The Vision - Chapters Four and Five

Chapter Four

Melinda woke up again and the officer was gone. Rich, however was by her side. "I found the scene exactly where you said." He states. There’s a crease between his eyebrows which means he was deeply confused. "But everything about that place screams dump site. Not kidnapping site. And that blood - well it could be from her pumps - or it could be much worse."
Melinda was suddenly jogged awake. "Why can I see you now? Of all times?"
"Because you need my help. And you work in a cemetery, what did you expect?" Rich replied with a chuckle.
Even Melinda smiled at the thought. "So what does that mean?"

"Well, if I’m right it could mean a variety of things. She was in with the wrong crowd, it was an accident, or even…" By the look on Rich’s face she knew something was wrong.
"What?" She said patiently. Her fingers tightened around the blanket.
"It was intended murder. But something spooked him." Rich stated soundly.
"How do you know it’s a ‘him’?" Melinda asked.
"Cindy was what? - 115 pounds at least. So most likely a male carried her to the van. There were tire treads. But they fade as it squeals out of the alley." Rich explained.

Melinda felt tears threaten her eyes. "It was my fault. I heard her screaming."
"When?"
"I left the bar at three-thirty, so uh, a little after then." Melinda reached for a tissue. "I heard her begging."
"Then it was defiantly an armed male who owns a van. Weapon might’ve been a knife or gun. But whatever it was, be assured he most likely didn’t use it. There was no gun residue or shell casings. No evidence whatsoever that he hurt her in the alley."
"What about the blood?" Melinda asked.
Rich hesitated. "Some of it was Cindy’s. Some of it was the perp’s. She fought back."
Melinda silently thought of Cindy all alone in that alley. She thought of where she found the keys. "Something doesn’t add up." She muttered. She swung out of the bed, and Rich smiled.
"Ready to do some police work?" He asked.

"There." Melinda felt a cold breeze and she clutched her jacket tighter. "That’s where I found the keys."
"That’s odd, since no one saw a struggle, and the bouncer said he was out for a smoke at the time." Rich noted.
Melinda circled the spot where she’d found the keys. Her vision was sharper, her senses alert. She nodded to herself. "It’s as though she looked up as she scrambled for her keys. And she was startled, so she dropped them." Melinda broke off.

"She knew the kidnapper." Melinda states firmly.
"If so, this is deeper than I thought." Rich said grimly. "Everyone’s a suspect."

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Chapter Five

Melinda and Rich start closing in on suspects...

*******************************************************************************

On the ride back to her house Melinda pondered what they had discovered. A male, who was armed, someone Cindy knew…Cindy knew a lot of men. She thought of the incident where someone had rifted through her stuff in the car.
"Rich." She said his name softly.
"Yes?" Rich eyed her troubled face. "Why’d you suddenly pale?"
"Someone looked through my car. Screwed around with my things… on Tuesday." Melinda explained.
"And on Friday Cindy was kidnapped." Rich nods. "This has to be connected."
"Were they looking for something of hers?" Melinda was baffled. "Why not search her car, why mine?"
"I have no idea." Rich shakes his head. "But I have a bad feeling."

Rich watched Melinda drift off to sleep. He pondered what she’d told him. Someone riffling through Melinda’s things, and then Cindy’s kidnapping within a week of the incident. It was a strong lead. But where did it lead to? Rich sighed heavily.
He missed the good old days when cops were out on the field, getting their hands dirty. When cops sure, had a donut once in a while, but these ‘officers’ were a disgrace. Filing paperwork seemed to be all they were good at. And though he didn’t like saying this, crime was much more widespread now. He shook his head again, and took Melinda’s pen and paper.

He began a list of what they knew and didn’t know. What they thought was on there too.
Facts: It was a male. No woman could have carried Cindy that far. They had a van, one in need of an oil change. They needed a hospital. Running out of time. Cindy is rich. Blood on dress was both hers and someone else's. Someone broke into Melinda’s car days before.
Thoughts: Plausible that it was someone she knew. Could be kidnapping gone. Blood might be the kidnapper’s. Were inquiring about Cindy’s schedule in Melinda’s car.

