself. Try your best to focus on what you have learned and gained from your experience rather on than what you have lost.


Don’t try to predict the future

When things don’t go right in life, optimists tend to view each incident as an isolated event, while pessimists often look out for patterns of bad luck and think “if it happened once, it’ll happen again”. However, it is important not to try to predict the future based on what has happened before. Remember that a plan or relationship failing doesn't make you a failure and just because something disappointing has happened once (or more) it doesn't mean it will happen again.


Surround yourself with Positivity

Spending time with negative people who continually see the bad in every situation is a sure-fire way to ensure you continue to feel negative too. To help you stay feeling optimistic, you need to surround yourself with positive people who help you to appreciate the good in situations and in life in general. This also applies to other influence in your life such as music, literature and movies – surround yourself with positive influences and see the effect it has on your state of mind.


Keep a gratitude diary
When something negative happens, it never fails to escape our attention. The alarm clock doesn’t go off, your toast burns, your car doesn't start... and you are in a foul mood for the rest of the day. However, how often do you stop and notice all those times your alarm clock did go off, your toast didn’t burn or your car did start? To change your focus and thinking, make a conscious effort to start reflecting on all the things that go right and that you have to be happy about by keeping a gratitude journal each morning or night, listing all the things you have to be grateful for that day.


Challenge negative thoughts
Often our negative thoughts are based on little more than our own fears, doubts and low self-esteem. To help you overcome them, you need to constantly challenge your negative thoughts. Next time you start to feel negative, write down what your feelings are then write down your arguments for and against these thoughts. Ask yourself what’s the evidence that these thoughts are true? What’s the evidence that they are not? You could even try purposely acting the opposite of how you feel and seeing what happens. You may find that your negative predictions don’t come true after all.


Focus on the solution rather than the problem
Pessimists tend to focus on problems while optimists look for solutions. While it is tempting to dwell on your problems or disappointments, remember that this will not change your situation. The situation may not feel great and it may not seem fair, but what has happened has happened, whether you like it or not. Rather than reflecting on what could have been, let go of regrets and negative thoughts, get proactive and start planning where you can go from here.


Fake it
Optimism isn't something that comes naturally to all of us, and you may find that it takes time to change your mindset. In the meantime, try putting the action before the feeling and faking a more positive outlook. Studies have found that it is possible to trick yourself into feeling happier by going through the physical motions. So, rather than going with your natural instinct, try smiling and laughing more and speaking in a more positive tone. Acting the way you want to feel will help you on your way to becoming an optimist.

How to change your life in a day

While many instantly life-changing experiences – such as meeting the love of your life or winning the lottery – may seem like a symptom of fate and not something we can control, there are many things you can do in a day to help change the course of your life forever.


Discover your passion
Fed up of drifting through your days with a lack of purpose and sense of fulfillment? Jazz up your routine by taking some time to consider what it is that would make you feel happy and fulfilled. What makes you want to get out of bed in the morning? What makes you feel really alive? Think about the activities that have made you feel this way – even if you have to reflect back to things you haven’t done since you were child – and make a plan to incorporate these into your life.

Take a first step
As stated by the Lao Tzu, a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. No matter how overwhelming your ambitions may seem, you will never achieve anything unless you take that first step and get started. Whether you want to write a novel, run a marathon or learn a new language, make today a day to remember by making it the day you start pursuing your dream.


Sign up
Due to lack of time, energy or motivation, we often end up putting off our dreams and goals for “another day” which may never actually arrive. To help boost your motivation, make a commitment to doing something life-changing today, such as signing up for voluntary work abroad, entering a challenging fitness event or even signing up to an online dating site. By signing up and committing yourself in writing you will feel more obliged to go through with your plans.


Chat to someone new
Our relationships and the people we surround ourselves with have a huge impact on our happiness and quality of life. Therefore, it is important to take every opportunity you can to expand your circle of friends and make room for someone new. Whether they could be your new best friend, introduce you to the love of your life or become a great new career contact, you never know the impact someone could have on your life. Make today a potentially life-changing day by making time to chat to someone new – be it a colleague you have never spoken to or that friendly girl in your yoga class.


