The One

While I may be a very stubborn realist at heart, instead of scoffing at the usual cliché saying about how there's always 'The One' person for you, me and everyone else in this world, I choose to firmly believe in it.

I mean, it'd be a sadistic sort of personal satisfaction if I could prove it otherwise, but there's just too many living examples floating about in huge happy bubbles right in front of my eyes for me to not acknowledge the truth in that statement. My way of perceiving it, however, evolved as I get older, and also after going through a few heartfelt experiences that, hmmm, hit really close to home..?

The One was initially what I'd like to think of as someone who already co-exists with me in this world, and it is only a matter of whether I'd have the chance to be able to someday, somewhere, find him and live happily ever after woohoo! *throws confetti*

Ahem, that was very cliché.

On the other hand, how I actually perceive things in current times is a different concept that's skews slightly closer to my kind of reality, with more complicated mechanics, unfortunately.

The One that I believe in now, doesn't necessarily already exist in this world for you to coincidentally stumble upon on a fine, sunny day; he or she will eventually exist through the intense confirmation and commitment towards the relationship that you have with them, and the magnitude of effort that you're willing to put in to make things work until the very end.

They come into existence because you truly, and wholeheartedly want them to be, and nothing else that is otherwise.

Young Love Last Forever Series 4

Thanks Mike and Craig for suggesting writing blogs of Jason's love letters to me I certainly find reading them and writing them helpful. I find that I am drifting off to sleep faster and not tormented by all the ghost that have haunted me for years. Do I still think of Jason ? Yes, but only good things for now. Which has been a God send.

Here I found a letter from Jason he was 14...

Dearest Amber,
You are the reason I want to get out of bed in the morning. You are the reason I don't mind going to school. You are the reason I want to go to college, because I never would without you. But, you inspire me to be the best I can at all things including at love. I would not know what love is without you. To have someone to love me and to inspire me means the world to me.You don't nag, you don't demand, you just suggest and show me options I never thought would ever be possible for me. Like with Engineering you never even suggested it, but got me that assessment test that gave me a list of things I could actually be if I wanted when I grew up. I want to take engineering to witness something come from nothing but hard work.  I think I am picking  Mechanical Engineering. I want you and my parents to be proud of me, but I want to be proud of myself too.
With you I am everything, but without you I am nothing. Sometimes I feel like you are the very air that I breathe and I want to kiss you or hold you so bad. I know there is time for everything else, but it drive me so crazy sometimes. But, I do want us both to be virgins when we get married. I do want to marry you Amber Nicole Wilson and I will someday you can bet your bottom dollar I will. Well enough about the sexy stuff or I will have to walk out of the library backwards, sorry I didn't meant to say that to you but you know that much about how I feel about you.

I was just sitting here in the library thinking about you, but I got my books now and need to start learning something if I am going to be that engineer and buy us that nice house in the uppity part of Atlanta.

I love you Amber with all my heart, soul and body 4-ever your ever
Jason

10 questions you should ask the person you’re dating

If you were going for a job interview you would have a huge list of questions to ask the company, so why would you not prepare some questions for your date?


Are you a saver or a spender?
Although we all like to think money doesn't matter when it comes to love, if you’re going to get serious with your date you need to know if they are a saver or a spender and understand how their attitude to money corresponds to your habits.
How to ask this question: To subtly ask this question ask your date where they went away this year. If the location seems to be within their means when you consider their job then your date is probably good with cash.

Are you seeing anyone else?
Establishing where you stand and what kind of relationship you are in is really important if you don’t want to end up hurt or hurting your date. Find out what they think your relationship is to avoid unnecessary confusion.
How to ask this question: There is no subtle way of asking this question and it is best to simply ask it directly. Prepare another topic of conversation though in case the situation becomes awkward once you have asked.


The list
Once you've been dating for a little while and you think you could get serious with your date it’s time to write down the names of every person you have dated or slept with. You might think nothing is worth this humiliation, but finding out three months into a relationship that your boyfriend slept with your sister and never called her back is not a fate anyone should have to suffer.
How to ask this question: Watching a film where a couple write a list of people they dated is a great way to introduce the idea and will help you to ask this question.