Don’t Know: If Cindy’s alive. Motive or suspect. Why the break in?
Rich continued writing until Melinda woke up again. She didn’t notice him hunched over her desk. She grabbed some clothes - black sweats and a sweatshirt before heading to the bathroom. He waited for her, patiently. When she came back, she smiled at him.
"Figured anything out?" She asks.
"I wrote some things down." Rich said.
Melinda scanned the paper. She nodded. "That looks about right."
"I take it Cindy knew a lot of men." Rich added.
Melinda shot him a dirty look. "Maybe she did. But there’s only two people I think could do this.
"Marcus. Her ex-boyfriend. She broke up with him after he crashed her first car. He lost his job. He blamed her, and vowed for revenge. Or," At this point Melinda hesitated. "Or it was Charlie."
"Who’s Charlie?" Rich asked.

Melinda looked off into the distance. Her eyes seemed to be staring at something right before him. "She was our best friend who died in a boating accident. Cindy was driving the boat. We were drunk. And then… well Charlie fell overboard. And she drowned."
"But she’s dead." Rich pointed out.
"So are you." Melinda shot back.
"No, I mean, she’s dead. The police won’t buy it. She’d need an accomplice. You’re mine. When I do human like things I take your energy." Rich explains. "A willing accomplice is hard to find. It’d have to be the both of them."

"So what now?" Melinda asked, lost.
"Did Marcus own any land that was cut off, or seemingly deserted and in the middle of nowhere?" Rich questioned.
"Yes." Melinda replied. "The cabin in Mill Woods."
Rich nodded. "That’s good. Have an address?"
Melinda recited it to him and grabbed her car keys. She immediately thought back to all those nights spent in the woods, by the lake, on the bluff. It’d been a great summer. They’d swam, made s’mores, and told ghost stories. Now her life had become one.

The Vision (Chapter 3 )

Melinda awoke in the hospital, and there was a police officer next to her. "Miss Whalen." He said. "I understand you’ve had quite a shock. I’m very sorry for your loss."
"What loss?" Melinda whispered. Her throat felt dry. Visions flickered before her eyes.
She heard screaming, she turned the other way. She heard begging, but she was asleep. She saw a mangled dress… Cindy. "No…" It came out a whisper, but Melinda repeated it with force. "No!"

"Miss Whalen…" The officer took off his hat and ran his hand through his hair. "I understand that this is a hard time for you, your best friend is injured and missing." Melinda fell back against her bed. "But I have to ask you some questions. What happened that night?"
"We were drinking. A lot. More than we should have. By three-thirty I left, wasted. I couldn’t find Cindy. I was so drunk, that I found her keys on the sidewalk. I didn’t look around. I went to her Corvette, and fell asleep. Before I did I heard screaming. And… and I turned the other way." Melinda felt the tears spilling over her cheeks. "I let her die."

"No. No Miss Whalen. She isn’t dead. We have no body." The officer tried to comfort her. "There was blood yes. A dirty dress yes… but Cindy was very rich wasn’t she? What if it’s a kidnapping gone wrong?"
Melinda’s eyes snapped open. She felt weird. She looked to her left. She saw the man she’d danced with. He was glaring at the officer. "He’s wasting his time! He should be searching for her!" The officer didn’t see him, or hear him.
"Who are you?" She whispered.
"I’m officer Tain Long." The officer said. He took her hand.
She wasn’t looking at him though. ‘What in God’s name?’ Tain thought. "Are you okay?"
"My name is Richard Cast. Former Millbrook PD." Rich explained. "He’s wasting time."

Melinda felt strange. "Are you dead?" She asked.
"Yes." Rich said sadly. "But I’m here to help."
Melinda closed her eyes again. "We’ll start our search tomorrow. For now I’ll do the police work - you rest." Rich finished.

Melinda nodded, her heart feeling heavy. ‘When I find the person who killed Cindy - or took her or whatever - I’ll kill them myself.’