Make a decision
If you’ve been putting off a big decision for a while, make today the day you take control of your future and decide. Give yourself a deadline of the end of the day and spend some time seriously pondering your choices. Consider the implications of each outcome, weigh up the pros and cons and seek a second opinion to help you make the right decision. Then, once your deadline is up, go with your gut instinct and start planning for the path you have chosen.


Clear out the clutter
Our lives tend to be filled with clutter, both of the metaphorical and literal variety. To help make room for the positive new things in your life, try clearing out the junk that’s weighing you down. Firstly, have a spring clean of your home and get rid of all the stuff you no longer need.  Not only will this give you space for more useful things, but it can also boost your mental health. Secondly, think about all the happiness drains in your life you may need to think about getting rid of – such as unhappy relationships or an unfulfilling job. Thirdly, try decluttering your mind by starting to let go of all the negative emotions you may be harboring.


Change your mindset
To give your mind that essential spring clean, you need to make a conscious decision to let go of negative emotions such as anger or regret or any grudges you have been holding on to. It’s not easy but it’s important to remember that holding on to these will not change the past; it will only ruin your present. Maybe consider talking to a counsellor if you think this is something you will struggle with. Also, make a decision that from today onwards you will start to adopt a more positive outlook. Try creating a “happiness diary” to help you, where you jot down the positive things that have occurred each day, no matter how little they may be.


Break a bad habit
While it will take more than one day to break a bad habit, often getting started is the most difficult thing. If you’ve been promising yourself that you’re going to ditch a bad habit for a while, make today the day you take the plunge. Set yourself a specific and measurable goal and write down how you can achieve it, breaking it down into small steps. Next, think about telling somebody about your goal. Sharing your intentions can make them seem more ‘real’ and make you more motivated to see them through.


Write it down
Once you have decided on your plan of action for changing your life and made your first steps to achieving this change, it is important to write it down. Having vague plans in your head is all well and good, but getting it down on paper will help to give you a clear plan to follow and help you feel like you are already on the way to achieving something. Write down what you have down today, what you can build on going forwards and how you can ultimately bring about the life you want.


Learn to enjoy being you
One of the biggest mistakes we too often make is relying on external things to make us happy, which means putting our happiness in the hands of fate or other people. Make a life-changing decision today to take control of your happiness by learning to be happy with who you are, regardless of the situations you are in. Make a list of all the good qualities you have to offer and all the reasons you are completely loveable, then keep this list somewhere handy to look at every time you need a boost.

How to Lose Her in One Week

Once you overcome a few nerves, getting past the first date hurdle isn't too hard – it's maintaining a constant attraction and moving into the relationship zone afterwards that many guys find that they start to lose the girl. What are you doing wrong?

Be predictable

If you really like someone, chances are you've set the bar really high to impress them in the first few dates: You've gone to romantic dinner places, came up with mysterious date ideas, and acted like the kind of guy every girl wants: the creative and unpredictable romantic.

The problem with that schtick, however, is that you're acting like the guy every girl wants. Sooner or later, the act's going to get blown and you'll soon revert to the standard-fare dinner-movie date ideas. So while you may be interested in her, she, however, will take the back-peddling to “regular” dates as a sign that you're uninterested and giving up the chase.

Solution: Don't go all out to impress her all the time – as we've said before, it's not your job to entertain her by playing the role of her ideal date. There's nothing wrong with the regular date – if she likes you, enjoying your company should be what matters – as long as you mix it up occasionally with something special once every two or three dates.

Call or text her all the time

No one likes to be a pest; the guy or girl who constantly bugs their date for attention, and gets insulted when there's no reply. A person who does that says two things about themselves: (1) They're insecure about themselves and need constant validation that someone likes them; and (2) they can't respect a person's time and space.

