"The Raggedy Girl"

The Raggedy girl, sits in her raggedy world, dreaming of a life that  sparkles and gleams.

these are only things that she dare dream. But Raggedy girls life is that of a servant for the 

Queen……

 To sweep up ashes of others is Raggedy Girl’s  duty..

To clean up all the dreams of the privileged her fate…

The dreams that do not come true for the privileged all fall into ashes  upon the ground….

Raggedy girl  is the keeper of the ashes….

Each time there is heartache and grief  upon the privileged it is Raggedy girls job to clean them up…

Each time Raggedy girl is called upon she  sweeps each heartache carefully under the rug for it to return no more to plague the privileged….

Raggedy girl can not be seen or heard in this manor high upon the hill for it would break all the rules….

As soon as her task is finished she must return to the dark, cold dungeon in which she dwells…..

Raggedy girl can only dream of a life, simple but bright, one where she can feel the sun upon 

Her face and the wind in her hair. …..

The Raggedy girl has a dream, Oh but will it ever come true? …..

Also in her dream she dreams of a man, a simple man , but to Raggedy girl he is a prince (her prince charming)… 

Oh, does Raggedy girl dare dream of a real life? ………….

Is Raggedy girl entitled and worthy for all her dreams to come true?…. 

She cannot help herself for she can only imagine a life other than the one she is living…..

Oh’  how could Raggedy girl possibly escape this dungeon  in which she dwells and become free….

This is Raggedy Girl dream each and every night as she lies upon her bed…..

Raggedy girl must escape before it is too late…

On this night she puts a plan in motion, her heart beats fast and her pulse quickens at the very thought…

Raggedy girl must make her escape tomorrow night if she is to live…

She makes her plans to sneak down the corridor, hiding in the shadows along the long endless hallway all

The way to the door that she once saw and to make sure the door is not locked, if the door is locked she does not know what she will do. The more plans Raggedy girl makes for her escape she is plagued by nervousness and anxiety. She starts to remind herself of all the things that could happen if her escape is not successful. She finally drifts off to sleep and her prince charming is there (Come, he says) (Come) ( Come to Me Raggedy girl. 

As she awakes she wonders if she really had made plans to leave tonight or was it just part of her dream?….    

She knows that the plans are well thought out and she just pretends to think of the plans as dreams for she is truly terrified to carry out the task. This is real, this is what she wants with every fiber of her being. She just has to carry out her escape tonight as she planned. …..

This day was the longest day in Raggedy girls had every remembered. There was no heartache or grief on this day so Raggedy girl was not beckoned all day, all seemed haughtily quite in the manor today. Raggedy girl sit on her bed and  thought of this for the first time, if my escape is successful what happens then? What will I do? Where Will I go? Will I be able to survive in a world with no one? She wondered are there other Raggedy girls in the world like me? Has others worked as a service to others all there lives and never had a real life of there own? Where will she sleep at least she has a bed and food here. Will she find these things in the world? Where will this man in her dreams be? Will she be able to find him? What will she do if she cannot find him? Does he really exist? …..

It is the hour for Raggedy girl departure from this place, the only place she has ever known. It is dark very dark, but a dim gleam of light beckons to her in the night and shines just enough for her to see. Raggedy girl opens her door, the only door she has ever known that has held her here for as long as she remembers. She opens the door quietly, but  her hand shakes as she does so. …..

Once in the corridor she lets out a sigh, but the worse is yet to come, she feels it deep within and starts to shake. She tells herself you can do this and precedes down the darken corridor, one foot in front of the other, and she refuses to look back. She knows if she looks back that she will turn and run back to the only thing she has ever known. So she walks on with only the dreams that  has beckon to her each night for most of her adult life….

Aimlessly she walks on , but no door does she see. At times she feels as though she is walking in circles, as if she was in a maze. She summons her memory to sustain her and to give her  some idea of where she is now and summons strength to carry on in her quest for freedom. Then she remembered that in her dreams last night the man appeared (the one she calls prince charming) He had said, Come, Come to me Raggedy girl, Come. Raggedy girl closed her eyes and she willed his voice to come to her now and lead the way for her to find him. Without him and if he is only a dream she might as way find her way back to her bed and stay here for she was too frightened to make it in the world alone. 

Raggedy girl was ready to give up, because it seemed as though standing here awake  that her prince

Charming had to be just a dream. This made Raggedy girl very sad that he talked to her every night in her dreams , but in reality where was he when she really needed him? She slid down the darkened wall and started to cry , she cried for her life alone in the dark, she cried that she was mistaken and she would never escape this terrible dark place after all, she cried for the man that she loved that turned out to be only a dream.