The Vision (Chapter 2)

Melinda examined herself in the full length mirror. She’d gone to Cindy’s house to prep. Of course, Cindy had lied about the hiking. In reality, it was a night out full of partying. Melinda didn't want to party, but she had Saturday off, so she let Cindy win this once.

"So Mike, Jack, Donny and Fran aren’t coming, are they?" Melinda said.
"Are you accusing me of lying?" Cindy fluffed her hair.
"No."

Cindy looked perfect in every single way. She had dark brown hair with blonde highlights. Her eyes were originally brown, but she wore contacts that were green so her eyes looked hazel. Her face was sculpted sharply, but with her pouting lips she pulled it off. Cindy applied some lip gloss and twirled in her dress.

She wore a sea foam green dress with a sweetheart neckline. There was a gray belt tying at her waist, and she wore a brown necklace and matching bracelet. Her shoes were gray pumps.

Like her house Cindy looked gorgeous. Melinda sifted through her own part of Cindy’s closet. It consisted of mostly darker clothes, because she liked the subtle effect of blacks. She slipped into a black dress on thin straps. It had a slight poof after the waistline which was accented by a black ribbon. Melinda didn’t wear heels, but she wore sparkly bold ballet flats.

She had dark brown hair that curled down to her shoulders. Her eyes were naturally a light gray. They were beautiful, deep and endless. Melinda’s skin was pale, which only accented her dark beauty.

"Alright let’s go!" Cindy said rather too loudly.

Melinda followed her having a pit feeling in her heart that something was going to go wrong. As she left the house she thought how unfair it was that Cindy had a large house like this, her student loans were all paid off by her parents, and that she owned a shiny new Corvette. For a brief second, she thought about if she’d been the one with all that money lying around.

She shook herself and followed Cindy into the car. "So what do wanna listen to?" Cindy asked.

"Silence." Melinda replied. She glared at her long fingernails. "I want to be in peace."
"What do you mean?" Cindy asked, but Melinda shook her head.

They pulled up at the bar and walked out. The bouncer let them inside after catching sight of Cindy’s rather provocative dress. At the club the pounding music surrounded Melinda. She lost sight of Cindy in the crowd, but she herself headed for the bar. She sat in the bright red bar stool and ordered an appletini. Someone moved to the seat next to her.

"Wanna dance?" He asked.

"Sure." Melinda said before she saw who it was. This man came to the cemetery every Wednesday. He appeared out of nowhere at two o’clock, then was gone by two ten. There was never any trace that he’d ever been there.

It was too late to deny his offer so she allowed herself to be pulled to the dance floor. Cindy made her way over with two drinks. She handed one to Melinda and stepped right where the man had been standing. Melinda gasped, but Cindy didn’t notice.

They twirled and danced, Melinda all the while confused at what had been going on. She drank the beer, and asked for another one. By two-thirty she was wasted. She fell into the arms of some man. He had a scar on his chin, a small jagged point. Melinda put her hands on his face and he flinched.

"Let’s dance," she shouted to him.

He looked startled, but allowed himself to be pulled around and jumping… until three thirty in the morning. Melinda walked out of the club, with double vision. She couldn’t find Cindy, but found her keys on the sidewalk. She picked them up and decided to sleep in the car.

As she drifted off she thought she heard screaming, but ignored it. She locked the doors and turned the other way.

The Vision Chapter One (Ghost Stories)

Melinda works at a cemetery, cleaning the graves as a groundskeeper. She loves her job and takes extra care in doing it. But weird people start to appear... and disappear.

Melinda spent most of her time at the graveyard. No, she wasn't some creepy fanatic or anything. She worked there and liked to call it a ‘cemetery’ over ‘graveyard’. It was more respectable, and she was very stringent when it came to respect. She wanted to make sure everyone’s wishes were respected at the cemetery. Even though they were dead, she made sure to clear the tombstones and place flowers and light candles on the graves that no one visited.

She liked to make up stories about the people who once lived and now were lying in Millbrook Cemetery. Due to that, she was often late at coming home from work. It was a crisp evening and Melinda had worn a black parka to honor the dead. Her jeans were tight, and dark blue with a golden seam. Around her neck was a golden chain with a locket on it.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. "Sorry." She told an elderly couple. "Enjoy your visit."