Do you have children?
You would be surprised by the amount of people who don’t ask whether their date has kids and by how many parents struggle to tell their date that they have children when not asked.
How to ask this question: If you want to ask this question you could talk about one of your friends or relatives who have kids and then after telling a funny anecdote about their children casually ask your date if they have children.


Why did you break up?
Why past relationships in your date’s life broke down can reveal a great deal about your date. Not only can you judge their values from past break ups, you can also begin to understand any insecurities they may have inherited as a result of their ex. Remember though, their explanation for a break up is just one side of the story.
How to ask this question:  Avoid talking about exes on your first few dates, but after you've gone out together four or five times then you could begin to talk about your own ex and how you broke up. Once you've finished you can then ask about your current date’s past break ups.


Religion and politics
Religion and politics are very sensitive topics and in part they are sensitive because they are important to people. Knowing how your views about the world correspond will help you understand one another better and help you judge whether you have a future together.
How to ask this question: To ask directly what someone’s religious and political views are can be seen as being blunt and it can sometimes be best to ask questions about your date’s life and their opinions on current affairs, which in turn will reflect their religious and political views.


Can I meet your friends?
This is a very telling question and you need to watch your date’s reaction closely if you want to understand how they feel about you. If they seem really keen for you to meet their friends then it’s a sign they really like you, but if your date seems a little hesitant perhaps they’re not quite ready for that level of commitment yet.
How to ask this question:  Wait for your date to talk about one of their friends or what they got up to at the weekend before asking whether you could meet their friends soon. This will make the question seem less planned and it will seem more natural.


Marriage
If you've got your heart set on tying the knot or if you can’t see yourself ever wanting to get married then it’s best to share your opinion on weddings as early as possible. Although the connection you feel is important, for a relationship to work your plans for the future have to compliment each others, so be honest and share your thoughts about marriage.
How to ask this question: Chances are if you’re thinking about weddings then so are your friends. If someone you know gets engaged or actually has their wedding whilst you are dating use this opportunity to bring up the topic of marriage.


Pets
It seems like the silliest of things when you begin dating but if your date is a big dog lover and you can’t stand animals then this may cause a big problem five years down the line.
How to ask this question: Ask your date if they have any pets. If they don’t then ask them why; they may be pet-less because of their circumstances and not because they don’t desperately want animals.


Hobbies
When they are single, people tend to fill their lives up with friends, volunteering, hobbies and work. Yet once you start to date someone seriously you need them to give up some of their activities in order to give your relationship the time and attention it needs to succeed. Some people struggle to do this though and it can cause a lot of heartache.
How to ask this question: Ask your date what the most important things in their life are and try to gauge whether their sports team is always going to be number one in their life.

Every Girl's Perfect Date

#12 Punctuality matters!
Timing is important. Don't show up early at her door -- but you never want to keep her waiting. If she lives with roommates, expect to make small talk. This is key, consider it a test, one you can't afford to fail.


#11 Dress the part
We know, you're just a casual dude and you're not into dressing up. Great, now remember you want to be a casual dude with a gf, not your single casual dude self. You're not going out for a beer with your buddy, you're trying to impress a girl. Try.


#10 Pick it up
Do pick up the check -- Most girls are still pretty traditional and prefer that a guy show some classic dating manners like picking up the check for dinner, even if she offers to help.


#9 Learn more
Ask questions that keep the conversation going in a meaningful way. Figure out what she likes and what she's interested in -- you may discover that you two have a lot more in common than you presumed. Show her you're interested in her.


#8 Introduce her
When you're out on a date, sometimes you'll run into people you know. It's important to remember to introduce your date within the first minute that you start chatting with your friend/co-worker/classmate/acquaintance. Don't introduce her as "my friend" and your attentiveness will make it a happy evening for her.


#7 Location, location, location!
Location is key and we can't be more emphatic about this aspect of the date! If you live in the city, it's important that you pick a place close enough to walk her home at the end of the evening. If you are driving, make sure you pick a place where finding parking isn't a problem. If she seems hesitant to go to your first suggested location, suggest another.