As she sit there in that dark corridor floor wondering how she could have been so mistaken about everything. She thought she could escape this place and go into the light for once in her life She thought the man that came to her each night would be real. In her dreams the two of them had planned a life together, children and a future together. In her dreams he had waited for her until she could be free of this prison she was living in, but now he couldn’t just let her hear his voice and lead her out  and to freedom. Raggedy girl placed her face into her hands and wept uncontrollably. She needed to be quiet but she could not help herself. The flood gates of her heart opened up and  her garments she was wearing became wet from her tears, and now she was lost, cold and wet, 

Raggedy girl composed herself and became strong and was determined to leave this hell that been her prison for so long. She felt hurt that her prince was not there in spirit and she could not rely on him to help her find her way out. She started to dry her tears on her sleeve since there was nothing else available. Her vision became clear, and as a matter of fact the corridor seemed brighter than before with a gleam about it. She gained courage and increased her pace from one foot in front of the other to a run. She was going to get out tonight if she died doing so, and she realized that she had been waiting on the man for help and it never came. In the distance she saw a light over a door and she ran to it fast and realized the light over the door read exit.

Here she was standing in front of a door that read exit. Raggedy girl had to stand there for a minute and gain composure. But, she was be damned if she got this far and she was not  going to wait a minute longer to open this door. She quickly turned the handle, but before she stepped out she was over come by all the noise of people talking loudly and other noises she did not recognize on the other side of the door

She took a deep breath and open it fast. The lights were so bright, brighter than she had ever experienced before and the noise overwhelming. She stood there trying to make out where she was and did not have a clue. She saw signs behind a long counter with people standing behind the counter and people standing in front of it. There was very long lines so she thought about looking around first to try to figure out where she was. Raggedy girl was truly nervous since she had never saw anything like this before. She looked back to the door that she had came from and there was a man standing in front of the door now. Should she go back through the door or stay here? She asked herself.

She wished the man would leave from in front of her door she had came through. She was starting to shake and thought she would surely pass out right there. As she went closer to the door knowing she did not know what to do and was safer  from where she came from than here in this world. As she slowly walked toward the door in what felt like an eternity. As she approached the man turned slowly and in his hands was a sign that read. 

   “RAGGEDY GIRL”

Does My Blog Title Fit? You tell me

                       Living an Extraordinarily Beautiful Life

I know that what I write most of the time may seem as though I live the farthest thing from this title, but in truth my life is extraordinarily beautiful. Even though, I have had my share of heart break and major losses in life "My life is still beautiful" . Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and there are may chapters in my life ready to be lived and blogged about. 

I have loved and been loved in return by the most incredible man I have ever known. Although, he was called away to be with Jesus that one true love shall sustain me all the days of my life. To love and to be loved is the most beautiful thing on God's green earth. I know that I shall never know this kind of love again, but I smile each time I think of Jason and can see his kind and loving face. I can close my eyes and he is there. This beauty alone makes my life worth living. 

I see beauty in a new born baby, I see this beauty in a sunrise or a sunset, or to lie on the ground and watch the stars underneath a Georgia sky. I stop long enough to smell the roses. I love sights, colors, shapes and architecture, A old building can say a lot about the person that

designed it. A old house can say a lot about it's owner and the people who have lived there. I 

love my home, my heritage, and no one can make me feel inferior. 

I have the career I have always wanted, family and friends that truly make me happy. What else could a girl really need? As long as you have a love for God within you there will always be an Extraordinarily beautiful life. As long as you feel blessed with the things that you have and thank God for them everyday you are forever happy and smiling.

I know I am far from perfect, but I'd really like to be. I try not to judge others, but sometimes when I am hurt, the people who hurt me I have been known to lash back at them, only to feel bad and ask for forgiveness later. How can we seek forgiveness from God, if we ourselves cannot forgive our fellow man? 

For you see even though I may sometimes whine about the things that did not go my way, that does not mean that all in all that I am not living a beautiful life. Even with a broken heart I use that as a learning experience of what not to do again. I try to be a good person although many times I may fall short because I am flesh and bone. I do make mistakes, but I do try to rectify them. 

I feel as long as I am smiling someone is smiling back at me and I might just make there day a little better. Little things make me happy, like a ecard or a hand written letter in the mail from my granny. One of granny's hand made knitted Christmas sweaters that I wear once to make her happy and there is a new one every year. I want one year to have both mama's and daddy's families together for Christmas under one roof at my farm back home. These are things that make me happy. Or when Jason was alive he would go into the store to pay for gas and come out with a plastic or felt rose.   