The bottom line is this: if she likes you, she'll text back soon. And if she doesn't pick up the phone? Don't call again and again as if you're having a heart attack – leave her a polite text about what you wanted to say.

Solution: If she doesn't reply to your messages immediately a few times, it doesn't mean she's brushing you off. But, if she does it most of the time, and her answers are curt and non-committal, chances are she's not interested. And so what? Pick yourself up again and move on. Remember: Attraction's a two-way street, and you won't change her mind by pestering her.

Don't take charge

“I'll do anything you want to, dear” is the last thing you'd want to say to a girl. It speaks of an indecisive character. Be proactive; make suggestions about where to go or what to do, and nudge her if she's undecided about something out of her comfort zone. This isn't to say that your decisions are final and not up to negotiation – that's just being inconsiderate and chauvinistic.

Solution: Always take the initiative to ask her out, plan the night out, and when the time comes, know when to make the first move. If you want to lose her within a week, be passive and do nothing.

Second guess what she feels

It's normal in wanting to have a sense of control over the relationship. You want to be the guy who anticipates what she feels, knows what to say at the right time, is so connected to her that you can finish her sentence before she does.

The truth is, there's nothing more annoying than a guy who wants to get into her head and anticipate her thoughts before she can speak them. These wants may be well-intentioned, but carry on and she'll soon be pleading for some “space”, with a break up inevitable.

Solution: Don't try too hard, son. There are some thoughts that women choose to reveal to other people besides you. Don't pester her with constant questions of “What are you feeling/thinking right now?”. More importantly, don't assume the reasons for her annoyed emotions and tell her your theory. You'll always be wrong.

Playing too hard to get

You may think waiting a week or two before sending a text will make her want you more, but by that point any girl will have moved on to the next guy that comes along. Screw playing games here: make your move or else she’ll make hers—on someone else.

Solution: After a date, just send a text message saying that you had a nice time, and look forward to the next time when you meet again. That way, the ball's in her court, and it's up to her to make the next move.

Crazy About Her? Send Her the Right Signals

You can be straight up but where’s the fun in that? Be sure you send out the right signals...
Be yourself. Nothing is sexier than a man who’s comfortable in his own skin, be it a wild child or a nerd.
Treat service staff with respect. How you treat them is a sneak preview into your attitude towards other people, especially her. She’ll be paying attention. She always does.
Switch off the phone or put it on silent and put it away. Make sure she’s the object of your attention for the entire night, not your shiny new smartphone.

10 ways to know you're no longer in love

Attracted to other people
Checking out a cute waiter or having the odd secret daydream about a beautiful celeb is perfectly normal and feeling attracted to someone in this way is not a sign that you are no longer in love. Yet if you start to feel strongly attracted to someone ‘real’ in your life, like a colleague, for example, or a friend, then this may be a sign you need to break up with your partner.

Your life is too full
When you first began dating your partner do you remember how you used to rush home from work just so you could be together? In a long-term relationship you can’t expect to want to spend as much time with your partner as you used to do when you first began dating, but if recently you've been filling up your days and your nights and your partner is not a part of your plans, it might be a sign you’re no longer in love.


You can’t forgive them
Sadly most relationships are marked by upset and most healthy relationships also involve a certain amount of forgiveness too. If you are struggling to forgive your partner for something that previously you would have been able to get over, you should ask yourself why. Can you not forgive them because you don’t love them?


You go clammy over commitment
Your relationship should always be moving forward and although you might have felt comfortable moving in together a few months ago, how do you feel now? Does the next step – whether that involves meeting their parents or having a baby – freak you out? If you begin to go clammy over your partner’s questions about commitment it might mean you no longer want to be in your relationship and you need to talk through these feelings with your boyfriend or girlfriend.


You don’t want to help them do their accounts
When you love someone you want to do anything for them and will offer your help and support when they need it. One sign that shows you might have lost that loving feeling is if you no longer want to give them that help and when they ask for your advice or assistance you resent them for needing you.