#6 No pressure
The worst thing for a girl on a date is pressure, everyone moves at a different pace and the key is making your date feel comfortable.


#5 Pay attention
Go beyond the generic, "You look great" date opening remark. When a guy notices a thoughtful detail about a girl -- a dimple, pretty eyes, great smile -- and compliments her for it, it's smooth sailing towards a perfect date.


#4 Open doors
This is an age-old one that all guys are taught but many seem to forget these days: open the door for your lady! She'll remember the moment you stepped outside your car to open the door for her -- despite your car's one-button unlock function. Small details of chivalry make the evening a perfect 10 for a girl.


#3 Walking the walk
Guys, don't forget that the date doesn't end when she gets out of your car! Take the time to walk her to her door, showing her not only your good manners, but also that you care whether she gets home safely. Plus, she may just invite you in!


#2 Fresh breath
Whether it's pre or post dinner, a guy's got to have fresh breath if he wants to leave a lasting impression.


#1 Kiss me
If everything else goes well, then a kiss is on the list! Gentlemen, don't hesitate if she doesn't kiss you back right away -- she's just as nervous! Whether it's just a gentle peck or a romantic lip-lock, the kiss is important in ensuring a date is perfect at the end of the night.

12 Signs Your Crush Would Be a Good Boyfriend

1. HE’S THE SILENT PARTNER

Let me fill you in on a little secret, from someone who has been there; there are usually two types of guys in each group… the smooth operators and the silent partners. Trust me, 9 out of 10 times, the silent partner makes the better boyfriend. The smooth operator is usually the ringer (i.e. the guy who gets all the girls with his smooth talk and rambunctious personality), and while they might seem like they’re more fun, they are also total players for the most part. Let’s face it, they’re great at flirting and are likely that way with every girl they meet. The silent partner, on the other hand, usually waits for his friend to bring the girls in, decides if he is interested, and takes his time in asking you out. He’s more reserved and probably doesn't date as much, but when he finds the right girl, his personality warms up and he usually isn't interested in dating around, making him an ideal candidate for a relationship.


2. HE GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SEE YOU

One of the most obvious signs your crush would make a good boyfriend is his willingness to meet you on your turf. Anyone can stop by your place when he is in the area, but a real indication that it will grow into a lasting relationship is whether or not he goes the extra mile (literally). Admittedly, this isn't always easy to do, especially if your crush lives far away or they have a demanding work schedule, but at the end of the day, relationships are based on a mutual desire to be together, and there will always be challenges to keep you apart. If he’s not able to overcome those bumps in the road from the get-go, there’s a good chance he won’t ever be.


3. HE MAKES AN EFFORT WITH YOUR FRIENDS

Okay, he is crazy about you, but can he handle your gal pals? Let’s face it, if you’re going to be in a relationship with this person, he really needs to be able to at least get along with your friends. Oftentimes, good guys can find it difficult to be uber sociable around a group of girls, so don’t fret if he isn't Mr. Sociable when he is the only dude. Instead of throwing your crush in the lions den to see how he does, organize a little outing with a mixed group of guys and girls so he doesn't feel so awkward, then see how he does.


4. HE’S KEEN ON MEETING YOUR PARENTS

Guys are not going to put themselves through the ringer (i.e. your dad’s crushing handshake that let’s your crush know he means business) if they’re not serious about dating you. One of the easiest ways to tell if your guy is going to make a good boyfriend is whether or not he wants to meet your parents or not. It’s best to wait a few dates before subjecting him to an entire evening with the folks, but if he’s showing signs of disinterest in meeting them after more than 5 or 6 dates, kick him to the curb. Blood is thicker than water, you don’t want to waste your time with someone who isn't going to be cool with the family.