I can find beauty in nature, walking, hiking and even in a lady bug I see on a leaf. I see beauty in the faces of my dogs as they beg for a treat. I saw beauty in the face of my very own English Bull with over bite and all (a face only a mama could love) His name was General Lee and I had him 13 years before his death. The General looked like the Georgia Bull Dog. 

I am happy for I am alive today thanks to a team of doctors that saved my life from a brain stem/ spinal cord injury I sustained in a car accident. I beat the odds and I am 100% healed. Well I always give God credit for my healing and he makes my life beautiful and happy I am still around to tell this story. 

"FOR YOU SEE I DO LIVE AN EXTRAORDINARILY BEAUTIFUL LIFE"   

They say the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, But is it really?

There are maybe's, what haves, should haves, could haves and nothing short

of asking myself that 10 million dollar question.. "Was It Ever Really Real?"

How can one single person bring so much joy into your life, make you feel

as if you were drifting on a cloud and then rain havoc on your world? Why 

can't  people say what they think, and believe what they feel? Where is 

the truth, much less what is the truth? Can truth be found in the world 

today? 

There are so many people in the world playing games that it is hard to distinguish truth from fiction. It is so easy to believe in some people, because your heart tells you that they are true and worthy. I know  that there are those who are true and worthy, but they not only lie to you, but to themselves. They live in  worlds prearranged for themselves, by the church, there parents and live everyone else's life for them but never there own.  These people can never truly be happy. I know you never lied, I know you only spoke the truth, or what you thought the be at the time, but the truth is a double edged sword. When you kill me you also kill yourself.

My truth is this: I wear my heart on my sleeve where I always 

have and I always get hurt. I must say I am glad that is was you. 

Things can finally be over for me in my heart and my dreams of 

a fairytale  love that was suppose to come true years ago shall

now cease to be.

It has been so hard to trust people , but I trusted you  with my very life. Maybe, years ago all my dreams could come true, but things are different for you now. I thought that you were my prince charming, strong, viral and would defend  my honor at all cost. That you would give me one kiss and I would awake from my slumber. That you would become  my prince and I your princess and you would love me until the end of time. 

I moved on to a higher ground, seeking refuge from the storm, the storm that came down on me with such a force it left me by the wayside. I was scared, frightened, sick and alone. Everything I once trusted and the person in who I trusted,left me alone to be battered by the storm with no thought of my well being.   

I have a future, with no more lost dreams, no more what if's and

wondering time and time again why things didn't work out the 

first time. For what it is worth I know the truth or at least I hope

I know the entire truth this time. There are no more rose colored

glasses that I wear. I see the truth for what it is and even though

I do not 100% agree with it, this is my fate. 

I am a survivor and I will survive no matter what is thrown at me. No matter how many times a guy breaks my heart. If you break my heart once there may still be a chance, but break it twice and there is no chance at all. Fool me once shame on you, but fool me twice and shame on me. I only trusted you and what you said you wanted,it was your decision to make and you made none. I will not sit alone waiting on a maybe, a could be, but you know and will always know in your heart that it was a should be. A sure thing.

The thing that hurts the most was you could not tell me anything, not by phone or a email you threw me and my dreams straight to hell.  You are certainly not the man I thought I knew so well, I could take the truth why didn't you tell me?  Everything I know I read between the lines. If you were torn you could have told me so. You could have bowed out gracefully with your head held high and I would have respected you for that. Not knowing anything drove me crazy and I am not one to beg.

Love means never having to say your sorry. Love means putting the one you love first and foremost which you did but then didn't have the guts to tell me. 

I am happy for you I really am, but I should have been 

able to tell you. May God Bless You! I hold no grudges.

I would have never, ever got hurt if you hadn't said things

to me that you could never mean in a 1000 years

I think the grass is fine where you are at....

Be careful what you wish for, it might just turn and bite you in the ass.

   

Halloween's Arrival Just a Few More Day's

AMBER DRESSED UP!

Curiosity Killed The Cat 

Halloween is just around the corner, and with it comes goul's and goblins and things  that go 

bump in the night. BOO!! 

I love Halloween it is one of the most exciting holiday's there is in my book.

I love decorating the house for Halloween and making my very own "Jack O Lantern" that 

I purchase from a pumpkin patch. I always make a pumpkin pie as to not waste anything.

My candle scent is pumpkin pie as well. 

There are even Jack O Lantern's with pointy teeth

The Best Time To Play Dress Up

I think I will take my own groceries to the car ;)

Let's Eat

    

Decorating

This is my time of year......

I love being someone else for one night out of the entire year.

