Working My Mind

I've realized just recently that it had been ages since I have read a good book. A story book to transport me to times past, present and future. A book to push my bed time later than usual, risking blank stares and blurry thoughts the following morning. Atenolol, paracetamol-wha?

 I picked up a book from the shelf and started to read.

The book was The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri.

I found myself daydreaming about the characters, thinking about them as I drive to work, as I bathe, as I eat, looking forward to the time when I cozy myself on the bed with the book before retiring for the night.

Suffice to say, I Missed reading. With a capital M.

While on the subject of picking up old habits, this distant memory of distinctly owning a blog stole itself into my consciousness.

Reading what I have written, I marvel at how time passes by so stealthily, nay a noise.

So here I am again, having words manifest themselves from the brain through the nerves to the muscles to the screen. Random words with constant erasing of grammatical boo-boos and spelling errors-I'm convinced my England is going down the longkang.

But of it feels so good.

......

Would wearing one's heart on one's sleeves be better than being sensitive to others' feelings?

Change

Life, as we know it - can never be understood no matter how hard we try.

We go through life, as mundane as it may be and sometimes we lose sight of where we are heading, or what we are doing.

But random happenings will manifest itself; in the form of a book, a passage one chance upon, a conversation, a realization, a brief thought.

They remind us that we are here, still. Shouldn't we then be grateful?

For another day, another minute, another second.

another chance.

I Wonder

Aching heart and dear spiteful mind

Charmed by hope and hope hopefully blind

Wishing for, dreaming of, aspiring to attain

that which can't be grasped due to its thorns

and immeasurable pain

Is there one that will love me?

In spite of all my flaws

Unconditionally so... keep my heart in awe.

Just a trick of the mind

Truth revealed in time

Death is the only thing that is sure

The only thing that I can claim as mine.

Mysteries of the unknown

and the powers that be

To the God that created it all

what is the purpose that you have set forth for me?

Simple pain and a memory full of regrets

Misery and sorrow, a life of emptiness and complexities

glimpses of joy stolen and death to be cherished?

I wonder.

And what is this desire you have placed in my heart?

Desiring to do your will...

grow closer to you...

altruistic behavior...

and yet,created in flesh

and placed in a world where the opposite is true.

To desire love so much

only to be appeased by the deceiving nature of lust.

Living a life of honesty in a world of lies

where the deceivers prosper and the wicked are the ones they trust.

It's an oxymoron of sorts

To move in the spirit, but live in the flesh.

To be seen as an outcast when I'm giving you my best.

I wonder.

However, another day I'm alive,

so unto I submit my will;

for,this must be according to your plan.

I just pray that your will be done...

Have mercy...

Kill the pain, sadness, sorrow, and loneliness

in this woman.

A Wilson 2013