5. HE ENCOURAGES YOUR DREAMS AND AMBITIONS

You’re good at what you do and know what you want out of life, and that might not always be reflected in what you’re current occupation, salary or job title. Dating someone who is not only understanding of that, but believes in what you are trying to accomplish can be a large factor in whether you make it as a couple or not. A man who encourages and even challenges you is better than gold, hang on to him! On the other hand, if he is condescending--even just to the point of making little jabs or jokes-- about your dreams now, it’s unlikely he will ever be supportive towards your drive in the future.


6. HE’S NOT SHY ABOUT PUBLIC AFFECTION

A great way to tell if your crush would make a good boyfriend is his body language toward you when you’re out in public. No, I’m not referring to him trying to hook up with you in a movie theater. Does he grab for your hand while you’re walking, or perhaps wrap his arm around you while you’re waiting in line at a restaurant? If so, it’s his way of telling you that he is proud to be seen with you, and probably interested in a long-term relationship with you.


7. HE’S A GENTLEMAN AROUND YOU, EVEN IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS

Guys really know how to turn on the charm when they want something, but very few are going to keep up that front when they are around their own group of friends. How your crush treats you when he’s around his buddies is a great indicator of how he’s going to act when the front comes down. If he’s a bit shy about kissing you or holding your hand, it’s not a totally done deal, he might just be a little more reserved about PDA – which is not necessarily a bad thing. But if he turns into a complete douche canoe, it’s time to move on!


8. HE DOESN'T PLAY GAMES

As much as we loved playing Candy land, Twister, and Pretty Pretty Princess when we were younger (okay, we still like them), no one is interested in playing games with someone they actually like. When you first start dating someone, you may want to test the waters and see how you feel about them as much as they do, but if after 4 or 5 dates they are still playing Hide-and-Seek with you, it’s clear they aren't that interested. If your crush always calls when he says he is going to, doesn't cancel dates with you (unless it’s an emergency of course), and always arranges the next time you will see each other, he will definitely keep that up in a relationship. And, let’s be honest, every girl wants a boyfriend she can depend on.


9. HE SURPRISES YOU WITH GIFTS

It’s great when you meet someone showers you with Tiffany’s, but even better when your crush finds sentimental ways to let you know he is thinking of you. Maybe he knows you have an affinity for Pez and surprises you with a dispenser, or leaves you little notes in your locker. This kind of thoughtfulness is one of the best indications that he would make a great boyfriend. Note: don’t judge too much on what the gift is, it’s less about what they bring and more about the fact that he is thinking of you on a regular basis.


10. HE'S OUTSIDE OF HIS COMFORT ZONE FOR YOU

A family member once told me that the way she knew her now husband was going to make a great boyfriend was the fact that he went ice-skating with her. Doesn't sound all that fantastic, until you imagine him falling all over the place while she whisked on by like Kristy Yamaguchi. If your crush is willing to do an activity with you that is completely outside of his comfort zone, it’s a good sign he cares more about making you happy than being comfortable himself, a fantastic quality to make a relationship last.


11. HE’S GENUINE AND MODEST

No one is perfect, I’ll take a guy who is real any day over someone who is all about looking good on paper. If your crush underplays the thoughtful things he does, it’s usually a good sign that this is his usual behavior, which is a great attribute to have in a boyfriend. If he makes a big deal about what he does for you, it’s likely that even he recognizes that this is abnormal behavior and it will likely stop the moment you are in the relationship.


12. HE’S A GOOD FRIEND TO OTHERS

How your crush treats his friends can be a great example of how loyal he would be as a boyfriend. If you already have an established friendship with your crush, pay attention to how he treats your friendship… is he a shoulder to cry on when you need it? Do you enjoy just hanging out with him when you have no makeup on with your hair in a messy ponytail? These are all things that you will likely want in a relationship down the road, so if you’re crush is already a stellar friend, he will likely make a great boyfriend!

There are several signs to watch for when you start dating someone to see if they’d make a good boyfriend. While he may not have all of the them covered, the more of these qualities your crush has, the more likely he is to not just become your boyfriend, but to make a good boyfriend… one that you’ll want to keep around for awhile. Have a stellar boyfriend already? What signals did he give early on to let you know he would make a good bf?