They laughed quietly. "We will now that we’re together again." For a brief second Melinda pondered whether to question them further. But her phone buzzed persistently, so she answered before it disturbed the others.

"Hello?" She said quietly into her phone.
"Hey Mel, it’s me, Cindy. You know it’s Friday tomorrow…" Cindy trails off, waiting for me to continue.

Melinda stared blankly at her shoes. "Umm… did I promise something?"
"Yes!" Cindy shouted exasperated. Melinda envisioned her at her job in Heart Bank as a secretary throwing up her hands for effect. "We’re going hiking! With Mike, Jack, Donny and Fran. You promised."

Melinda sighed. "Alright then. I will."
"Great! Come over at ten." Cindy hung up excited. Melinda thought ten was too late for hiking, but kept silent. "Gotta go, smooches!"

Melinda turned to once again apologize to the couple. But they were gone. "That’s odd." She thought to no one in particular. The wind shifted to a colder breeze, so she hurried along her rows. When she was done, she rushed to her dark green Sedan. She was chilled to the bone.

Flicking on the light she noticed that someone had rummaged through her car. But everything was in place. What were they looking for? Melinda wondered. She was scared - what was going on? She’d been alone at the cemetery, if you excluded the elderly couple.

I’m probably just tired. She told herself firmly. I imagined the whole thing.

Stoned Heart (Short Story)

It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm. She said, "I miss you." I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home." She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine. I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go." Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat. Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!" Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home.

Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.
But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."

We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.

We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go. She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this." With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face. She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore." I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"

I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?" I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain would go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.

The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, loosing our last moments in silence. I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself." She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.

She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words.

Written By
AWilson 2013

Set Me Free

As a little girl I hoped Id find happiness without heart break. Little did I know that growing up you felt both. I dreamed of meeting that infamous ONE. The one that would make me eternally happy and we would have a family & grow old together. I found him once, but the Lord needed him more than me, so he is with mama and the angels now.

I've been told that you have to go thro the good to get to the bad. Why does someone so good have to go thro so much heartache, pain, loneliness....so many tryin times? Why? I don't know and I know that I can't answer this. I know that life is a test...a journey...a trial. Thro the trials & tribulations we must remain strong....head held high & even a little smile on the face....

Right now I can't. I seem to be stuck in the middle of me. In understanding everything that he’s goin thro & other things I know nothing about because the so called communication is severely lackin...I stay open minded and remember...that everything does happen for a reason. The distance def doesn’t help. I am tryin to be the strong one & reach out...but if he doesn’t reach back...there is nothing more I can do but anticipate his full arrival...if that happens. 

I thought...once again that I found that...the one...the one that would unlock the door...the one that would wipe away from the haziness that keeps cloudin my eyes, heart & mind....the one that would lift the heaviness from my chest...the one that would keep me happy & we would be there for each other. 

I think tooo much....I love too hard....I fall to fast....I love.....too easily...

The wound has reopended...

I’m bleeding love...and there is no bandaid to stop the bleeding...

Wilmount Plantation

It's been here for years.
Solemn existence, dilapidated walls,and unmanned fields.
House with only two patrons and cat squeals.
There Ms. Cadsbury lives with her butler Bugsbee tending to her needs.
Along comes a man, Hugh, with a plan...
to restore what majesty the Wilmount Plantation once obtained,
At least he believed.

Ms. Cadsbury not only produced, but indulged in her own sour mash.
Listening to her visitors' desires, she told him,
"why don't you go start at that old barn out back".
She had been avoided looking at him,
But as he knelt down by her side, they shared gaze.
at which time he said, "you have beautiful green eyes".
She gave him an askew grin.
Happy to have a young man grace her presence once more.
Then, he got up and made his way outside.
Moving towards that old barn, occasionally looking back now and again.