I love the smell in the air and all the excitement as the door bell rings  and you open the door  and hear (Trick Or Treat)

I love going harvest festivals and purchasing apple cider and looking at crafts people have made.

I love seeing everyone dressed up and having a great time!

Cara Loves Halloween! 

I just love Halloween & I Love  "Candy Corn"

Some of my fallen brothers RIP

I love making stuffed Bell Peppers in the shapes of Jack O Lantern's 

Scary Stuff!!!!!!!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Love Hurts

Today I wrote a email to someone as confused and scared as I, but they have nothing to fear. My life will go on as it always does, and I will get up brush myself off and continue my life. God only knows that I do not have it in me to hurt another living being. I am not self centered. or self absorbed and I can truly see the big picture. I know that Knights and shinning armors only exist in the movies and you never truly meet them in real life. The person I wrote to found hers though and I know that she and he shall live happily ever after. For you see I slay the dragon that tried to destroy them. 

My heart breaks that I to can not find a love like this, but I know it must be out there. I must follow my heart and know when it is love for me or another. I was once loved by a prince named Jason. He loved everything about me, but he saw my heart before I fully developed into a woman so it was true love. We were soul mates. Our only only dream was to be together the rest of our lives, and to have babies and to live and to die as Noah & Allie in the (Notebook). I loved this man so much and he was the very air that I breathe, but God saw he needed an angel and so he took him from me. I want to love like this again, but I do believe that God only grants you one soul mate. 

 "LOVE HURTS" 

Totally Scared & Confused

Days like today when all else is done, my time is occupied by memories of you. Every second of every hour are the thoughts of I'd rather be with you.. wherever you are. But you will never know that... why?.. Well because I'm too scared to say what I feel.

Too scared to say- I wanna be with YOU.

Too scared to say- I miss you like hell

Too scared to say- I'm sorry.

Simple enough, but yet so difficult. How do you begin to tell someone what they mean to you? Or how much they mean to you? It's easy when I think of the "I should'ves" and "could'ves" looking back now, but when the time comes.. I freeze. I guess cause I loved the guarantee that if I didn't speak, then I could always stay close to you. Even if it was just as a best friend. Such a twisted thought, but I knew deep in my heart somehow I always wanted you to be a part of my life. And now; I've messed ALL that up. 

The misconception that you just wanted to be "friends" forced me to think, I needed to step back. To allow you to find what you needed at home, because no matter how much I wanted there to be an 'us', I wasn't gonna jeopardize your happiness. 

Maybe that was the heroic thing to do.

Not to be selfish (although I wish I could be).

But I feel much like the villain. I lost your trust. And I have no excuses. I don't want to try and make any either. I just want you to know (in your heart somehow) that I think about you all the time and like said before you're not easily forgotten. It's embarrassing that I cannot be strong enough to tell you this but I can write it all down on a screen maybe you will see it, maybe not. This is my comfort zone, for now, so this'll have to do. And secretly, the little brave part left inside of me, is silently telling you:

I loved us.

I've missed us.

I miss you... but most importantly; I love you.

My Favorite Time Of The Year.

Fall is my favorite time of the year. I love to be witness to the change in the seasons , and Fall

is the most colorful season there is. I love to just go lie down in the leaves and have a wrestling 

match. When I am at home I love to rake leaves and be out in nature, but I have so many leaves

back home that I use a leaf blower or go over them with the tractor to cover and protect the 

grass for next season. I do this because I have too many to dispose of. It is great to be out in the

cool crisp air. 

I love Halloween and you really know that it is officially Fall by the time Halloween arrives.

I love to dress up and be someone else for one night out of the year. I love mystery and intrigue 

of going to a Halloween Party and not know who you are talking to, but they know you. I love

the smells of logs burning in a fireplace and the smell of Pumpkin Pie candles burning.  I go 

all out with Fall colors in my house getting ready for Fall as well as Thanksgiving as if it was

a golden, orange Christmas. I love to make my own Jack O Lantern and go to the pumpkin

patch to find the right one.   

I love going to County Fairs and riding rides and acting as though I am scared to death 

when I not really, but it is a way to get a guy to hold on to you tighter lol I love the smell 

of candy apples and cotton candy and sawdust and hay. I love hitting the agriculture 

exhibits and seeing all the prize cows, and the ladies auxiliary exhibits with home 

made cakes and pies and crafts. 

I love a trip to the mountains in Fall to witness all God's Majestic Beauty. I would

rather take the trip on my bike with all my leathers on and stopping somewhere

along the way for a hot chocolate. Nothing is more beautiful than the mountains 

in the Fall.  

     FALL IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR!