Cyber Love: What is Real & What is Virtual?

The conventional bar scene of the 70s and 80s is no longer the accepted place to meet prospective dates. Lately, more and more singles are turning to the Internet for better dating opportunities. Talk show hype over cyberspace love encounters and the movie You've Got Mail have popularized the romantic potential of the Internet. The process of an online relationship, however, is very different from real time dating processes. The online environment is, by its very nature, restrictive. For new Internet users, the online culture shock can be daunting.Learning to communicate on the Internet is the first obstacle for newbies. Emoticons such as :-), LOL, and <G> are used liberally to express emotion, and can be like learning a foreign language. The rules are different online as well. There are protocols to follow in chat rooms; for example, to avoid accidentally offending others, sarcasm must be spelled out. Devoid of body language and intonation, the typed word is the only way to get the message across. Most novice Internet chat users first begin as "lurkers," content to quietly watch others interact. This way, the Internet culture is safely and quietly experienced before a user feels comfortable interacting within it. Another noticeable inconvenience, especially for women, is the seemingly endless number of chatters who want casual "cyber sex." This affront discourages many new chat users from returning, and also perpetuates the image of the Internet being "dirty." These cyber sex hound-offenders are attracted to the anonymity of the Internet. Where else can they act so rudely without getting caught? However, all novice chat users are mesmerized to some degree by the extreme anonymity and fantasy potential the Internet provides. Often, the user eventually realizes the sensitivity needed to interact with others – a transition is made from relating to the computer to relating to other people online. Often, this transition is coupled with an event that brings about this reality – such as "falling in love" with a fantasy and dealing with the reality that follows, meeting a chat partner face to face, or realizing that careless actions have hurt another person. Once this transition occurs, the chat user suffers a period of disillusionment, and then chooses to continue chat use – now wiser and kinder, or abandons Internet chat altogether. MIT sociology professor Sherry Turkle has extensively studied people’s relationships to computers. In her book, Life on the Screen, Turkle defines the aspects of the self as they relate to the new Internet culture. According to Turkle, "people are able to build a self by cycling through many selves" on the Internet (Turkle: 1995, p 178). This is a new phenomenon, and counters the psychoanalytic definition of identity as being forged early in life. By trying on various personas, Internet users are able to experiment with their own identity. This identity experimentation, however, is not without risks and complications. While experimentation can be a healthy exploration, it can also be damaging to self-esteem. Turkle describes cases where the Internet users feel more confident as "altered selves," losing confidence in their real identity (Turkle, 1995). Often, it is the state of the self-esteem at the beginning of the experimentation that determines whether the experience is positive or negative. For example, someone who suffers from depression, will likely realize a negative impact by experimenting with his or her identity online. Identity experimentation also complicates the Internet dating arena. Not all identity experimentation is intentional. Some Internet users involved in online romances describe their relationship in these terms: "I’m a different person when I’m with him [online]" or "I’m happy and confident when we are talking online. I’m not like that any other time." These feelings might be incorrectly attributed to the relationship’s success, when the reality is that behavior has been altered through subconscious self-exploration. Once these relationships move off line, they often wane, since the magic (and the altering of identity) cannot be maintained without the online illusion. Turkle describes two phases of Internet relationships.
In a first phase, [Internet] players feel the excitement of a rapidly deepening relationship and the sense that time itself is speeding up…In a second phase, players commonly try to take things from the virtual to the real and are usually disappointed (Turkle, 1995, 206).
The Internet encourages transference, a classical psychoanalytic behavior. Transference is traditionally defined as the client’s projection of feelings and wishes onto the analyst. The analyst becomes what the client imagined. On the Internet, interaction is limited to typed words. Tone, emotion, voice, appearance, and inferences are all imagined to help construct understanding. All too often, the image of the perfect mate is projected, and transferred. What appears to be the perfect soul mate is actually an illusion. To some degree, transference during online interaction cannot be avoided. After all, we are conditioned to rely on all our senses to interpret situations. When some of the input is missing, our mind fills in the blank. The key, however, is to recognize that this occurs.Another complication of Internet dating is the use of the Internet as an escape. The Internet can become a fantastic and unreal world. Online, we are who we say we are, if only for a few hours. This escape from reality, however, makes online dating more difficult. Trisha, a friend of a friend, ruined a potential relationship because fantasy caused her to be dishonest. Trisha met a man online, and the online relationship quickly blossomed into an intense, intimate encounter. She had lied in the beginning of the relationship by understating her own weight by 150 pounds. When he asked for her picture a week later, she worried about her lie, and sent a picture of a slimmer woman instead. In her mind, however, he would come to accept her physically once he fell in love with her soul. A few weeks passed, and the relationship intensified. He arranged to fly to meet her. She felt confident that her lie would be forgiven if she confessed in person. However, the woman he met was nothing physically that she had led him to imagine. He walked away angrily and refused to speak to her again. Distraught, Trisha blamed society’s focus on beauty, not willing to realize that she had betrayed him by misrepresenting herself. Jana, was hurt by a more intentional deception. For over a year, she was involved in an intense, intimate online romance with a man called ‘Chad.’ Stating that he was worried he would lose custody of his son if his ex-wife discovered his online addiction, he never disclosed his true identity. At first, this appeared normal. However, a few months into the relationship, they became exclusive, and Jana pushed to take the relationship offline. Still, ‘Chad’ would not agree to disclose his identity or agree to any phone calls, or real time meetings. And while he asked for pictures of her to be sent over the Internet, he refused to send her any pictures of himself. Online Jana made friends with a female buddy of Chad’s, and soon began divulging her concerns and insecurities to this female buddy. Fifteen months into her online love affair, she discovered that the man she was involved with was the same person as the female buddy. When caught, this "person" justified their behavior as a way to test Jana, and immediately disappeared altogether from the Internet. Jana, convinced that she been involved in a committed and honest relationship, suffered for months to come to terms with this betrayal. She never found out if ‘Chad’ was actually a man or a woman.
Relationship expert John Gray identifies the five stages of dating in his book Mars and Venus on a Date.
Stage one: attraction. In stage one of dating, we experience our initial attraction to a potential partner. The challenge in this first stage is to make sure you get the opportunity to express that attraction and get to know a potential partner. Stage two: uncertainty. In stage two, we experience a shift from feeling attraction to feeling uncertain that our partner is right for us. The challenge in this stage is to recognize this uncertainty as normal and not be swayed by it. […] Without an understanding of this stage, it is too easy for a man to drift from one partner to another and for a woman to make the mistake of pursuing a man more than he is pursuing her. Stage three: exclusivity. In stage three we feel a desire to date a person exclusively. We want the opportunity to give and receive love in a special relationship without competition. […] The danger in this stage is that we become too comfortable and stop doing the little things that make our partners feel special. Stage four: intimacy. In stage four we begin to experience real intimacy. We feel relaxed to let down our guard and share ourselves more deeply than before. Stage five: engagement. In stage five, with the certainty that we are with the person we want to marry, we become engaged. In this stage we have the opportunity to celebrate our love. (Gray: 1997, 4)
Each step must be realized for both parties in order to have a complete and fulfilling relationship.Applying Gray’s stages, we can identify a recurring problem with online relationships. There is a tendency for rapid movement from attraction (stage one) to intimacy (stage four), skipping the uncertainty and exclusivity stages almost entirely. Here is a common comment from online lovers: "We instantly connected somehow. I feel we've known each other forever. I feel I can talk to them about anything." The illusion is that there is a solid foundation for the intimacy of a relationship. The online lovers fear that slowing the pace of the relationship will ruin the magic. However, these relationships often end suddenly when one partner realizes disappointment. Amy, a friend of mine, was involved in an online romance for several months with Jed, a man who lived in another state. Their relationship included lengthy and intimate phone conversations. They genuinely cared for each other, and spent time supporting one another through difficult life decisions. From their perspectives, they shared an intimate and loving relationship. When she suddenly became ill and hospitalized, I relayed messages to him, until he was able to contact her in her hospital room. They soon began discussing the possibility of living together. Problems occurred when they met for the first time. My friend confided that the spark that they shared online no longer existed in real time. Once completely enthralled, they now easily annoyed each other. After sharing their feelings and troubles for three months, they became total strangers face-to-face. Realizing that they had crossed intimacy boundaries, it was uncomfortable to assume even a friendly relationship. In order to avoid such extreme disappointments, Internet relationships should be considered incomplete relationships. A person who desires to meet potential mates online must be prepared to meet off line as well. After all, humans are based in real world situations. It is impossible to experience the entirety of another individual through a screen and keyboard. Indeed, there are successes from online romances. I know of several couples that met online and are now happily married. These relationships require work, dedication, and reality, as do real time-originated relationships. Amy learned from her mistakes with Jed. Not too discouraged with the dating potential of the Internet, Amy took a new approach. She posted an Internet dating add on a bulletin board specializing in her metropolitan area. She screened the bounty of responses, and narrowed her search to a dozen prospects. After exchanging friendly but not-too-personal emails with these men, she progressed a few to brief phone calls. She was able to weed out many men with "questionable motives," and also able to recognize what personality attributes interested her most. Finally, a few weeks later, she arranged for casual lunch dates with the remaining three contenders. While none of these men turned out to be Mr. Right, she considered this approach very successful, safe, and fun. She’s currently posting her second ad. In order to succeed with Internet dating, an online romantic interest should be seen as a potential dating partner. Once it is established that there is a potential for a relationship, the focus should shift to meeting on the phone and then meeting in person. Try to limit yourself to people within your geographical area; otherwise, you will face the expense and complications of a long-distance relationship. Here are some other suggestions for successful online dating: Be safety and security conscious. Do not readily make available your name, address, phone and social security number online. Beware of "players." Not everyone on the Internet is honest and decent. Be cautious with your safety as well as your heart. To some people, an online romance is a game. Look for inconsistencies in what they say, or pressure for you to do something that you are uncomfortable with. Dishonest is not the same as anonymous. It is appropriate to remain anonymous online until you establish mutual trust. However, it is not right to be dishonest, especially regarding your marital status. Practice courtesy. Don’t think that the anonymity of the Internet allows you to be invasive. Demanding to know someone’s weight, age, or sexual secrets is as rude online as it is off line. Realize that what you see online isn't the whole picture. There are many characteristics that make up a person. Online typing does not afford the experience of a person’s temperament, work ethic, parenting skills, or bad breath. Keep everything in perspective and don’t fall in love too quickly with the person you've envisioned. Avoid intimate online conversations until later. The sense of anonymity frees individuals to speak more frankly than they would in person. However, a relationship should progress at a comfortable pace. If you confess all your inner secrets to your new online lover, you might later regret it during your first face-to-face encounter. Don’t make hasty commitments. "Love at first type" is romantic, but not always realistic. Take your time and do it right. Consider free online dating web sites. Most of these are divided into major cities or geographical areas, increasing the chance of finding the right person locally. Also, because there is more of an expectation to meet in real time, there are fewer lurkers. However, as with dating services, you must contend with candidates with less-than-noble motives. Always be aware. Make friends. You will certainly meet many people that aren’t right for you, but they are still interesting. The Internet is a great place to make friends. Meet early. Once you like someone online and they like you, progress to a real time meeting. Until you hit it off on all levels, keep your options open. When you meet in real time (RT), play it safe. Remember that you are meeting a stranger. Opt for public places, such as a restaurant. Or consider bringing along a friend.
The Internet has its share of love and heartache. With so many people using the Internet, chances are great that you will find your mate, provided you use common sense, a lot of patience, and a willingness to take a budding online relationship into the real world.