The old barn was not only a barn,
It was an old slave quarters, shared by the slaves and horses.
Beds, made of hay for the slaves,
which at times was eaten by the horses in the stalls.
Underneath the barn, much larger than a crawlspace, was a place
where the studs and sometimes the master would produce more spawn.
By raping, taking, and breaking down a family structure
to build up workers for the field.
This is what their wealth was built on.

As Hugh went into this room,
he could see that cats had thoroughly taken over.
They didn't even run away as he got closer.
He could feel their eyes following his every move.
He became highly uncomfortable and constantly was looking over his shoulder.
Watching his every step and covering his nose from the terrible stench.
He reached down to grab what looked like a letter, possibly from a slave or a main house resident.
Only to receive a frightening scratch from a cat.
Then, a myriad of cat cries as he tried to make his way outside, he tripped over a pair of fetters and nearly broke down the fence.
He knew that his work was cut out for him
and this would be far from quick.

"Forgive me, my good sir, a little help if you don't mind",
Mr. Bugsbee said while standing on a ladder attempting to cut away a branch
from the newly constructed telephone poles' power line.
"Not a problem. Did you know that that barn was overrun with cats?"
Hugh responded, while rubbing his hand and grimacing as he looked back.
"Oddly enough, I'm forbidden to travel in there."

Working together the pair caused a branch to crash to the ground.
Alerting Ms.Cadsbury, causing her to come to the door and investigate the sound.

To be continued...

Summer Storm

It rained. Rained and rained until the streets flowed like rivers and the trees bowed like paupers to the king. The trails lost their footing and rocks slid down the path to find a new resting place until the next big gush. I didn't think much about it; so isolated under my big red roof in this muggy adobe house. The white stucco walls keep the solidified wetness out and I am just left with the pitter patter and the sensation of moisture upon my ears and on my skin. But I really notice what has happened when I hit the hills. Nothing is the same on the same old path...no leaf left unmoved and not bird left unsung. It's still so dark from the passing storm that the crickets chirp in confusion and the frogs croak at noon. Just like my taste buds, my nose is drawn to life by the pure dampness of my surroundings. Eucalyptus, fir, lavendar, blossoms, dirt, earth, balsam and vetivere all rush inside me. A prick on my side lets me know I am alive and the bee stuck in my skin reminds me of the passing summer. It's gone. Summer, sunshine, and that chunk of life I tossed to the wind. The skin on my ribs begins to swell in response to the venom and I feel warm. Rain, warmth, and the opposing cold. I feel asleep in this weird other world. Everything looks the same but nothing is...only I am the same. Constant, walking, always trying to change but never really feeling the rain. It's time to flow, move. Even if the pace is a trickle...just like the droplets on my window. They may go ever so slow but at least the get somewhere. Rain on me.

Moving again. Not sure when or where. Just know it is going to happen soon. Will I ever stop? Probably not!

Written 2009 -A Wilson

Home is where the heart is

The gravel lets me know I've arrived. Somehow I make my way from here to there with not so much as a single thought about direction until the time comes to press the clutch and rail up hard on the old, gurgling E-brake. Home....or at least something like it, pulls up into side view. I'd be lying if I said I knew my exact thoughts at the sight of the place because usually my head is juggling 5-7 thoughts simultaneously. I don't say this to brag but rather to lament since as a fully-fledged member of the female sex I tend to multi-task with less than perfect efficiency. In fact, the constant task balancing tends to detract from my overall effectiveness at daily living as simple tasks like recovering keys and remembering to remove my laundry from the drier become epic when I recall that I was not thinking about the laptop I set my keys on when it came time to abandon them but rather at what time my dog's last had a bowel movement. Even that very run-on sentence pales in comparison to the trains currently running through my head. As such thoughts digest I reach the door and am met with barks, paws, tails and my own scrambling to contain the wiggling beasts. My bed peaks at me from the corner of my eye and walking toward the bright rays coming through the window I think "this is my adult room". Honestly, I think like that. I look at the color of the walls, the pattern on the bed sheet, the computer on the small side table and think that never in my childhood mind did I picture this room when I thought about my life when I grew up. I try to remember what or where I thought I would be and the memories are still bright and in tact, as if I had spent enough time creating them that my effort laminated them in time for future reference to such a masterpiece of forethought. I pictured myself in a big, open room with lots of light colors. I would have a small part time job and thus devote a lot of time to decorating my home, which of course, I owned. I could hear a family in the background, a husband for sure and a dog too. I had no roommates, no benefactors, and I was very proud of myself for this. The kitchen smelled of fresh cooked foods and outside was a small farm. All this by 20.

