Friday, September 6, 2013

Writing With My Heart & Soul

I love to write...



I could honestly write about anything on God's green earth and beyond ..

I am comfortable writing on any topic ..

&

I am never bored while doing so.... 


I have wrote since I was a preteen in my little diary my parents bought me and moved on to journals later. They were things I never wanted anyone to see such as about boys especially. Although, I had just one boyfriend back then it was all completely innocent yet I found it to be private. I share so much now I know. I had tragedy to strike and a therapist I had at the time thought it was best that I take up blogging as a way to express my pain though the net with people I did not know and to welcome any feedback. I was on live journal then and I received lots of feed back both good and bad. But, I must admit on blogger no one reads my blogs and I get no feed back whatsoever. I sometimes share my blogs on my facebook page and people leave me a like, but I know they do not read them in there entirety. I know since they would have something to say about them. I am not a great writer, but mediocre. But, everything I write is important to me or I would stop writing completely.     

I suppose I will write even if no one reads anything I do. I have a job, a life but writing is a passion of mine. I have countless songs I have wrote as well as poems. I was unable to write songs living in the City, but I will be able to pick my guitar and sing without the fear of someone hearing me here or disturbing my neighbors as I did in the city.  I am renting a quaint little cottage about 10 minutes from work, and I have grass to mow. I am really feeling better about my life here so far. It is as if this little house is my muse (thoughts have been coming to me non stop since my arrival and couple of days ago.) I know once I start work that my continuous thoughts of story topics and the words there in will cease, but for now I am enjoying the adventure of the mind.  


I WILL LIVE



Out Live
life can
really knock you down
it's done well
in this me

thought I was down
for the count
and some days
I really wanted to be

I just can't stop
getting up
and trying again

but one day
one fine day
I will....

I will out live
pain
I will out live
darkness
I will out live
hate
I will out live
war
I will out live
money
I will out live
abusiveness
I will out live
time
I will out live
color & skin

yeah
some day
some how
I will die
...only once
[but I will live
twice] 


It Doesn't Matter



Doesn't matter
it doesn't matter
where you've been
what "hole you crawled out of"
[or are trying to]
if you came from money
or never had much
whether your life story
is G rated
or R...or X
whether depression
has it's claws in you
whether you gave yourself to sex
or were dragged kicking & screaming
whether
you
harm yourself
[& what that means/ how that helps]
whether you know your parents
& wish you didn't
or never met them
& wish you did

it's not where you've been
it's not what you've seen
it's where your going
& who's taking you there
that counts


Jesus



thank you
for not being afraid of brokenness
not being afraid of darkness
for wanting to be a part
of all of my life
the good & the bad
thank you that I can stay
with Jason Taylor
"I ain't gonna pray for you to love me
because I know you will
I just know it"
I know you do
thanks for your ruthless love
thanks for grace
like an untamed river
washing over everything
thank you
that while I "don't have all the time in the world"
you still do
while I don't have all the answers
I still have you
while I'm no hero
you will save me
mostly from myself 
thanks for being you
and loving me


There Is Hope



Hope?
why does this seem
like such a joke
sometimes?
like it's on an island
we can barely see
and never reach
yet
when you get some
it can be such a huge thing
"game changer"
doesn't seem to cover it
nothing else seems
to either
it seems flimsy
till you have some
then suddenly
it can be a lion
ready to bite your head off
you look at things that made you wither
and laugh at them
feels stupid
and you don't care
no matter how dark the night
if you can reach the dawn
you just
might
make it
so
there is
hope 
after all...