Being Human

In today's world it is just hard trying to be human. By being human I mean having respect for everyone although they do not conform to your beliefs and morals. They may be different, or have been born different. Thank God we are not all a like or we would be robots living in a world all possessing the same qualities and attributes. We wouldn't have a soul or a conscience in other words we would all be programmed to all look and think alike. Can you imagine how boring the world would be if this was so?

But, God made us in his image and he loves us all the same. He is a Father so he is not prejudice. He loved us so much that he took on flesh to come and show us the way to live. God shows mercy on us when people do not.

I know I watch news far too much, and I wonder about humanity now more than ever when there is so much violence, deceit, spitefulness and mother's killing there precious babies. I am disgusted with some inhabits of the world such as Casey Anthony and Jodi Arias for starters. Now we have little baby Elaianna missing and now hear that she was hurt and her mother didn't call 911 or take her to a doctor. These stories tear my heart out.

I am not perfect and yes I have flaws, but I love God I pray for everyone. I do not judge others, I am caring and compassionate towards my fellow man. I also put others before myself  at times and I worry about missing babies and justice for victims of violence and there families.

I think that being human is learning to love others as you do yourself.

Everyone Loves A Hypocrite

The dictionary defines a hypocrite as someone who "pretends to be better than he really is or to be pious, virtuous without really being so." A hypocrite is someone who says one thing and does the opposite.

One of the main reasons people have double standards is that they desire to have the best of both worlds. They go to church on Sundays and as soon as they walk out the door, they go back to living their "regular" lives.

"Do the right thing" doesn't mean to do that which best serves our lustful desires. A lack of respect for the seducing nature of sin has led many to live hypocritical lives. In our heart of hearts, we know fully well that something is morally wrong with our actions, but we do it anyway because it feels good or is convenient.

