Symptoms of Survivor Guilt

In one of the final scenes of the amazing movie “Schindler’s List”, the character of Schindler has an agonizing break down. He had spent many war years saving the lives of a small group of people. In this scene, he is being honored and thanked by some of those survivors. Rather than accepting their appreciation, Schindler apologizes. He becomes totally distraught that he had not saved all the people on his original list, some of the survivors’ families. The gold ring on his finger becomes a symbol of his perceived selfishness, because he kept it rather than use it to save one more person. He can’t see the good that he did. He can’t accept the love and gratitude of the people he saved. He feels it is wrong that he lives when so many million died, so horribly.

Mr. Schindler had an extreme case of Survivor’s Guilt.

It occurs when there is a national disaster, like war, 9/11, school shootings, bridge collapses, airplane crashes.

It occurs when there are natural disasters, like Katrina, tornadoes and hurricanes, floods, fires, earthquakes.

It occurs when there has been an accident.

It occurs when someone dies of a disease or infection, violence, or suicide.

Survivor Guilt (SG) needs professional help, as soon as the symptoms develop. Most often, it is not addressed. The person goes on in life, but not living. They don’t allow themselves joy or happiness, and feel even worse if they enjoy something even for a short time.

Untreated, this is passed to the next generation, and the next. A person with SG can’t be allowed pleasure, and can’t permit anyone around them to have it, either. While a SG mother won’t allow herself a good, hot meal, she’ll prepare one for her family. But the meal is accompanied by comments on amounts of food taken, remembering when she was lucky to have a cup of broth. Heaven forbid food should be left on a plate, when so many are starving in the world. In time, no one can enjoy a meal. Little ones learn to associate pleasure with guilt, and take that with them into adulthood. They think this is the way to live. A third generation will learn it, too, unless someone stops and thinks it all through logically.

Learning to be thrifty with money was not the only byproduct of the Great Depression. Many think of that term – Great Depression – as an economic one. It also describes the Nation’s emotional state of the time. SG closely resembles depression, but it’s not the same

Survivor Guilt needs professional help, as soon as the symptoms develop. As soon as you recognize them in yourself or those around you.

Untreated SG adversely affects one’s life, relationships, the ability to hold a job, concentration and follow through, sleep, self image, ability to handle even mild stress, anger management, reaction to even small changes, and the ability to feel emotion.

SG may manifest itself in anxiety, depression, irritability, withdrawal, and psychosomatic symptoms of the stomach and heart. There may be an obsession with the past and a fear of persecution.

SG is defined as UNJUSTIFIED reaction to traumatic situations. Unjustified! If you had gone back into that burning house, you wouldn't have saved another life, you would most likely have lost your own.

Now, if you were the one who set the fire, if you were the drunk driver in the accident, if you were the hijacker, this is another issue completely. This article is not addressing that.

Here is a list of possible SG Symptoms

• Sleeplessness. 
• Nightmares. 
• Flashbacks 
• Inability to get along with others, especially in close relationships
• Paranoia and distrust
• Unwillingness to discuss, or visit the site of, the trauma
• Persistent, intense fear and anxiety
• Easily irritated or agitated
• Difficulty concentrating
• Feel numb or detached
• No pleasure in previously enjoyable activities
• Feel helpless, out of control
• Preoccupied with the traumatic event

Physical symptoms –

• headaches, 
• stomach, 
• heart, 
• dizziness
• Suicidal thoughts, gestures, plans

Survivor Guilt needs professional help, as soon as the symptoms develop. There is treatment. There is recovery. There is hope.

10 reasons your crush picked the other girl

One of the worst feelings ever is finding out that the guy you have a crush on likes someone else. What’s worse is if the other girl’s a mutual friend – that is, you’re obliged to feign happiness while watching the blissful couple cooing at each other all day.
It’s a weird situation to be in. You want to know why he chose her, but any answer other than “Huh, you like me? Okay, I've changed my mind,” would cast you into a tempest of self-loathing. If the guy’s a decent person, he’ll spare you the details.