Now, my mind knows I was just dreaming of my home down South. As, I lay on my bed, comprised of, sheets my mom bought, and a comforter that I loved and had to have because they matched the sheets mom bought. wondering how I got here. Don't get me wrong; I love where I am and would not change a thing. I love the freedom I have as a young, unmarried doctor, living simply and honestly off each paycheck. I love the distance I keep from the place I live and the friends I leave at the end of each workday to come find my retreat in this small rich suburb.. I love the snobby feel of the coffee shop and how I laugh every time I pull up in my used Toyota next to the BMW's for my morning .50 brew. But the discourse between what is and what I thought would be creates a sort of permanent tenitus in my mind, reminding me of the nature of dreams. How do I see my future right now? What pictures have I sold myself about tomorrow? How much more distant can they possibly be from what I used to think today would be? If nothing else, the suspense is killing me. Let it be tomorrow already.

"The Raggedy Girl"

The Raggedy girl, sits in her raggedy world, dreaming of a life that  sparkles and gleams.

these are only things that she dare dream. But Raggedy girls life is that of a servant for the 

Queen……

 To sweep up ashes of others is Raggedy Girl’s  duty..

To clean up all the dreams of the privileged her fate…

The dreams that do not come true for the privileged all fall into ashes  upon the ground….

Raggedy girl  is the keeper of the ashes….

Each time there is heartache and grief  upon the privileged it is Raggedy girls job to clean them up…

Each time Raggedy girl is called upon she  sweeps each heartache carefully under the rug for it to return no more to plague the privileged….

Raggedy girl can not be seen or heard in this manor high upon the hill for it would break all the rules….

As soon as her task is finished she must return to the dark, cold dungeon in which she dwells…..

Raggedy girl can only dream of a life, simple but bright, one where she can feel the sun upon 

Her face and the wind in her hair. …..

The Raggedy girl has a dream, Oh but will it ever come true? …..

Also in her dream she dreams of a man, a simple man , but to Raggedy girl he is a prince (her prince charming)… 

Oh, does Raggedy girl dare dream of a real life? ………….

Is Raggedy girl entitled and worthy for all her dreams to come true?…. 

She cannot help herself for she can only imagine a life other than the one she is living…..

Oh’  how could Raggedy girl possibly escape this dungeon  in which she dwells and become free….

This is Raggedy Girl dream each and every night as she lies upon her bed…..

Raggedy girl must escape before it is too late…

On this night she puts a plan in motion, her heart beats fast and her pulse quickens at the very thought…

Raggedy girl must make her escape tomorrow night if she is to live…

She makes her plans to sneak down the corridor, hiding in the shadows along the long endless hallway all

The way to the door that she once saw and to make sure the door is not locked, if the door is locked she does not know what she will do. The more plans Raggedy girl makes for her escape she is plagued by nervousness and anxiety. She starts to remind herself of all the things that could happen if her escape is not successful. She finally drifts off to sleep and her prince charming is there (Come, he says) (Come) ( Come to Me Raggedy girl. 

As she awakes she wonders if she really had made plans to leave tonight or was it just part of her dream?….    

She knows that the plans are well thought out and she just pretends to think of the plans as dreams for she is truly terrified to carry out the task. This is real, this is what she wants with every fiber of her being. She just has to carry out her escape tonight as she planned. …..

This day was the longest day in Raggedy girls had every remembered. There was no heartache or grief on this day so Raggedy girl was not beckoned all day, all seemed haughtily quite in the manor today. Raggedy girl sit on her bed and  thought of this for the first time, if my escape is successful what happens then? What will I do? Where Will I go? Will I be able to survive in a world with no one? She wondered are there other Raggedy girls in the world like me? Has others worked as a service to others all there lives and never had a real life of there own? Where will she sleep at least she has a bed and food here. Will she find these things in the world? Where will this man in her dreams be? Will she be able to find him? What will she do if she cannot find him? Does he really exist? …..