The people committing hypocritical acts normally try to use some form of rationalization to justify their actions. A man committing adultery may say that he is only breaking his wedding vows by having sex with prostitutes. The ultimate rationalization is the phrase, "I just couldn't help myself."

In the past few years, several high-profile public leaders have been caught in hypocrisy. The grievous nature of some people's moral blunders proves that no one is immune from stumbling from a lofty perch. I have listed below some examples.

Hypocrites' Hall of Shame

Jim Bakker - He was once the head of the now-defunct "Praise The Lord" network. In the late '80s, Bakker was found to have been carrying on a relationship with church secretary Jessica Hahn. He compounded the salacious nature of the affair by funneling her $265,000 in hush money. Another area in which Bakker was a hypocrite was his call for sacrifice on the part of donors to help reach the lost.

In his self-serving confessionI Was Wrong, he admitted using church funds to pay for luxury cars and his six mansions. Bakker and his wife, Tammy Faye, also came up with some truly inventive ways to squander ministry money. They once spent $100 on cinnamon buns just to scent the air of their hotel suite. They equipped a dog house with air-conditioning, which was too noisy for Fido to sleep in. They also spent $60,000 on gold-plated bathroom fixtures.

Jimmy Swaggart - In the late 1980s, Jimmy Swaggart Ministries was the largest televangelism operation of its kind. His operation raked in more than $150 million annually. Every week, his television program, "The Jimmy Swaggart Telecast," attracted 8 million viewers. The downfall of Rev. Swaggart was probably one of the most spectacular in Church history. The seed of his downfall began when he helped defrock fellow Assemblies of God minister Marvin Gorman, who had been caught in an extramarital affair. When the PTL scandal erupted in 1987, Swaggart went on CNN and told Larry King that Bakker was a "cancer in the body of Christ."

In 1988, Marvin Gorman learned that Swaggart had been spotted regularly in areas frequented by prostitutes. He hired a private detective to take photos of Jimmy with a sleazy Louisiana hooker named Debra Murphree outside the Travel Inn in Lake Charles, Louisiana. When Swaggart refused demands for blackmail money, the photos were shown to church elders. The moment the media learned of the scandal, Jimmy Swaggart Ministries was doomed. His actions against Gorman and Bakker have become case studies in hypocrisy.

Rush Limbaugh - In referring to himself, Limbaugh once jokingly said he was "a man so virtuous you can trust [him] with your wife in a Motel 6, overnight, while you're away on business." When it came to providing moral leadership for America, Limbaugh had serious words to say on many subjects. As the king of conservative talk radio, Rush frequently discussed the evils of our nation's problem with drugs:

"What this says to me is that too many whites are getting away with drug use, too many whites are getting away with drug sales, too many whites are getting away with trafficking in this stuff. The answer to this disparity is not to start letting people out of jail because we're not putting others in jail who are breaking the law. The answer is to go out and find the ones who are getting away with it, convict them and send them up the river, too" (Oct. 5, 1995, The Rush Limbaugh Show transcript).

In Oct. of 2003, Rush Limbaugh announced during his radio program that he was addicted to painkillers and would be checking into a rehab center to "break the hold this highly addictive medication has on me." Limbaugh said he started taking painkillers "some years ago" after his doctor prescribed them following a spinal surgery. Rush denied that his actions were hypocritical, saying, "My behavior doesn't change right and wrong. And just because I may have been doing something that appeared to be contradictory to what I was suggesting others do doesn't mean that what I was suggesting others do is wrong."

Because Rush was making his comments before he entered treatment, his mind must have been under the influence of the painkillers. A person cannot escape the label of "hypocrite" by saying he or she was only offering a suggestion to other people. Hypocritical acts involve doing the opposite of what one stands for.

Pat Robertson - Troubles began for the founder of the Christian Coalition when a reporter for the New York Times discovered that Robertson owned a two-year-old racehorse named "Mr. Pat." The paper detailed financial involvement in racing to the tune of more than $500,000. One newspaper ran the mocking headline, "Praise The Lord And Put A 10-Spot On Mr. Pat To Win."

In his defense, Robertson said he saw no contradiction between his condemnation of gambling and his ownership of a racehorse. "I don't bet, and I don't gamble," Robertson said. "I just enjoy watching horses running and performing." Robertson eventually told his followers in a letter that he had decided to sell his racehorse: "I am sorry that my fondness for the performance of equine athletes has caused you an offense."

William Bennett - The former Secretary of Education and Drug Czar, and author of The Book of Virtues admitted to losing more than $8 million in casino gambling. Bennett would receive as much $50,000 in speaking fees to address conservative groups on the moral issues that face America. The money he earned would quickly end up in the pockets of people who promote the type of values he rallied against. Bennett's typical day of gambling would have him heading to the high-limit room of the nearest casino and blowing money on video poker or $500-a-pull slots.

Bennett was one of Bill Clinton's biggest critics during the former President's "moral failure." Of course, his own credibility was put into serious question by his high-stakes habit. When asked if he was a hypocrite, Bennett said he was not because he did not claim to be a moral authority. He also says he did not have a gambling problem.

Strom Thurmond - "Hypocrite" is about the most suitable word one can use to describe the late U.S. Senator from South Carolina, who built his career as a staunch segregationist while supporting his own mixed-race daughter born of his liaison with a 16-year-old family maid. The daughter, 78-year-old Essie Mae Washington-Williams, revealed the relationship after his death. When asked why she remained silent all those years, she said she didn't want to harm him. Of course, her humble spirit made dear old Dad look all the more like a scoundrel. Thurmond said blacks and whites should have nothing to do with each other. "All the bayonets of the Army cannot force the Negro into our homes, into our schools, our churches and our places of recreation and amusement," he said.

The Senator did demonstrate a strange bit of honor when he paid for his daughter to attend a university. He also sent her money before her marriage and after she was widowed with four children.

Jesse Jackson - If there were an award for hypocrisy, Rev. Jesse Jackson would be strong contender. During the dark days of Bill Clinton's Monica Lewinsky sex scandal, Jackson bravely dove into the media storm and paid a visit to the President to offer moral counseling. Jackson brought along staffer Karin Stanford, who was visibly pregnant.

It turned out later that Jackson was the father of that child. To try to cover up his "little error," the good reverend used organizational money to arrange for his playmate to live in a home worth $345,000 and to receive $10,000 per month. Because Jesse Jackson is a darling of the liberal media, the magnitude of his hypocrisy was quickly lost by the press when it declared the whole affair resolved.

Being Hypocritical about Hypocrites

Everyone would probably agree that hypocrisy in any form is no good. However, because the moral failings of various leaders allows the average person to justify his or her own moral inequalities, the actual view of hypocrisy tends to be rather positive. This is particularly true for those who aren't Christians. They seem to love it when authority figures get caught with their pants down.

If the president of the Southern Baptist Convention was nabbed in a prostitution raid, or if the Pope was discovered to own stock in a Las Vegas casino, millions of people would use these grievous examples of immorality to rationalize their own smaller transgressions.

Because God created us with a built-in moral compass, we constantly feel the need to justify our actions. It is comforting to be able to point to the deeds of someone else and say, "I may have my faults, but I'm not as bad as he is."

Rationalization is a useful tool for relieving guilt and removing ourselves from responsibility. A person who is 70 pounds overweight can look at someone who is 150 pounds overweight and marvel at the other's obesity. But a person can't make himself thinner by finding people who are fatter than he is. He may have a lower percentage of body fat than other people, but nonetheless, according to the basic guidelines for weight, he is still fat.

How Did They Get into That Mess?

If you were to study 100 cases of hypocrisy, I doubt you would find a single person who intended to become a hypocrite. Most people start off with good intentions and along the way their moral values somehow get off track.

Because our flesh likes the things of this world, compromise is inevitable for those people who play with temptation. If you keep dancing on the edge of the abyss, you'll eventually fall in. It takes people who are honest and humble to know their limits.

The apostle Paul gave some very good advice to the Thessalonians on how to avoid becoming a hypocrite. He told them to, "Abstain from all appearance of evil" (1 Thes. 5:22). Notice he said Christians should not only abstain from whatever is wrong, but also that we should abstain from whatever appears to be wrong.

What makes this such good advice to follow is our inability, at times, to use proper judgment in avoiding sin. By the time we realize we've gone too far, turning around becomes difficult.

Many believers who have decided that no harm would result from going out to have a few drinks with friends or co-workers have later wondered how alcohol was able to destroy their lives.

An old public service announcement about drinking urged people to know their limits. The problem with this advice is that the only way for someone to know his limit is by surpassing it; some folks may see their limit as only being reached when they end up in jail for DWI.

Image Is Everything

When people present themselves as moral leaders, they automatically commit themselves to living by a higher standard. Pat Robertson and William Bennett, two of the examples listed in the Hypocrites' Hall of Shame, found this out the hard way. Robertson said he only owned a racehorse because he liked the sport. Bennett argued that he never actually had presented himself as a moral authority. Both men branded themselves as hypocrites by failing the most fundamental rule of morality - leadership is made by example.