You look for fights
Some days, when you are in a stinking mood, fights can erupt easily and are a natural part of life. Yet if you are constantly looking for fights and blow up normally insignificant annoyances, making them into a big deal, it might be because you secretly want to break up with the person you are seeing. The next time a fight breaks out think about why you are so upset and whether the blame you are dishing out is deserved.


You don’t want to have sex
Love is very physical and although it’s perfectly normal for your sex life to not be as wild or as passionate as it was in those early days, sex should still be a significant part of your relationship. If you have lost the urge to have sex with your partner it may be because you haven’t done it in a while. If you are comfortable doing so, try to make sex a priority for a few weeks and if you still don’t want to get intimate with your partner after that period it might indicate that you’re no longer in love.


You’re not in sync
Body language experts believe that it is possible to tell when couples are no longer in love with each other by the way they move and interact when together. For example, if the man goes to hold the hand of his girlfriend and as he does so his girlfriend brushes her hair from her face with the hand he went to hold, it reveals an underlying discordance between the couple and shows they are no longer in sync.
If you find that there are lots of instances where your actions clash and your body language is awkward when together, it could be a sign you've lost your connection and you are no longer in love.


You’re holding out for better
Although you’re relatively happy in your relationship if you secretly think that there is someone better out there for you then chances are you are not in love.  Believing that someone else is more suited to you or hoping that this is not The One clearly shows you that you are no longer in love with your partner and it might be time to face the situation head on and think about breaking up.


You doubt your feelings
In the movies when teenagers aren't certain whether they are in love or not, some wise owl tends to tell them that: ‘You’ll just know when you are’. Similarly, if you doubt your feelings and are having to ask yourself whether you’re no longer in love with your partner, then the chances are you’re not in love – you should just know.
Remember though that love is never continuous and there will be some days when you feel bowled over by the strength of your feelings towards your partner and other days when you don’t feel that strongly at all.

Signs you've found ‘The One’

How to tell if you are in love
In life, there are certain things you are 100 per cent certain of. For example, you know that you can’t stand that creep from finance and that, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t pull off the Dougie in a club. Yet annoyingly, there are other things in this world that we can’t be sure of and, as luck has it, they are often the really important things in life; like knowing if you have found ‘The One’.
#1. You have that post-exercise look : After sweating it out at the gym or flinging your limbs about in a Zumba class most of us are left with a red face, a beating heart and clammy hands. Interestingly, studies have found that we experience similar physical reactions when we are in love. So, if you want to know if you've found ‘The One’ pull out a mirror and have a good hard look at yourself; do you have that post-exercise look?
#2. You've developed mild OCD : A group of Italian scientists conducted a study in 1990 that found that people who had fallen in love showed symptoms of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). So if you find yourself becoming a little more obsessive about certain things that normally would not bother you, it might be a sign that you are head over heels in-love.
#3. You've turned into a vampire : For all of the Twilight fans amongst you, we’re sure you’ll be thrilled to hear that when you are in love you take on a few vampire-like traits. Scientists believe that people who have recently been bitten by the ‘love bug’ lose their appetites and may need less sleep than normal. These changes are thought to be instigated by chemicals and hormones within the brain.
#4. You can talk about that drunken night out : With your previous boyfriends or girlfriends, how did you resolve past issues? Did you scream and shout at one another and feel as if your views were never heard? Did you bottle everything up and pretend that your ex’s actions never hurt you? If you can see a significant shift in the way you both deal with issues in your current relationship and you feel like you can both communicate any problems you face then it’s a strong sign that you are right for one another.
#5. Your mum approves : You may not think that your mum or dad’s opinion counts for much when it comes to the love of your life, but if your family or your friends hate the person you are dating it’s a sign they are not right for you. Your family and friends will only want what is best for you and therefore, if they don’t like your new partner, chances are they’re bad news.
#6. You’re over your ex : In the past, you may have always had a few lingering feelings towards your ex. Yet now, your new relationship has made your ex seem insignificant and your old relationship has been truly superseded by this new guy or girl. Feeling as if you are completely over your ex is another clear sign that you've found ‘The One’.