1. He liked her even before he met you
Sorry, girl. Finding love is about being in the right place at the right time, and unfortunately, she got there before you did. If he’s had his heart set on her all along, don’t try so hard to present yourself as the better alternative. Just know that even if he did go for you instead, the girl he liked before you might always remain in his mind as a giant “what if.”

2.  He didn't know how you felt
Maybe he didn't think he had a chance with you, while the other girl’s intentions were obvious. Sometimes you don’t consider the other person as relationship material because you didn't think there was anything brewing between you to begin with. Nobody likes being rejected, so unless he was dead set on having you no matter what (which clearly wasn't the case), he’s going to pursue somebody more available.

3. She threw herself at him and he couldn't resist
More than one of our male friends have admitted that they were won over by pure persistence. If you've ever been a little grossed out seeing a girl throwing herself at a guy who’s clearly less invested than she is, well, it’s a thousand times more maddening when she’s doing it to the guy you like – and he goes for it! “How can a guy like someone so desperate?”In a perfect world, you think, you’d have been rewarded for showing a little more dignity. But maybe he simply had more opportunities to get to know her since she was always around, while you were barely a blip on his radar.

4. She presented more of a challenge
On the other hand, some guys like the chase and the uncertainty. Maybe you were the one overselling yourself, while she talked to him as if she had nothing to prove. If you were a little too available, he might have gotten bored and decided to pursue the more ‘mysterious’ girl.

5. His friends encouraged him to date her
Maybe they’re friends with her and have always dreamed of seeing the two of them as a couple. Or maybe they simply have more insight into him as a person than you do, and recognize that he and the other girl are a better match. In that case, you dodged a bullet by not dating a guy whose friends aren't that into you. Relationships are always easier when you know that your partner’s friends have your back.

6. You’re in the friend zone  
People always ask if it’s possible for girls to be in the friend zone. Or if the friend zone even exists. But we’re here to tell you that if your crush has always seen you as “one of the guys” or as his “best bud,” it’s going to be a lot harder to distract him from that attractive girl he just met two weeks ago. Chances are, he doesn't even put the two of you in the same category of women.
If you’re tired of being in the friend zone, don’t just hang around, being the ultra-dependable girl secretly pining for her best friend. Reinvent yourself, date other people, be less available to him, and hope that he’ll eventually see “the new you” in the way that you want to be seen.

7. He was more attracted to her physically
This one’s a tough pill to swallow, but the other girl has a natural advantage if she’s more of his physical type than you are. That doesn't mean that you’re less attractive than her, it just means that when it comes to this guy, you always had your work cut out for you. Think about it in terms of food.
If you prefer pasta to pizza, then you’re probably going to order linguine over a calzone while eating Italian. Sure, you can still enjoy the latter, but it’s never going to be your first choice. At any rate, it’s better to date someone who can’t help liking you than date with someone who has to work at it.

8. You let your nervousness get the best of you
Lots of women freeze up when confronted by the man of their dreams. Some guys like a cute, bubbly girl who can’t quite hide her nervousness. But if you’re the type who shuts down around guys that you like, now would be a good time to develop some self-confidence. It’s not easy to have chemistry with someone who gives off a passive, frigid impression. Make more male friends and go out in mixed-gender groups, which are less intimidating than being around a whole bunch of guys.
With a little bit of time, you’ll become comfortable and confident enough to be natural when you’re with a person you’re interested in.

9. It was never a competition to begin with
It’s easy to get caught up in this narrative of “me versus her,” but if he didn't like you in the first place, then he never had to choose between the two of you. You just happened to be someone (perhaps one of many) who also liked him. Instead of obsessing over how she was the winner and you were the loser, or how she “snatched” him away from you before you had a chance, keep in mind that if it wasn't her, it’d be someone else. He just doesn't like you that way.

10. She was 'The One'
Sorry, but he and she were soul mates. They’re happy, they’re married, and there’s nothing you could have done about it if they were just meant for each other. You can compete with another girl for the same guy if he’s vaguely interested in you both. But not when she’s his dream woman. If you believe in destiny, then you’ll know that there’s little we can do to stop it. Just be happy knowing that if there’s a plan for them, there’s one for you too.