The Bible warns that preachers will be judged more severely than others. If some religious leaders knew of the tough standards facing them, they would probably replace their titles of "bishop," "deacon," or "holiness" with a more humble title of simply "message carrier."

"My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation" (Jas. 3:1).

One the greatest examples of hypocrisy in the Church today is top-bill preachers who mire themselves in worldly goods. It is a witness-destroying contradiction for men to point to heaven as the final hope while they continue to lust after all the finer things of this life. The example that Jesus gave in His life on earth should be reason enough for us to tend towards modesty.

"The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath no where to lay his head" (Matt. 8:20).

Because the main task of a moral commentator is to convince people to do things that contradict their fleshly desires, any indication of a double standard completely destroys the message.

When I was in high school, Mr. Block, my history teacher, talked to the class about the dangers of smoking. He had good intentions in warning us about smoking, but he compromised his message through a conflicting financial interest.

Because Mr. Block had previously told the class that he owned stock in a big tobacco company that had done extremely well for him, he said, "I wouldn't mind taking a hit on my stock if it meant some of you young folks would not take up the habit." Because his capital gains were generated by people consuming tobacco, his ethics and stock portfolio were in conflict with each other.

The Danger of Too Few Hypocrites

One of my favorite pastimes is researching prophetic commentaries written as far back as the 1800s. By reading vintage books on Bible prophecy, I'm able to get a non-biased view of how the world is progressing towards the end times.

It commonly known that the generations that lived before us had a much stronger moral foundation that the one we find today. The Bible was used as a guide for all sorts of matters that would be unheard of today. The Good Book was used as reference in such common fields as business, education, and politics. Of course, it would be considered bizarre--or in some cases unlawful--to use the Bible as a manual for daily living.

Oddly enough, I've noticed the cry over hypocrisy then was much louder then than it is today. From reading some of these 100-year-old commentaries, you would think they were living in the golden age of hypocrisy.

The decline in moral standards is the most obvious reason we see a shift away from a two-faced approach to morality. If people don't live by a moral code, they really can't be considered in violation of something they never vowed to uphold in the first place. A hypocrite loves God and his sin. Someone who is totally depraved has no such contradiction.

Very few hypocrites lived in Sodom and Gomorrah. The inhabitants of those two cities were fully dedicated to their wickedness, and this fact did not escape God's attention. It is easy to see that our generation is headed down that same path.

God Does Not Judge on a Curve

I once watched a Christian-produced video that featured a crew asking individuals at random if they were ready to enter Heaven. Most people believed they were in good standing with their Creator. They arrived at this belief by concluding that they were somehow safe because they knew there were many others who were worse sinners.

The requirement for salvation is solely based on how we react to the gift presented to us at Calvary. It has been estimated that nearly 100 billion people have lived on this planet at some point. If all members of this great mass of humanity trusted in Jesus as their Savior, they would make it into Heaven. If only a dozen of them chose to follow Christ, they would be part of the lucky few.

I don't know where people get the idea that salvation is determined by people fitting under a "nice person" category. Far too many people seem to think that only the most evil percentage of humanity will be the ones who don't make the cutoff.

The basis of our salvation is trusting in Jesus Christ as our Savior. You might be a person of high moral standards, but if you make works your foundation, you will not qualify for the Kingdom of God.

A world full of hypocrites cannot save your eternal soul. It's nice to point to hypocrites for excuses, but there is nothing they can do to better your odds. God has already determined their fate. The occurrence of hypocrisy is more negative than anything. It demonstrates how difficult it is to resist sin.

Most folks spend far too much time assessing the sins of other people. The fact that people are unable to live perfect lives is not really breaking news. Instead of measuring our lives by what hypocrites do, we need to model our lives after the One who set the perfect example.

"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me" (John 14:6).

The Vision (Chapter 3 )

Melinda awoke in the hospital, and there was a police officer next to her. "Miss Whalen." He said. "I understand you’ve had quite a shock. I’m very sorry for your loss."
"What loss?" Melinda whispered. Her throat felt dry. Visions flickered before her eyes.
She heard screaming, she turned the other way. She heard begging, but she was asleep. She saw a mangled dress… Cindy. "No…" It came out a whisper, but Melinda repeated it with force. "No!"

"Miss Whalen…" The officer took off his hat and ran his hand through his hair. "I understand that this is a hard time for you, your best friend is injured and missing." Melinda fell back against her bed. "But I have to ask you some questions. What happened that night?"
"We were drinking. A lot. More than we should have. By three-thirty I left, wasted. I couldn’t find Cindy. I was so drunk, that I found her keys on the sidewalk. I didn’t look around. I went to her Corvette, and fell asleep. Before I did I heard screaming. And… and I turned the other way." Melinda felt the tears spilling over her cheeks. "I let her die."

"No. No Miss Whalen. She isn’t dead. We have no body." The officer tried to comfort her. "There was blood yes. A dirty dress yes… but Cindy was very rich wasn’t she? What if it’s a kidnapping gone wrong?"
Melinda’s eyes snapped open. She felt weird. She looked to her left. She saw the man she’d danced with. He was glaring at the officer. "He’s wasting his time! He should be searching for her!" The officer didn’t see him, or hear him.
"Who are you?" She whispered.
"I’m officer Tain Long." The officer said. He took her hand.
She wasn’t looking at him though. ‘What in God’s name?’ Tain thought. "Are you okay?"
"My name is Richard Cast. Former Millbrook PD." Rich explained. "He’s wasting time."

Melinda felt strange. "Are you dead?" She asked.
"Yes." Rich said sadly. "But I’m here to help."
Melinda closed her eyes again. "We’ll start our search tomorrow. For now I’ll do the police work - you rest." Rich finished.

Melinda nodded, her heart feeling heavy. ‘When I find the person who killed Cindy - or took her or whatever - I’ll kill them myself.’

The Vision (Chapter 2)

Melinda examined herself in the full length mirror. She’d gone to Cindy’s house to prep. Of course, Cindy had lied about the hiking. In reality, it was a night out full of partying. Melinda didn't want to party, but she had Saturday off, so she let Cindy win this once.

"So Mike, Jack, Donny and Fran aren’t coming, are they?" Melinda said.
"Are you accusing me of lying?" Cindy fluffed her hair.
"No."

Cindy looked perfect in every single way. She had dark brown hair with blonde highlights. Her eyes were originally brown, but she wore contacts that were green so her eyes looked hazel. Her face was sculpted sharply, but with her pouting lips she pulled it off. Cindy applied some lip gloss and twirled in her dress.

She wore a sea foam green dress with a sweetheart neckline. There was a gray belt tying at her waist, and she wore a brown necklace and matching bracelet. Her shoes were gray pumps.

Like her house Cindy looked gorgeous. Melinda sifted through her own part of Cindy’s closet. It consisted of mostly darker clothes, because she liked the subtle effect of blacks. She slipped into a black dress on thin straps. It had a slight poof after the waistline which was accented by a black ribbon. Melinda didn’t wear heels, but she wore sparkly bold ballet flats.

She had dark brown hair that curled down to her shoulders. Her eyes were naturally a light gray. They were beautiful, deep and endless. Melinda’s skin was pale, which only accented her dark beauty.

"Alright let’s go!" Cindy said rather too loudly.

Melinda followed her having a pit feeling in her heart that something was going to go wrong. As she left the house she thought how unfair it was that Cindy had a large house like this, her student loans were all paid off by her parents, and that she owned a shiny new Corvette. For a brief second, she thought about if she’d been the one with all that money lying around.

She shook herself and followed Cindy into the car. "So what do wanna listen to?" Cindy asked.

"Silence." Melinda replied. She glared at her long fingernails. "I want to be in peace."
"What do you mean?" Cindy asked, but Melinda shook her head.

They pulled up at the bar and walked out. The bouncer let them inside after catching sight of Cindy’s rather provocative dress. At the club the pounding music surrounded Melinda. She lost sight of Cindy in the crowd, but she herself headed for the bar. She sat in the bright red bar stool and ordered an appletini. Someone moved to the seat next to her.

"Wanna dance?" He asked.

"Sure." Melinda said before she saw who it was. This man came to the cemetery every Wednesday. He appeared out of nowhere at two o’clock, then was gone by two ten. There was never any trace that he’d ever been there.

It was too late to deny his offer so she allowed herself to be pulled to the dance floor. Cindy made her way over with two drinks. She handed one to Melinda and stepped right where the man had been standing. Melinda gasped, but Cindy didn’t notice.

They twirled and danced, Melinda all the while confused at what had been going on. She drank the beer, and asked for another one. By two-thirty she was wasted. She fell into the arms of some man. He had a scar on his chin, a small jagged point. Melinda put her hands on his face and he flinched.

"Let’s dance," she shouted to him.

He looked startled, but allowed himself to be pulled around and jumping… until three thirty in the morning. Melinda walked out of the club, with double vision. She couldn’t find Cindy, but found her keys on the sidewalk. She picked them up and decided to sleep in the car.