It is the hour for Raggedy girl departure from this place, the only place she has ever known. It is dark very dark, but a dim gleam of light beckons to her in the night and shines just enough for her to see. Raggedy girl opens her door, the only door she has ever known that has held her here for as long as she remembers. She opens the door quietly, but  her hand shakes as she does so. …..

Once in the corridor she lets out a sigh, but the worse is yet to come, she feels it deep within and starts to shake. She tells herself you can do this and precedes down the darken corridor, one foot in front of the other, and she refuses to look back. She knows if she looks back that she will turn and run back to the only thing she has ever known. So she walks on with only the dreams that  has beckon to her each night for most of her adult life….

Aimlessly she walks on , but no door does she see. At times she feels as though she is walking in circles, as if she was in a maze. She summons her memory to sustain her and to give her  some idea of where she is now and summons strength to carry on in her quest for freedom. Then she remembered that in her dreams last night the man appeared (the one she calls prince charming) He had said, Come, Come to me Raggedy girl, Come. Raggedy girl closed her eyes and she willed his voice to come to her now and lead the way for her to find him. Without him and if he is only a dream she might as way find her way back to her bed and stay here for she was too frightened to make it in the world alone. 

Raggedy girl was ready to give up, because it seemed as though standing here awake  that her prince

Charming had to be just a dream. This made Raggedy girl very sad that he talked to her every night in her dreams , but in reality where was he when she really needed him? She slid down the darkened wall and started to cry , she cried for her life alone in the dark, she cried that she was mistaken and she would never escape this terrible dark place after all, she cried for the man that she loved that turned out to be only a dream.

As she sit there in that dark corridor floor wondering how she could have been so mistaken about everything. She thought she could escape this place and go into the light for once in her life She thought the man that came to her each night would be real. In her dreams the two of them had planned a life together, children and a future together. In her dreams he had waited for her until she could be free of this prison she was living in, but now he couldn’t just let her hear his voice and lead her out  and to freedom. Raggedy girl placed her face into her hands and wept uncontrollably. She needed to be quiet but she could not help herself. The flood gates of her heart opened up and  her garments she was wearing became wet from her tears, and now she was lost, cold and wet, 

Raggedy girl composed herself and became strong and was determined to leave this hell that been her prison for so long. She felt hurt that her prince was not there in spirit and she could not rely on him to help her find her way out. She started to dry her tears on her sleeve since there was nothing else available. Her vision became clear, and as a matter of fact the corridor seemed brighter than before with a gleam about it. She gained courage and increased her pace from one foot in front of the other to a run. She was going to get out tonight if she died doing so, and she realized that she had been waiting on the man for help and it never came. In the distance she saw a light over a door and she ran to it fast and realized the light over the door read exit.

Here she was standing in front of a door that read exit. Raggedy girl had to stand there for a minute and gain composure. But, she was be damned if she got this far and she was not  going to wait a minute longer to open this door. She quickly turned the handle, but before she stepped out she was over come by all the noise of people talking loudly and other noises she did not recognize on the other side of the door

She took a deep breath and open it fast. The lights were so bright, brighter than she had ever experienced before and the noise overwhelming. She stood there trying to make out where she was and did not have a clue. She saw signs behind a long counter with people standing behind the counter and people standing in front of it. There was very long lines so she thought about looking around first to try to figure out where she was. Raggedy girl was truly nervous since she had never saw anything like this before. She looked back to the door that she had came from and there was a man standing in front of the door now. Should she go back through the door or stay here? She asked herself.

She wished the man would leave from in front of her door she had came through. She was starting to shake and thought she would surely pass out right there. As she went closer to the door knowing she did not know what to do and was safer  from where she came from than here in this world. As she slowly walked toward the door in what felt like an eternity. As she approached the man turned slowly and in his hands was a sign that read. 

   “RAGGEDY GIRL”