Chivalry isn't dead....and, I like it!

Chivalry is the traditional code of conduct associated with medieval knighthood.  Over time its meaning has been refined to emphasize ideals such as, knightly virtues, honor and courtly love, and less about.....back up....courtly, that's the definition I'm looking for....Being a gentleman never goes out of style.  Now, you can’t fault a guy for abstaining from chivalry altogether. This stuff is confusing.  IKES!  These days, a lot of men, perhaps even you, fall short.  However, if you make chivalry a part of your life, good things will surely follow

1. Open the door for her.  

2. Even the car door; sure she can open her own door once you hit the clicker, but I guarantee she'll notice when you open the car door for her. 

3.Pull the chair out for her (not from under her) when you take her out to dinner.  

4.Gently push in the chair so that she can sit down.  

5.Don't shove the chair in, unless she's in need of the Heimlich maneuver. :-)  This will likely cause a strike against you.  

6.  Help her to put her coat on and off, ONLY if she's struggling with it.  Otherwise you risk coming off as "creepy dude".

7. Stand when she does.  If she rises to go to the restroom, etc. stand until she departs.  As soon as she returns stand again. 

"She might not notice if you don't do it.  She'll definitely notice if you do."

8. Be sure to feed her.  Even if our time together doesn't include food.  Bring her a snack.   :-)   Ladies, stop fooling the gents that all you eat is a salad.   Once you get him home, he'll be shocked to see you pick up the fridge and shake the contents into your open mouth!   

9. Take an interest in her safety.  (Don't creep her out by following her home.)  Sure she can get home on her own, but if you call or text her, your likely to get noticed.  If you have a car, at least offer to pick her up.  Don't take offense if she turns you down.   Always offer to walk, take a cab, or drive her home.  (If she let's you escort her home, walk her to the door.  But don't show any expectation of being invited in.)  You might get some browney points if you go to her neighborhood for the second or third date. 

10. Make her laugh...if she snorts, all the better!  {:8)

11. If you are having a good time, ask her out before the end of the night.  Honestly, why play games, you aren't getting any younger!

12.Speaking of dates.  Plan the first date.  Have a plan and a back up plan. 

13. Pay attention to what she's told you and try to take her in that direction.  If you know she loves flowers, the botanical gardens would be a great place to take her on a first date.

14. Listen as much as you speak.  It'll make for a nice date....even if there isn't a spark.

15. Put an arm around her or offering your coat if it's cold.  This is a natural way to touch her and you won't come across as "creepy dude". 

16. Watch her purse.  No you don't have to carry it while you walk through the mall.  But, don't freak out if she runs to the restroom and asks you to watch it.  

17. Letting her order first is cool.  Ordering for her, puts you in the category of "creepy dude"!

It's cool to offer her a bite of you food.  If you try to feed her the bite...."creepy dude"!

18. Offer to carry her packages.  She'll notice if you let her do the heavy lifting.

19.Walk on the outside, closest to the street, as high heels tend to get stuck in grates. 

Also,  she won’t risk being splashed by puddles as cars drive by and it removes her from the dangers of traffic. 

20. If it's raining hold the umbrella and/or go get the car, so she doesn't have to get wet.

 It's really nice for your to pay for the meal.  If she offers to chip in it's not because she doesn't like you, it's because she really wants to pay.  Plus, she likes spending time with you and doesn't want you to think she's taking advantage of getting a free meal. Ladies if you don't really want to pay.  Don't offer to, it's disingenuous and sets your relationship on a dishonest course.

.....let's get back to this one.....

If you're not generally attentive, she's going to think somethings up.  Review the above and do only what you are comfortable doing and what comes naturally.  They are some good tips to earn major points with your lady friend and it's all pretty simple to do.  

So you might be wondering what triggered this post.  #20 did. 

  Quite often my shoelaces become untied (like a 10 year old boy) and people are constantly pointing it out to me.  On one recent untying, a gentleman friend simply knelt and tied my lace.  Now that might not seem very chivalrous, but it was honest, natural and frankly I liked it!