As she drifted off she thought she heard screaming, but ignored it. She locked the doors and turned the other way.

The Vision Chapter One (Ghost Stories)

Melinda works at a cemetery, cleaning the graves as a groundskeeper. She loves her job and takes extra care in doing it. But weird people start to appear... and disappear.

Melinda spent most of her time at the graveyard. No, she wasn't some creepy fanatic or anything. She worked there and liked to call it a ‘cemetery’ over ‘graveyard’. It was more respectable, and she was very stringent when it came to respect. She wanted to make sure everyone’s wishes were respected at the cemetery. Even though they were dead, she made sure to clear the tombstones and place flowers and light candles on the graves that no one visited.

She liked to make up stories about the people who once lived and now were lying in Millbrook Cemetery. Due to that, she was often late at coming home from work. It was a crisp evening and Melinda had worn a black parka to honor the dead. Her jeans were tight, and dark blue with a golden seam. Around her neck was a golden chain with a locket on it.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. "Sorry." She told an elderly couple. "Enjoy your visit."

They laughed quietly. "We will now that we’re together again." For a brief second Melinda pondered whether to question them further. But her phone buzzed persistently, so she answered before it disturbed the others.

"Hello?" She said quietly into her phone.
"Hey Mel, it’s me, Cindy. You know it’s Friday tomorrow…" Cindy trails off, waiting for me to continue.

Melinda stared blankly at her shoes. "Umm… did I promise something?"
"Yes!" Cindy shouted exasperated. Melinda envisioned her at her job in Heart Bank as a secretary throwing up her hands for effect. "We’re going hiking! With Mike, Jack, Donny and Fran. You promised."

Melinda sighed. "Alright then. I will."
"Great! Come over at ten." Cindy hung up excited. Melinda thought ten was too late for hiking, but kept silent. "Gotta go, smooches!"

Melinda turned to once again apologize to the couple. But they were gone. "That’s odd." She thought to no one in particular. The wind shifted to a colder breeze, so she hurried along her rows. When she was done, she rushed to her dark green Sedan. She was chilled to the bone.

Flicking on the light she noticed that someone had rummaged through her car. But everything was in place. What were they looking for? Melinda wondered. She was scared - what was going on? She’d been alone at the cemetery, if you excluded the elderly couple.

I’m probably just tired. She told herself firmly. I imagined the whole thing.

Letter to You

Dear You,
Stay, stay, please do. Don't leave me! Don't leave by your own hand. Please don't! That's the worst way to go, going because of you. I just found you, it hasn't even been a month, and you're leaving.
Just...
Like...
That....

You brought me so many smiles, so many tears, so many moments that will only be remembered in memories. I don't care if you think you're ugly, you think you're weird, society's monster, all that bull. I don't care. To me, you're beautiful, completely amazing, the perfect friend. You were my everything. Were....Don't leave! Please, stay. Stay for just a minute, two minutes, forever. Fate is in your hands, don't do it. Please don't! .... Time was so short, so short, too short. I made the most out of our moments, every second. Every word you said, I held on, like a desperate child clinging to mother's legs. Because, in your eyes, I am a child.

You don't know anything, you haven't seen the world. I don't care about that bull you say, I know what I know, the world I see is my world. I know you don't believe me, think it's just a joke, the love I hold for you, think it's just a game. It's not a joke. It's not a game. It's reality. Don't go, please! The trigger, the gun, don't touch it, don't pull! Stay here with me, on earth. I want you alive, as in breathing, living, moving. Not dead, buried under mounds of dirt, in a cold box.

How, if I could, I would do everything to stop you. Take the gun, restrain the knife, knock you out, anything, everything. All the things I would do to stop you is separated, ruined, by the entire land, the entire vast United States, separating us. How I cannot possibly walk across millions of miles of land, how I cannot take a plane. Cannot is such a horrible word. I want you alive and here with me, to live life as it should be. Not life in a box, life with action. Please, don't!

My words are unheard... Driven by your desperate need, desperate relief of the burden carried on your shoulders, driven by what I say is insanity, insanity caused by stress and pressure. All this craziness you hold, I say, is caused because ...you ...pulled ...the ...trigger.

From, sincerely, regards, love, I don't know which to chose,
The girl who is left to be..

[Author's note]
This letter is in fact partial reality, for this is indeed about my friend, whom is struggling greatly, and although he hasn't pulled the trigger just yet, I am with almost and unwanted certainty that he will, and I am powerless to stop him.