5 easy ways to make your relationship stronger

Make your relationship better by addressing old issues : Fights, jealousy and previous misdemeanors upset our little bubble of romance and can make relationships a tricky minefield. If you find yourself constantly arguing over the same issues, or blowing up in anger over the smallest of triggers, it may be because you and your partner have not addressed some old issues. Next time this happens, try to stay calm and work out why you have reacted in this way. If you recognize that you are angry about something that has happened in the past it is time to be brave and sit down with your partner to discuss it. Try not to accuse them. Instead talk through the problem, being as clear as possible about the way you feel. Try to look them in the eyes, as this helps build trust and intimacy. Once you've talked through your feelings attempt to work out a solution together. Although it may take a long time to heal this unresolved issue, if you feel you cannot forgive the person, it may be time to walk away. These issues will only continue to repeat themselves.                                                                                                                                                                                         Make your relationship better by taking time out :Between going to work, keeping fit and doing chores, it can be difficult to find the time to spend some decent time with your partner. In the UK alone, a typical childless couple only spends an average of two and a half hours a day with their partner, and of that time nearly an entire hour is spent watching TV. If that sounds familiar it’s time to make some changes. Firstly, have a TV ban and take your partner on some dates. If you’re struggling for ideas, pretend that you are going on your first few dates. Where would you take a guy or girl to impress them; a romantic hillside spot for a picnic or a trendy bar to see a new band? Choose locations that allow you both to talk to one another and ideally that are new to you both. Sharing new experiences will help reinvigorate your love life and will bring you both closer together. Remember, these dates are all about fun, so enjoy it.                    Make your relationship better by changing gender : The opposite sex can seem like a different species. Men and women have different habits, ideals and needs. Therefore it’s no surprise that we often find it difficult to get along with each other. The key to a good relationship is to understand that we are not alike. We will not always share the same attitudes or perspectives. So, the next time your guy tells you that you are overreacting, or your girl tells you that you don’t care, listen to them. Instead of exploding with rage at their idiocy, ask them why they think that and actually take what they say on board. You then need to explain, clearly and calmly, why you think otherwise. This is not to say that you should use their gender as an excuse when they treat you badly. However, trying to get into one another’s mindset and understanding why your partner acts in a certain way may help you overcome many nasty obstacles and end a lot of fights.                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Make your relationship better by getting more sex : Sex can be a chore. After a long day at work do we really want someone getting hot and sweaty on us? We could have another 20 minutes in bed! Yet, the more we do it the more we want it. So at times, although it sounds very unromantic, it can be best to just power through and do it a few times a week. Once you've combated your reluctance, you’ll reap all of the benefits. Not only are there zillions of health perks to having regular sex, your relationship will also benefit. This is because when we have sex the love drug, oxytocin, is released, which makes us build up a strong bond with the guy or girl we’re in bed with. It also promotes trust and makes us feel more generous towards one another. The best way to get more sex is to make sure you and your partner consider it to be a priority. Also try to find a time that suits you. If you get too tired to have sex before bed, try to do it in the morning or when you first get home.                                                                                                                                              Make your relationship better by spending time apart : Okay, we know that we are at risk of contradicting ourselves, but relationships are all about balance. So although you need to make sure you spend quality time together, it’s also not healthy to live in a two person love nest constantly.  Not only will your partner’s every move start to irritate you beyond belief, but boredom may begin to creep into your relationship. Having your own interests, social scene and hobbies will help keep you stimulated, balanced and healthy, and these qualities will inevitably also pass on into your relationship too. The trick to spending time apart is to agree with your partner how much “time off” you want to give each other. Once agreed, find something that excites you. This may be a holiday with friends, a charity challenge or training for a new event, like a 10k or marathon. Choose something that helps you develop as an individual as this will help you feel more independent and more interesting within yourself and your relationship.